Closed Practice, for girls aged 10-16.

[JaneorEleven]

My DD plays sport on a team (all girls Between 10-16 approx, think sync swimming). She’s been on the team for a year, and it’s time for tryouts and to sign a new contract if she gets a place.

One of the new stipulations on the contract says “Coaches have the right to Closed Practices. This means parents or spectators aren’t allowed in the building during practice.” I’ve attached a screen print of the exact wording.

My DD is 11, and this doesn’t sit right with me. I’m a Brit in the US, so UK law wouldn’t apply. But surely this isn’t typical for a sports team is it? To have some practices where parents are not allowed in, when the gIrls are still quite young. The coaches are 2 women and 1 man, if it makes a difference.

It wasn’t in last years contract. A few other parents have voiced their concerns, but we’ve yet to do anything. Tryouts aren’t until next month, so we have time. My DD adores this sport, and all the parents get along and socialise as well (not Dance Moms) so it’s not something I want to give up without a fight.

I’d really appreciate your thoughts, and even some wording on how to push back on this.

Mountain out of a molehill.

it says the coaches have the right to closed practices.

you're acting like all of them from now on will be closed, that's not what they've said.

they will be marked on the schedule. If none if you take your kids to those practices, they'll soon get the message.

or as you say you don't have an issue with it from a safeguarding perspective, you parents could meet elsewhere to socialise.

Think why they’ve added it. It’s so they have the option to do it, not that it’s every session. Are there special sessions where parents would be a nuisance/distraction, eg before exams, in rehearsals for a performance, when choosing ‘stars’ for a performance, etc?

Your DD is old enough to identify when something’s not right and she can report back to you. Either you trust the adults there or you don’t. My guess is there are certain situations or times when parents have been a pain or a distraction so they’ve put this in the contract so no-one is surprised when the occasional session is marked Closed.

Ask the reasons, if you want, but as others said, being a parent yourself, you might not get a fully honest answer.

We were always able to watch gymnastics, climbing and swimming, but there were viewing areas as part of the cafe or balconies, where parents couldn't interfere. I often stayed because it was too far to drive home and nothing else was open nearby in the evening. When they were older I wouldn't actually watch them, but sat away in a corner with a coffee and book, or nattered with friends .

Friends whose kids danced were never allowed to stay. There was one local scandal where a dance teacher has been treating kids awfully, not sexual abuse, but a lot of body shaming.

It's normal in a lot of my kids clubs that you don't stay. During covid our gymnastics stopped parents coming in and my dd said it was better because the parents were so noisy. In the UK in clubs like that staff will have been safeguarding trained and dbs checked. It's no different to sending them to school where you also don't supervise.

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Can you access their child safe guarding policy? I know that these things are constantly under review here. Voices raising concerns are considered now; a few years ago they were dismissed as cranks.

I’d want to know where on that spectrum the organisers are.

Unfortunately many of the sports club sex abuse cases now coming out of the woodwork involved teens of all ages. They didn't feel able to speak out til they were in their 40s. Some were asked in their 20s and denied it had happened.

Yes, this is how I’m reading it. Don’t you want your dd to be able to focus on her practice op? My dd used to gymnastics. They had sessions open to parents every 4-6 months. It doesn’t even sound as if it is this drastic. I get the child abuse risk element. I take it your dd has been going some time and you have built up trust with the instructors.

Most things at that age are unless in a public area.
It's most likely that they're sick of parents hassling them about their child being better and criticing other dc.

But it could be that they're aware that one of the d

You can ask about it but I suspect there is a reason like protecting routines from being copied or hiring of a smaller space or just that the kids are getting older and dont want to be observed by a load of other people.

I strongly suspect a lot of parents are all mouth and just agreeing with you or thinking, brilliantly one less child competing for a space

Sorry phone keeps posting early.

They could have been made aware that one of the dads (or mums but less likely) has a conviction round young teenage girls and are trying to protect them.

Just make sure your dd is aware not to be on their own with anyone.

In a completely different extracurricular activity... the only way any parent could stay regularly would be getting a DBS check done and signing up officially. We have no "viewing" area so any adult would be interacting with the children so we need to protect all of them.

It just says they've the right to a closed practice.

As so many people have said, it's rare for parents to be present at many sports, and if you trust the coaches then it should be fine. The social aspect of it for parents shouldn't be important, and maybe the coaches found having parents there distracting.

I would think it a massive overreaction for there to be a meeting to explain - you might want to get in touch directly with the coach and just ask why they've put in this clause.

It could be that a parent has been a bit of a pain comparing the kids to one another, or criticising the coaching methods or that the coaches feel it would create a more serious atmosphere to have some specialist sessions without spectators or any number of things.

Just ask the coach directly - what's that about - and you'll have your answer.

