To be thinking about moving boyfriend in?

[pankasyno23]

I know I'll more than likely be judged so I have NC.

I've got a just turned 5 year old DS from a previous relationship. I'm 6 months pregnant but I only found out 2 months ago. I've only been with my boyfriend for 7 months, I know please don't judge! When I found out I was pregnant it was too late to abort but I don't think I would've anyway. My boyfriend is supportive and we're both happy. DS has met my boyfriend as just a friend as he knew him before we got into a relationship.

I'm thinking of asking him to move in but my friends have said it's too soon. AIBU?

Did either of you have a 5 year old? Did you move in together because of an unplanned pregnancy? If not your experience isn’t relevant.

This is one of those situations you have to do what’s best for you and your family. At the end of the day, people can give advice but it’s not them that have to live your life or deal with the consequences of the things you do or don’t do. So just do you. Good luck x

There is no way on earth l would consider this.
I spent 13 years dealing with the aftermath of women making poor decisions and the children paying the ultimate price. Your friends are saying no for a very good reason.
I wish other people could see what I'm be seen, it would put them off living with another man ever again.

Obviously I haven’t if you bothered to read my pp.

Are you confident enough in your son’s speech and progress with speaking that he will be able to articulate clearly, and distinctly for instance, if he was unhappy, or if worse things were to happen? Hardly catastrophise Ing, but one of them has new stories were mother has moved in a boyfriend very swiftly and unfortunately than these become news stories. You say his speech delayed, so would you be confident that he will be able to tell you if something is quite profoundly wrong?

You’re not making it sound any better OP. Your DS has speech delay, so it would be even harder for him to say if something happened.
DS had a classmate who’s DM moved her boyfriend in quickly. It didn’t take long for her to get pregnant and for her first DC to then go to live with their DF.

@Unexpectedlysinglemum Thx. It baffles me too. FWIW I have had a couple of friends who needed help after c-section. It’s not like it’s just a tiny cut with a Band-Aid.

What a horrible comment.

Sometimes the truth is unpalatable.

No OP. Too soon.

No, I wouldn’t agree you’re speaking the “truth.” Your narrow life experience and “tough talk” isn’t relevant, it’s just nasty.

I cannot believe there are women going ahead with pregnancies and failing to consider the possibility that their kids' dads will be A. Useless sacks of shit or B. Absent altogether. If you actually believe you couldn't cope on your own, I'm not sure why you'd risk it.

You have no idea of my life experience, especially in this regard, I assure you it is vast and confronting.
I don't have any niceties and soft words for people as irresponsible as the op, my concern is for her vulnerable 5yr old.

Fortunately for the OP, you are an internet stranger, so your mean-spirited and self-serving “concern” can be ignored.

But please, tell us more about how all your children have one father, or perhaps share more of your no doubt wonderful marriage, as if anyone cares.

Well there it is, thank you for telling on yourself.

The only person with self serving intent is the op, but she can change that if she has a lick of sense left.

Whatever you think I’ve revealed, you are no doubt mistaken. :)

However, there is a small minority of MN posters who seem to take pleasure in posting vitriol, and it’s rarely called out. You would seem
to be part of this illustrious group.

Of course I am mistaken.

Vitriol? I am only guilty of holding people to my own expectations, it's understandable some people find that abrasive, I can only extend my sympathy so much unfortunately.

No one is perfect but it isn't a race to the bottom either.

Your tone was callous at best, and you very clearly judge OP for having two children from two men. That is what I was calling out as irrelevant to the post — no one does care about your very different life experience, because this post is not about you, is it?

I think only you can judge. Mine and DHs relationship moved very quickly, and we've been together 11 years now!

Like me? I moved in with my parents!

Sadly, I doubt that option is available to most actual adult women.

@AllOfThemWitches yes, this is exactly why she needs the baby's dad, who she's updated and said she's known for years, to be around to help her. As I said in my previous posts most people don't have a network of friends and family willing to drop their own lives and provide round the clock support to a mum and baby- that's the baby's dads job.

Op i do think it's sensible as PP have said to take evey step you can to safeguard your child against new bf possibly being a paedo or abuser, but equally I don't think if you wait another 6m-1y you'll be any the wiser about this - you've known him for a long time and you haven't heard any horror stories. And also, if he's there a lot helping with baby but not staying there then he'd also have access to both your kids.

I think the best situation is to be there as though living in but to have somewhere to go (his own place or parents etc) if you argue or want space or want him to leave/break up with him. Or if worst case scenario he is not nice to your big boy or you.

Also, I think PPs have been very negative assuming your 5 year old is going to hate having a baby around and this will turn his whole world upside down- children often love their baby siblings, yes it will be a change but it could be a lovely addition for him. Just needs very careful managing so he doesn't feel confused or pushed out.

OP please also ignore the particularly really nasty PP who seems determined to make you feel as small and stupid as possible which she judges you from up at her pulpit. Unplanned pregnancies can happen to anyone who ever has sex and this baby sounds like a wonderful blessing into your little family. There are lots of stories here about all this working out, just be careful and have a 'get out' plan set up.

I would also chat to someone pastoral at your sons school about what's happening- if your son has special needs they can advise you on books or things like social stories to prepare your big boy for the changes ahead. There might be a book you could even by about blended families or step dads or half baby siblings etc.

@nonmerci99 I agree, I think we should stop feeding the troll x

Sounds like it would be a big move but I’d start a couple of nights a week and take it from there.

There are sadly many men (like my ex) who only reveal their true colours during pregnancy or postpartum when they can't handle the focus of the woman being all about when and she tries to put her own (and therefore babys) needs first sometimes. Life becomes less fun for them and they get nastier. By the time this all escalated the unborn baby is already wanted and loved and probably too late to terminate anyway. And anyone CAN do it alone if they have to (men leave and die and are left) but it's so hard- why would anyone choose to if they have the option of a partner or other loved ones to help out and care and support