Me or DD being unreasonable?

[Shoebills]

Sorry, didn't know how to word the title.

We have a dog and a puppy, but the puppy is kind of irrelevant here as this is about the older dog. We take it in turns to take older dog out for the second walk of the day, near the local park/fields. The main walk is always done by me on the weekdays (right now, the younger kids come with me and at the weekends we all go as a family).

She's 17 and her day is the Thursday, as I'm really busy that day with the younger ones. She refuses to do it in the daylight hours... will only go once the sun has gone in. I've told her that I don't feel comfortable with her going at night. She's 17 and I don't want her in fields or parks in darkness. Surely this isn't unreasonable? She is so "idc" about it, says she has more chance dying on the way to college (she drives) and that's when she will do it and if I'm not happy with that, someone else can do it earlier.

Would you just let her do it at that time? I spend the whole time worrying!

Haha typical teen vampire . 17 is old enough to walk in the evening. Its not 2am is it? Just after sunset.

An alarm isnt going to work over a field where theres noone else to hear it. Youre right to be worried but the compromise is that she takes the dog out but walks where theres people and streetlights where its safer. Theres no need to walk the dog over empty fields when it's dark. I'd be scared. The dog can have a perfectly fine walk once a week through an estate with houses etc. If she says she will do this then doesn't that's her choice

I'd happily walk the dog late at night (and frequently do) my only reason for avoiding a certain field is because I'm more likely to trip in all the holes in the dark, the risk from a stranger doesn't come into it. The daughter is more at risk of having an accident driving to college but the outcomes are different. Males are at more risk from strangers, females are more at risk from people they know but again outcomes are different.

@Shoebills can you discuss things with your dd with specific examples or is it just a blanket fear, do you have a particular reason to feel that location is unsafe at that time? Does your dd think you are over exaggerating the actual risks?

It is sad to see so many mothers pushing unlikely fears onto their daughters. Women should and are perfectly capable of being out after dark and not just in well lit specific areas. They are in more danger once in a relationship with someone.

What is the area like? If its like my own, its much more dodgy in early mornings rather than late nights.

There was a case near where I live where a student got split up from her friends on her way home from a night out around 2/2.30. Fairly busy town centre. A man saw her and stalked her back to her student halls which were just over 5 minutes away. She was steps from the front door when he grabbed her. He attempted to rape her but luckily a security guard happened to be doing his rounds and interrupted. The would-be rapist got away but was found thanks to the amount of CCTV footage.

It's all about risks and what risks are reasonable. I don't think OP is BU I'm not wanting her DD to go to an isolated spot in the dark on her own. I wouldn't be happy either.

We have to look after our horse sometimes after dark in lonely fields, no one around, done it for years by myself, now daughter does it too, I get more worried about getting injured and no one finding one of us than being attacked

I totally agree with you OP, I myself wouldn’t go out in the dark to fields as I wouldn’t feel safe so I certainly wouldn’t let my daughter, there’s too many weirdos about these days.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. But it's so very hard to portray that to a 17 year old, I remember being young and feeling immortal all too well.

I have a large German shepherd cross who is quite protective and I still wouldn't walk through parks or fields on my own in the dark. It is a risk and it is so not worth it.

Is there anyone else that can do it? I would try to talk to her again and if she really won't budge then make other arrangements. This might be unpopular opinion but if the dog has enough mental stimulation throughout the day it doesn't NEED to have a second walk on Thursdays.

The best outcome is that your daughter thinks your a bit crazy and overprotective

I've walked my dogs in a completely unlit park for years, my daughter walks hers there too at separate times. I've never heard of anyone being attacked there but in my local town there have been several attacks and rapes late at night in quiet areas. I'd rather my kids walked up the park than around town on their own at night.

I don't think your being unreasonable at all and I would feel similarly. Sadly in this day and age we women still have to be aware of situations which might put us at increased risk of being attacked, which is heart breaking and horrid but unfortunately its just reality. It's obviously a good thing for your daughter to have her independence and it sounds like she's a mature and sensible girl...but sadly that doesn't change the fact that there are some nasty individuals out there.

An alarm isnt going to work over a field where theres noone else to hear it.

That is not the primary use. It's mainly to frighten off the attacker, if used correctly. Read the rest of my post.

Good on your DD for refusing to be cowed. I'd love to go for a midnight walk but I'm too bloody scared to (which makes me angry.) I once went to the park at 4am (in the summer, it was already light) and was told that was dangerous. Like hell it was! It was nice and peaceful.

Well that’s a leap 💩