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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have snapped at this woman

126 replies

Iwasonce · 10/08/2023 17:07

Had a slightly hellish trip to the doctors today where both my toddler and baby were screaming. As I was trying to get them out I dropped my car key and it went right under my car. I had to lie on the ground and use an empty water bottle in my car to try to get it out. A woman stopped and asked if I was all right and I briefly explained, and she started giggling and saying oh dear. I rather curtly said I was glad someone was finding it funny. I now think I was probably really rude so wondering what the mn consensus is.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iwasonce · 10/08/2023 17:42

No, not really, just got some time while feeding the baby and wondered.

Anyone who says ‘but you know that’ tends to have me thinking the opposite to what they think.

OP posts:
MrsToothyBitch · 10/08/2023 17:42

I can't stand people like that. It's probably awkwardness on their part but I find them inane and stupid. I call them blithering mimsies.

I do think the lady was awkward but well meaning - but it still would've irked me. I probably would've said back politely but flatly "Sorry I'm not laughing with you- I'm just finding it hard to see the funny side when I'm the one with the dropped car key, stretched out on the mucky ground with 2 screaming babies needing my attention".

sunglassesonthetable · 10/08/2023 17:42

She didn't read the room and you were stressed.

It happens.

GiraffeLaSophie · 10/08/2023 17:45

If she actually giggled (rather than a brief, sympathetic laugh) then I think it was justified to be short with her.

Either way, I doubt she’s gone home thinking “it was really unreasonable of that stressed woman with the two very young upset children to have snapped at me”. I wouldn’t worry about it.

ilovesooty · 10/08/2023 17:45

You were understandably irritated but it's not worth giving head space to after it's happened.

TheaBrandt · 10/08/2023 17:49

Oh you met my mother in law then. There really are people that chuckle at others misfortune and frankly they deserve any sharp words as a result.

SweetStrawberrie · 10/08/2023 17:53

I have 2 young children and hear you OP.

I'd of been irritated too if someone started laughing in this situation.

Really, you didn't say anything particularly bad.

Original poster
Iwasonce · 10/08/2023 17:57

@SweetStrawberrie Flowers

It is tough going.

OP posts:
CannotCareAboutKane · 10/08/2023 17:59

I hear you. I would have been annoyed if someone had started laughing at me when i was clearly under stress.

My second son when a toddler managed to lock himself into our car. (I had stupidly left the keys within reach while buckling in older DS).

i had a mother with a similar aged child laughing at me while I frantically asked DS2 to press the button as he waved the car keys delightedly; unclipped himself from the child seat; took off his nappy and smeared poo over the windows. I did snap at her as she was double upped with hilarity and she told me i was a rude bitch.

Not me, love.

Original poster
Iwasonce · 10/08/2023 18:00

That was undeniably rude of her @CannotCareAboutKane

Hope you got sorted.

OP posts:
Mamette · 10/08/2023 18:00

I think what you said was fine.

You have enough on your plate at the moment without worrying about this woman.

CannotCareAboutKane · 10/08/2023 18:01

I did. Thanks. :) DS2 the little monster sat on the damned car key and unlocked. it.

I went home and drank a very great deal of vodka while I made dinner for DH who was not home yet. Then i went to bed.

11 years ago and I have not forgotten.

ShadowPuppets · 10/08/2023 18:05

If she wanted to help she could have made that clear by saying ‘can I help at all?’ rather than laughing. YANBU at all OP.

I had 2 under 2 last summer and I remember a number of occasions where I was very stressed in public and it was treated by passers by as vaguely amusing when actually I would have appreciated a bloody hand because I am not an octopus and was hot and stressed and sleep deprived.

EarringsandLipstick · 10/08/2023 18:06

Iwasonce · 10/08/2023 17:38

Well, chortling and giggling are synonyms of laughing. So, yes.

I do get no harm was meant but it’s just not what you need. I remember it happening years ago, when my car broke down and was steaming in a car park and a woman started giggling and saying ‘oooh goodness that doesn’t look good’ No harm meant but it was an absolute disaster for me and someone finding it funny was pretty upsetting!

I mean, we weren't there and you were so I guess you know the impression that was given.

For me though, you seem determined to make slightly irritating observations and reactions by passersby A Thing. Unnecessarily so (including your account of the woman & the car breaking down).

