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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have snapped at this woman

126 replies

Iwasonce · 10/08/2023 17:07

Had a slightly hellish trip to the doctors today where both my toddler and baby were screaming. As I was trying to get them out I dropped my car key and it went right under my car. I had to lie on the ground and use an empty water bottle in my car to try to get it out. A woman stopped and asked if I was all right and I briefly explained, and she started giggling and saying oh dear. I rather curtly said I was glad someone was finding it funny. I now think I was probably really rude so wondering what the mn consensus is.

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 10/08/2023 20:22

Laughed at you?
Laughed with you?
Laughed nervously?

Who knows? I sympathise having experienced similar Fuck my life moments as a mum, so you get a hall pass from me.

Thinking about it- Ive tried to smile in conciliation at red faced mums trying to wrangle with crying babies and toddlers in a sort of “been there” way.
Hope they don’t think I’m smirking or laughing at them 🫤

Escapetofrance · 10/08/2023 20:27

You were quite rightly fed up-I would be in that position. I wouldn’t think about it again. You could have said a lot worse!

Threenow · 10/08/2023 20:27

It really shouldn't surprise me any more, but it still does, that when a person makes a perfectly reasonable comment, or laughs at a situation which might not seem funny at the time but actually is, that posters rush onto MN to agree that someone is rude or weird, or similar. Where I live, if someone asks if you are OK that is seen as offering help. It wasn't the woman's fault OP was having a shit day, and how was she to know anyway. The lack of basic social skills on MN is mind-boggling.

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 10/08/2023 20:30

pigsDOfly · 10/08/2023 20:21

But the woman wasn't offering help.

She asked if OP was all right and when OP explained the situation she started laughing?

How is standing there laughing at someone in that situation offering help?

Show quote history

If someone takes the time to stop and ask if you’re alright then they’re obviously seeing if you need help.

Her laughing at the situation is a normal response.
OP dropped her keys, no one died.

She obviously would have helped if OP instead of giving her a dickish reply said can you hold my pram whilst I get my keys.

Original poster
Iwasonce · 10/08/2023 20:32

I think the point is she didn’t offer to help, she just laughed.

@MrsGalloway its so tedious when posters insist that because you think one thing you should not post. I do think I was a bit rude, as it happens, but I was very tired, hot, stressed and in a not insignificant amount of discomfort so I do think it was a little justified.

OP posts:
katepilar · 10/08/2023 20:41

Dont give it any more headspace. Of course you werent in a jokey mood in that situation.

Usernamen · 10/08/2023 20:51

In the nicest possible way OP, I am stressed just reading your posts! I think you need to relax :)

Hope the littlies are okay now (what were they screaming about?)

1967buglet · 10/08/2023 20:58

Cut yourself some slack. We’ve all had stressful days and been a bit curt. Hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

oakleaffy · 10/08/2023 21:05

She sounds a bit dense if she 'Giggled'..how on earth is seeing someone cuddling about under a car looking for keys remotely funny?

oakleaffy · 10/08/2023 21:06

Edit :Guddling, not 'Cuddling' ..Bloody spellcheckers.

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 10/08/2023 21:21

Iwasonce · 10/08/2023 20:32

I think the point is she didn’t offer to help, she just laughed.

@MrsGalloway its so tedious when posters insist that because you think one thing you should not post. I do think I was a bit rude, as it happens, but I was very tired, hot, stressed and in a not insignificant amount of discomfort so I do think it was a little justified.

But by asking if you were alright she was asking if you needed help.

If you weren’t rude she would have stuck around to help but I don’t blame her for walking off and not bothering.

MysteryBelle · 10/08/2023 21:36

She should have had the perception to see that the last thing you needed right then was chortling and acting cutesy while you were trying to keep two tiny children safe and simultaneously lying on the ground attempting to reach your keys from under the car.

When someone has a fall, or who is in an embarrassing or awkward situation in public, you cannot go wrong by not laughing and hurry to them to see if they need help. This basic human courtesy should not even have to be said. And if you had smiled and laughed then yes she could have joined you in that but not overly mirthful, this is the most basic kind of manners that are hard to put into words because they shouldn’t have to be.