Are you serious that up to half the team would leave just because the parents can't hang out for a few sessions? That seems completely OTT

My view - let the other parents flounce and deprive their kids of taking part in the sport or find another team. Other kids may welcome the chance of getting a place.

Parents don't need to be present. As another, more sensible parent has said they aren't in class at school with them.

If your 11 year old isn't mature enough to be in a group sport for 11-16 year olds alone with the team and coaches then perhaps she shouldn't participate until she is a bit older.

If parents want to socialise drop and meet at a nearby cafe.

My 4 year old goes to gymnastics and parents can't stay and watch, there's no space it's needed for the activity, and there's no viewing gallery. Once every half term they do a demo session where they put out soft play type blocks in certain areas for parents to sit on and the children demonstrate the different pieces of equipment. There are usually 5/6 instructors there, mainly female and several small groups age 4-6 running concurrently. They don't change etc there and it's one huge open gym space. Parents pick up and drop off to the door

Having seen Soccer Moms and Beauty Pageant parents I bet they have had some right pain in the arse parents in the past.

My dd6 does ballet and we've always just had one lesson a term we're allowed to watch. I'm surprised you've been so welcome for so long.

Children often behave differently when parents are around, even if it's subtle. They might be less likely to try things, or be more inhibited/self-conscious if parents or other adults are watching. They might interact differently with the group, which can affect things in a team.

I know parents wanting to stay for lessons (in a different context) who insist that their child is not distracted by them, that they act exactly the same, etc but they really don't know because they've never seen the child interacting without them. Sometimes it's good for children to have that freedom to be who they are without scrutiny. And parents even subconsciously do let the child know they're being watched.

It can be uncomfortable for the teachers, too, knowing that everything they do is scrutinised, every time they choose someone else's child, criticise a child, praise someone else's more, etc., it's all being watched and potentially questioned afterwards, even the most trivial things.

Your child will have to do things without you eventually, so working now on good boundaries is helpful - yes there have been scandals in the past where athletes didn't feel able to speak up, but that is changing, and people are more aware of it now. Making sure a child feels able to speak up in situations is important.

I think the coaches may feel a bit pressured to take this clause out, if people complain, and if they've done it for good reasons, you might find that they quit or the team ends up folding anyway, if they feel that the parents are against them somehow.

I think this is really normal. I wasn't allowed in to watch my DD so basket even at age 3. My children have done all the following with parents not allowed in:
Ballet. Gymnastics. Karate. Cubs. Guides. Brownies. Beavers. Drama. All after-school clubs.

They will be DBS checked. It's really normal for parents not to be present, and from a young age.

You don't go too school with them do you!

I think it’s quite normal - it means parents turn up and are a PITA and a distraction.

Chat to some parents / coaches if you are concerned

Could it be a safeguarding issue the other way round from the way you are thinking about it? So they don’t want so and so’s uncle or brother coming and watching all the girls doing the practice, taking photos etc? So it’s better just to have a straight ban?

a lot of parents have mentioned to me that they won’t return, because of the Closed Practice, without even approaching the coaches and sharing this concern. More than half the team would be gone, and without them, there is no team

This sounds like unnecessary drama causing to be honest. I’ve come across this situation a couple of times in my life, where apparently half the class in a private school are threatening to leave, or most of a choir etc. In reality it’s just the ringleaders threatening to quit and making a lot of noise and when they quit actually most of the rest of the group quietly stay on. Or even if they leave, the group can rebuilt and find new members. This really isn’t the flex you think it is.

My view - let the other parents flounce and deprive their kids of taking part in the sport or find another team. Other kids may welcome the chance of getting a place.

Yeah that’s basically what I was trying to say. Some adults need to learn that they can’t always get what they want in life by throwing a strop.

Children go to school unaccompanied by their parents. Presumably the club has safeguarding rules snd procedures in place.

I think this very much depends on what specifically they mean and the layout of the buildings.

Yes it's very common to not be in the area where the activity is happening. Space and safety are usually big factors. However, that usually means you can be waiting in a corridor or other room just outside the activity room.

I would not be happy being told I wasn't even allowed in the building.

A DBS or equivalent just means they have a clear record not that they are 100% safe. Yes abuse happens in schools too but it's harder to keep quiet due to the large number of people in schools and relative lack of privacy. A whole school conspiracy would be incredibly rare and hard to set up but a small number of people not so much.

Grown adults find it difficult to talk about/report sexual assaults or situations that made them feel uncomfortable so I don't understand why anyone thinks young girls will just come and tell.

Have a chat with the coaches to find out specifically what they mean before going forwards with any decisions.

I wonder if it's come up during conversations with the girls. They might want closed practice some of the time. It says 'some'.

My niece did ballet for many years when she was little and parents were never allowed in to watch.

Suggest you just ask the question and ho from there. The flouncing mums sound like hard work - and have you even discussed it with the girls to see how they feel?

They are preteen and it's a very awkward time - I know as I have one.