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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have snapped at this woman

126 replies

Iwasonce · 10/08/2023 17:07

Had a slightly hellish trip to the doctors today where both my toddler and baby were screaming. As I was trying to get them out I dropped my car key and it went right under my car. I had to lie on the ground and use an empty water bottle in my car to try to get it out. A woman stopped and asked if I was all right and I briefly explained, and she started giggling and saying oh dear. I rather curtly said I was glad someone was finding it funny. I now think I was probably really rude so wondering what the mn consensus is.

OP posts:
KittensAllOverTheCarpetAndSofa · 10/08/2023 17:10

She stopped to ask if you were okay, tried to make light of your situation- maybe in a ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’ kind of way and you snapped at her.
Yes, you were rude.

enchantedsquirrelwood · 10/08/2023 17:11

I don't think she will have been offended, she probably realised you were stressed. Don't worry about it - she was a stranger and you are unlikely to see her again.

ChestnutGrove · 10/08/2023 17:11

Neither of you were wrong. She was being friendly and you were being how anyone is if they have a baby and toddler screaming at the same time in public -stressed!

cushioncovers · 10/08/2023 17:14

Yeah you were a bit rude

UltramarineViolet · 10/08/2023 17:15

Completely understandable why you snapped and no harm done. It's not like you told her to f* off 😅

EvilElsa · 10/08/2023 17:19

She obviously didn't mean to cause you any offence -she was probably going for solidarity with her laugh thinking you'd also see the funny side. I also get why you were annoyed after a rough day! It was perhaps a bit sharp, but it's done now. Don't worry about it, I've heard much ruder responses!!

RainyWeekend · 10/08/2023 17:26

Of course you were rude. The lady was asking to help you and you made her feel as Shit as you did.

Well done.

TeaKitten · 10/08/2023 17:26

Yep you were rude, I’m sure she didn’t think much more of it though, it’s not like you were hurling insults around.

WarmButteryCrumpets · 10/08/2023 17:28

Well to be fair she was quite rude to openly laugh at your situation! I think she should have expected you get snapped at for that!

midsomermurderess · 10/08/2023 17:29

‘I said rather curtly…’. Frankly, you sound ridiculous, and just not jusy own your behaviour. Stop looking for this kind of validation.

Original poster
Iwasonce · 10/08/2023 17:30

She wasn’t offering to help. She asked if I was OK, then laughed Confused

OP posts:
ALongHardWinter · 10/08/2023 17:31

I can totally understand why you snapped. Some people seem all too ready to find other people's misfortune amusing.

Original poster
Iwasonce · 10/08/2023 17:32

I’m sure no harm was meant but chortling and giggling was really not what I needed to hear in that particular moment!

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 10/08/2023 17:33

Iwasonce · 10/08/2023 17:30

She wasn’t offering to help. She asked if I was OK, then laughed Confused

Asking if someone is OK is offering help.

She was a bit silly, to have laughed - but I'd put that down to social awkwardness or unusual quirk.

I don't think it was your finest moment, snapping at her, but equally I wouldn't make too much of it - you were having a nightmare with squalling kids and dropped keys so understandable!

Countingdowntochristmas · 10/08/2023 17:34

RainyWeekend · 10/08/2023 17:26

Of course you were rude. The lady was asking to help you and you made her feel as Shit as you did.

Well done.

Where in the OP does it say the lady was trying to help?

weirdoboelady · 10/08/2023 17:34

I would have been the same. And now I would be thinking of posting on the local neighbourhood group, telling the story and putting an apology to the woman out there. 😘Sorry you had such a crap time.

ALongHardWinter · 10/08/2023 17:34

Posted too soon. This reminded me of the time a few years ago when I got on a bus,and the bus driver did the usual thing of driving off before I'd sat down. I lurched sideways as the bus went round a corner,bashing the base of my spine on the arm rest of a seat. I was obviously in pain,but the woman in the seat nearby looked at me and laughed. I thought well,thanks for that!

EarringsandLipstick · 10/08/2023 17:35

Iwasonce · 10/08/2023 17:32

I’m sure no harm was meant but chortling and giggling was really not what I needed to hear in that particular moment!

She laughed and said 'oh dear'. Is that chortling and giggling? She hardly stood there for ages pointing and holding her sides.

I am sure I'd have an internal eyeroll too if I were in your shoes but it's not a big deal (from either of you).

EmmasRegurgitatedShrimps · 10/08/2023 17:35

If you’d replied to me like that I’d be thinking “Yeah, I was a jackass to laugh instead of asking how I could help.”

Original poster
Iwasonce · 10/08/2023 17:36

I am inclined to think she just wanted to know why I was lying on the ground by a car while two kids screamed the place down Grin

OP posts:
wehaveeaches · 10/08/2023 17:37

@Iwasonce There's two ways to laugh though isn't there? I reckon you can always tell the way the laugh is meant... or usually at least.

LAHallucinations · 10/08/2023 17:37

She asked if you were OK, so she would presumably have offered you help if you needed it. But retrieving a key from under a car isn't exactly a two person job. She was trying to be nice, you were rude to her.

Original poster
Iwasonce · 10/08/2023 17:38

Well, chortling and giggling are synonyms of laughing. So, yes.

I do get no harm was meant but it’s just not what you need. I remember it happening years ago, when my car broke down and was steaming in a car park and a woman started giggling and saying ‘oooh goodness that doesn’t look good’ No harm meant but it was an absolute disaster for me and someone finding it funny was pretty upsetting!

OP posts:
Original poster
Iwasonce · 10/08/2023 17:39

wehaveeaches · 10/08/2023 17:37

@Iwasonce There's two ways to laugh though isn't there? I reckon you can always tell the way the laugh is meant... or usually at least.

Sure and I don’t think it was mean. But I don’t think that particular situation was particularly funny I suppose.

Apart from anything else I nearly reopened my c section getting the key out!

OP posts:
MrsGalloway · 10/08/2023 17:41

Of course she stopped to help, she asked if you were ok. She was probably expecting you to say something like “not really I’ve dropped my key can you see it, could you help me reach it etc” but as you didn’t ask for her help she probably then felt a bit awkward hence the laugh.

I think you were rude but you know that which is why it’s bothered you enough to post on mumsnet. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, she’s probably giving it far less thought than you are.

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