To be thinking about moving boyfriend in?

[pankasyno23]

I know I'll more than likely be judged so I have NC.

I've got a just turned 5 year old DS from a previous relationship. I'm 6 months pregnant but I only found out 2 months ago. I've only been with my boyfriend for 7 months, I know please don't judge! When I found out I was pregnant it was too late to abort but I don't think I would've anyway. My boyfriend is supportive and we're both happy. DS has met my boyfriend as just a friend as he knew him before we got into a relationship.

I'm thinking of asking him to move in but my friends have said it's too soon. AIBU?

@TallulahBetty it is too soon for a baby, but the ship's sailed on that one

Here is a medal 🏅

But I recently had a baby by c section and there's no way I could have been alone after coming back from hospital and looked after a 5yo at the same time as a newborn, bathing and cooking and taking him to school and back. I could barely scoot across my own bed unassisted for the first few days.

I think 5 is old enough to understand that this friend is now a boyfriend and is baby's daddy so will be coming to stay to help with the baby. She has a couple of months to get her son used to him. That would probably also enable op to spend a bit more time with her son too when baby is here- the baby's father can cuddle baby while she does her sons tea and bedtime etc.

Just don't make your home the baby's fathers 'official' home yet or any time soon.

If she needs help she’ll have to lean on friends or family, like she would if this boyfriend of not many months had bailed. He still might. Her son has got to be her priority and he’s going to be having enough going on without this rando moving in 24/7.

I moved in with my partner after 4 months.. 1 years and 6 months later we haven't been happier 🥰 all I can say is give it ago.. never know could be the best thing you ever done, it was for me

Agreed. There are some women on MN who love to shame and belittle pregnant and postpartum women who want to rest or take care of themselves or need support. It's baffling to me- the most vulnerable period of a woman's life!

The new boyfriend is/was also a friend though! Would he be allowed to come stay to help her is he wasn't the baby's father?

Did you have a 5 year old child living with you?

I think that's lovely it worked out for you but so many relationships don't after the first few months that it's not a good idea to sign a lease together or buy together at that stage- if someone moves into someone else's existing place the new person should have a back up whether that is their own place or parents with a spare room they are welcome to live in, so that the relationship can have a clean split if needed

Already established family and friends can help, her 5yr old doesn't need a strange man spending most of his time in his safe space when there is the disruption of a newborn as well.

I had my children 4yrs apart for a reason, part of that was they need little physical care compared to a toddler.
It's advised to get up and do some light walking from the time your epidural wears off so sitting around all day only hinders recovery.

Op has decided to continue with this pregnancy, the 5yr old has had no say, she should make this transition as smooth as possible for him, looks like she is only concerned about herself.

Thanks for the medal, I'll put it in my document folder that contains my marriage licence to my husband, the man I had all the children I will ever have with 👍

And no, I don't care how smug that sounds.

Why do you think he's less of a risk in the daytime than at night?

We’re you pregnant with a 5yo?

shit happens. do what's right for your little family now, don't worry about people's opinion if they are being judge. you will have two kids soon enough. we don't know enough to say move in or not. it's up to you. speak to your friends and family who know you well. start with overnights. your son will have a lot of adjusting to do. but your new baby is entitled to see his/her dad and bond. only you can tell.
btw i moved in with my new boyfriend after 6 weeks. now been 21 years. sometimes it's just right.

No pregnant, no children of my own but my partner has a 7 year old

Op your friends that are telling you it's too soon- can you ask them why? Have they got any bad vibes or do they know anything about your bf that you haven't mentioned to us? Are these friends also willing to camp over night on your sofa, make you food and bring it to you while you breast or bottle feed, hold baby while you take son to school and back, make your sons tea and do washing up, do your laundry change your bed sheets, Cuddle you when you're teary and emotional? (Is anyone else willing to do that? Is that anyone's job except the man who impregnated you?!) I would ask them all of this before they criticize.

Again, I still don't think 'officially' moving him legally paperwork wise in is a good idea yet.

you are pregnant for a man you don't even know , he could be a sex offender for all you know
if you move him into your house he could abuse you and your child

She does know him he was her friend first

You need to listen to your friends. IME when told that their friend is so happy with their DP they're thinking of moving in together, most women are supportive. If your friends are advising caution there will be a reason.

So a completely different scenario then?

she didn't say how long they were friends for,
I'm guessing they were "friends" for less than a week before they started sleeping together, "friends" don't have sex with each other

Some women have no choice but to do it all alone, how do you think they manage fgs

It’s not too soon. You’re having a baby together. If you both want to make a good go of this then yeah move in together!

Well I lived in after 6 months and were happily married for 10 years now but everyone on here will say it's too soon. Only you know. But I guess the difference here is introducing your son to a step dad so soon. You have to be so so sure

And are you even in love? You don't say

These sorts of set ups end up on BBC news a few months or a year from this point.

My friends aren't very supportive and I don't see them very often. I split with my DSs dad when he was a few months old so I have brought a baby up on my own and it was difficult so I know it will be more difficult with a newborn and a 5 year old especially as DS still wakes up in the night and wakes very early at 4/5am.

My boyfriend isn't a stranger, I've known him for many years as he's the younger brother of one of my close friends through school. He has stayed over a few times and we've had a few day trips to the zoo and the park.

He is good with DS and tries with him. DS just thinks we're friends and he is speech delayed and can't yet say many full sentences so I'm not sure how much he'll understand.