The reason I noted 'chortling and giggling' is that while yes they are synonyms, you are making an overly-excessive point about her LAUGHING - it really doesn't sound like she did. She asked if you were ok, and in an oh dear kind of way, giggled.

It's irritating, but not the end of the world. Just like you were rude, but it's not the end of the world. (Some people are a bit daft and lacking in common sense to see the stress another individual might be under and why a little laugh / oh dear won't go down well!)

Original poster
Iwasonce · 10/08/2023 18:07

No one claimed it was the end of the world, and I don’t think my response indicated that I thought it was.

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 10/08/2023 18:07

CannotCareAboutKane · 10/08/2023 17:59

I hear you. I would have been annoyed if someone had started laughing at me when i was clearly under stress.

My second son when a toddler managed to lock himself into our car. (I had stupidly left the keys within reach while buckling in older DS).

i had a mother with a similar aged child laughing at me while I frantically asked DS2 to press the button as he waved the car keys delightedly; unclipped himself from the child seat; took off his nappy and smeared poo over the windows. I did snap at her as she was double upped with hilarity and she told me i was a rude bitch.

Not me, love.

Oh my god. That was a nightmare. I can well imagine you remember it so many years on!

WhatNoRaisins · 10/08/2023 18:08

I wouldn't worry, if she was offended by what she said she can always just laugh it off.

EarringsandLipstick · 10/08/2023 18:10

Iwasonce · 10/08/2023 18:07

No one claimed it was the end of the world, and I don’t think my response indicated that I thought it was.

Why are you being so snippy? I never said you claimed it was the end of the world. I said it wasn't the end of the world - quite different. As in, I'm making the point that her response was a trivial annoyance. Your response was also not a big deal, just a little rude and unnecessary.

You do (to me) in your posts seem to want to make it a bigger deal than it warrants and to see an issue with what the woman did.

Giveuprobot · 10/08/2023 18:10

I think you were rude but I don't think it matters. It's pretty rude to ask if someone is OK, when they obviously aren't, and then laugh at their obvious not OK-ness.

Retrievemysanity · 10/08/2023 18:13

Oh bless you. I would’ve probably laughed, sorry, but I would’ve offered to help. It’s hard to see the funny side when you’re stressed out but when you’re not, it’s hard to remember how horrible it is if you know what I mean.

PollyPandas · 10/08/2023 18:13

CannotCareAboutKane · 10/08/2023 17:59

I hear you. I would have been annoyed if someone had started laughing at me when i was clearly under stress.

My second son when a toddler managed to lock himself into our car. (I had stupidly left the keys within reach while buckling in older DS).

i had a mother with a similar aged child laughing at me while I frantically asked DS2 to press the button as he waved the car keys delightedly; unclipped himself from the child seat; took off his nappy and smeared poo over the windows. I did snap at her as she was double upped with hilarity and she told me i was a rude bitch.

Not me, love.

Oh my god! I hope it's OK to laugh now because that is skit-worthy! Your poor thing, though, you must have been frantic at the time and I like to think that, as a passer-by I'd have actually tried to help and restrained my laughter for retelling the story later!

Silvered · 10/08/2023 18:17

It's not rocket science to see that someone is stressed and struggling - laughing at them by way of response is rude itself. So she got the response that she deserved.

If you're going to stop and ask someone if they are alright, then be prepared to offer some sympathy or practical help. If you aren't interested in doing so then mind your business and keep walking.

Original poster
Iwasonce · 10/08/2023 18:22

@EarringsandLipstick I’m not being snippy. I have to say it feels like you’re wanting a bit of a row: it isn’t a big deal.

It was you who said ‘it’s not the end of the world’ so I answered that. I don’t think it was hugely snippy to say well, it’s not the end of the world but then I never claimed it was 😊

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 10/08/2023 18:23

What gets me about the majority of these laughers is it's always someone else's misery that gets laughed at. Like that woman that called the PP a "rude bitch" when she could have just had a good laugh at being snapped at.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 10/08/2023 18:24

She was obnoxious. You aren't obliged to "be kind" to every stranger who inserts themselves into your life. "I'm glad someone is finding it funny" in an annoyed tone is not rude in these circumstances.