To be thinking about moving boyfriend in?

[pankasyno23]

I know I'll more than likely be judged so I have NC.

I've got a just turned 5 year old DS from a previous relationship. I'm 6 months pregnant but I only found out 2 months ago. I've only been with my boyfriend for 7 months, I know please don't judge! When I found out I was pregnant it was too late to abort but I don't think I would've anyway. My boyfriend is supportive and we're both happy. DS has met my boyfriend as just a friend as he knew him before we got into a relationship.

I'm thinking of asking him to move in but my friends have said it's too soon. AIBU?

Unfortunately based on what my DM did, I can well believe it’s real @Noicant .
I agree with your friends OP. Don’t do it.

This article is worth a read before you make any decisions
https://www.mysocialworknews.com/article/stop-leaving-your-children-with-boyfriends-you-hardly-even-know?fbclid=IwAR0Ipizq8tiwGKgIdxpINIeVS_WSD_DSxW2Q_gl90iVasc2_JdyZ9fxEO94

@pankasyno23 whats he like? What's your relationship like? If you weren't pregnant would you even be thinking about living together? Has he mentioned it?

Why bother asking? I get the impression you'll do it anyway

Don't move him in. It's not fair on your child. You need to speak with him and explain he can't live with you.

Let him do what he wants around being a dad, don't stand in the way of contact.

I let my boyfriend move in with me and my baby and it's my biggest regret. I was coerced into it, and so are you if you are not here saying you want this, but you are thinking of it but not sure.

Don't do it. Just be firm and keep yours and your children's home as yours.

No one can blame you for getting pregnant, it's just nature, congratulations, but keep your security and don't let a man take over. And he will try to take over.

a friend as he knew him before we got into a relationship.

How long have you known this guy? Makes a difference if you've been friends a long time before getting together.

You're very fortunate to have friends who are telling you this, they seem like real friends.

Listen to them. If your life goes tits up because of this it's not fair on them. My friends have had to go through this whole thing with me and the mess I'm left with afterwards.

Of course it’s too soon. Your 5year old is going to face enough change with a new baby and moving in a stranger on top would be even more upheaval for them.

you’ve also only been together a very short time and I suspect that it you weren’t pregnant you wouldn’t be considering moving him in

He's not a total stranger everyone she has said in op they were friends first.

To me that's less risky than a tinder boyfriend etc. whether or not they 'officially' live together her ds is going to see lots of him day and night when the baby arrives. That's an upheaval for the da yes but it's necessary unless you're suggesting she's doing nights with a newborn alone. That would be very hard even if she didn't have another child to look after.

Op I think it would defo put less emotional and practical pressure on everyone if he doesn't give up his current accommodation though for now, although that will be financial pressure on both of you, at least for the first 6 months when hopefully you have enough maternity pay to pay your own bills and rent/mortgage and he pays his.

Does your son know about baby? And that
This man is your boyfriend and baby's father? Gently telling him that is the first step!

But she is pregnant! She will need round the clock help with this new baby

What are your finances like op? Is it that you need him to be living with you and paying towards rent so that you can afford to take mat leave?

What happened after he moved in why do you regret it?

I may be skewed in my advice slightly as my ex left a few weeks before baby arrives and it was so so so hard not having a partner around to help with a new born

Children are most at risk of violence and sexual assault from stepfathers.

Do not move men who you barely know into a home with your children. You're putting them at risk.

Because he was controlling and abusive and was after the security I have in having a home. He wanted to shoehorn his way into a family without working at securing a home for one and making one of his own.

I get he may wish to move in as he has a child with you, but his disregard for the effect it will have on your 5 year old is evidence he's not a good person who has children's best interest at heart.

The article makes some very good points and I agree with almost all of it except, dads aren't mentioned once.
Men make poor relationship choices too but don't face the same judgment as women.

The point about Claire's Law and Sarah's Law is especially important. Even if you know someone as a friend, you more than likely wouldn't know about previous history and convictions.

Because generally women aren't a risk to children @foolishone

Poor kid. He's a brand new baby and a brand new bloke in your home.

Hope that's okay!

Is this bf's first child?

There have been many many cases where women have been more than a risk to non blood related children in a household.

Don’t move him in. You haven’t even had a Christmas as a couple! It is far too soon, by all means make sure he is doing his fair share of baby support , and paying too, but a new baby is a stressful time in any relationship, let alone one which still has the tags on like yours.

And then there is your other child…… so many reasons to not let him move in.

Too soon, by a very long chalk.

Yes, it might be helpful to you to have another pair of hands around with the new baby, but your 5 yo needs stability. It’s going to be tough enough for him having a new baby come along, without having a strange man come along too.

Your bf can pop over to help with baby during the day but he shouldn’t move in.

Horrible advice

How can moving in be 'too soon' but it's not too soon for a baby?

I agree that the risks are lower but I don't believe there's no risk. I just feel that the article whilst right also felt blaming and it wouldn't have hurt her to mention that women can be terrible step parents too.

Taking away the biggest concerns about domestic abuse and CSA, there are still other risks around introducing a new person into a family.
Emotional upheaval, the challenges of blending families, differences in parenting styles and lots more.

That's always tricky but especially so when throwing people together in a joke after a few months of dating.