MysteryBelle · 10/08/2023 21:38

is and is, forgive my grammar mistakes, I was up all night last night.

MrsGalloway · 10/08/2023 22:16

Really wasn’t going to come back to this but I commented because it resonated with me as someone who has a tendency to snap first and then feel bad about it later.

I wasn’t at all saying you shouldn’t post and I am sorry for being tedious. I thought you were asking if you were being unreasonable for snapping at the woman and, whilst acknowledging I wasn’t there so didn’t hear tone etc, I thought you were a bit. I felt that earlier in the thread it seemed as though you were just wanted a bit of affirmation for how you reacted so that’s why I questioned why it was a AIBU.

I was trying make the point, badly obviously, that you are likely to be giving this far more thought than she is but also that you were tired stressed upset but you don’t know anything about her so it seems a bit unfair - not you but other posters- to jump to a conclusion that she was laughing at you and being an arsehole (as I think someone described her)

I completely get what it’s like to be wrangling a toddler and newborn in that kind of scenario and it’s not fun. Hoping the rest of your week is better 💐

WandaWonder · 10/08/2023 22:21

Yes rude, of course there will be others who go the line of a person with kids excuses any kind of rudeness

It does not for me

FarmGirl78 · 10/08/2023 22:43

In your shoes I'd have been desperate for someone to laugh about this with. I don't like being grumpy and narked, so I would have rather made light of the situation to stop myself getting cross. If I was swiping away with my pop bottle getting all grubby, hot and sweaty I would have welcomed with open arms someone being light-hearted about my predicament. Its better than having a grumpy passerby mumbling something like "Bloody stupid mother. Shouldn't have dropped her keys. And she should stop those blasted kids screaming too". In years to come you'll look back on this and laugh - she was doing the same but just sooner.

Soapyspuds · 10/08/2023 23:14

She asked if you were okay having seen you on the floor. You were rude to her.

WhatNoRaisins · 11/08/2023 06:21

Can't speak for everyone but I wouldn't be comfortable asking for help from a person laughing at me. I mean maybe if it was a really desperate situation I'd have to but I really wouldn't like to.

WandaWonder · 11/08/2023 06:24

WhatNoRaisins · 11/08/2023 06:21

Can't speak for everyone but I wouldn't be comfortable asking for help from a person laughing at me. I mean maybe if it was a really desperate situation I'd have to but I really wouldn't like to.

I can tell the difference when someone is laughing at me or laughing at a situation, in this instance I would feel the person is laughing at the situation

WhatNoRaisins · 11/08/2023 06:30

I think some people can read the room and only laugh when they can see the other person is also finding it a bit funny but others just do it to everyone. Personally I strongly dislike anyone laughing when something bad happens to me.

Oatycookies · 11/08/2023 06:38

She sounds really insensitive. This isn’t anything to do with someone having young kids or not as a pp said. I’m sure most of the posters criticising you do have kids tbh - I don’t have kids and I can still sympathise on a human level as we’ve all had things go wrong when we’re out in public and silly people who just giggle and be nosy rather than just walking by or actively offering help or sympathy. Incredibly annoying.

I can understand to an extent if it’s a close friend comfortable enough to try and make light of the situation but even in that case they should immediately follow up the laughter with offering to help.

KittensandPerverts · 11/08/2023 08:03

Absolutely not wrong of you. I can't stand people sticking their beaks in.

Soapyspuds · 11/08/2023 15:01

Can't speak for everyone but I wouldn't be comfortable asking for help from a person laughing at me. I mean maybe if it was a really desperate situation I'd have to but I really wouldn't like to

She laughed AFTER OP told them she was fine and why she was on the floor.

Original poster
Iwasonce · 11/08/2023 15:03

@Soapyspuds

I didn’t say I was fine!

OP posts:
M4J4 · 11/08/2023 15:09

I think people need to learn to read the room. I saw a woman pushing an empty trolley in Tesco fall forwards face first (she was leaning all her weight on it for some reason). People asked how she was but it was pretty obvious she wasn't hurt, so people asking if she was ok were kind of smirky and she was very curt with them. Her friend arrived and they laughed over it because she could see the funny side with her friend, not some randoms.

Most people can recognise when people are genuine or not.

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