Me or DD being unreasonable?

[Shoebills]

Sorry, didn't know how to word the title.

We have a dog and a puppy, but the puppy is kind of irrelevant here as this is about the older dog. We take it in turns to take older dog out for the second walk of the day, near the local park/fields. The main walk is always done by me on the weekdays (right now, the younger kids come with me and at the weekends we all go as a family).

She's 17 and her day is the Thursday, as I'm really busy that day with the younger ones. She refuses to do it in the daylight hours... will only go once the sun has gone in. I've told her that I don't feel comfortable with her going at night. She's 17 and I don't want her in fields or parks in darkness. Surely this isn't unreasonable? She is so "idc" about it, says she has more chance dying on the way to college (she drives) and that's when she will do it and if I'm not happy with that, someone else can do it earlier.

Would you just let her do it at that time? I spend the whole time worrying!

She is BU. There's a balance between being afraid of your own shadow and placing yourself in situations where you are vulnerable.
I always think quoting statistics is a bit daft too. I mean, the odds of being burgled are low in my area, but I still lock my front door. And while the majority of women in fields or woods after dark are not assaulted, that's not much help if you end up being one who is.
Does she give a reason for her insistence? Because if not I'd suspect she's doing it on purpose so you end up taking the job off her.

I actually can see why you’re worried. I listen to a lot of true crime podcasts and a 17 year old walking across fields and parks at night, is a target. I’d advise her to be sticking to lit roads but even that isn’t safe.

Ultimately, everything carries a risk and we can’t stop them from doing things we don’t like forever, but I’d be worried too 😞

Some of these comments are a bit odd.

I live in London, and I will happily walk through this city at 3am in the morning and feel safe. I say this to stress that I'm not afraid of the dark.

However, I avoid certain streets at all times and I avoid parks when it gets dark. There have been enough police reports here to prove how dangerous those areas are.

I wouldn't be happy with any woman I know walking their dog in a park at night. There are so many places to hide and jump out at you, and it's a needless gamble.

Why does DD have to take the dog to a park? If she wants to walk the dog at night, can't she find a safer route?

On her next birthday she will be 18. She will be able to do what she likes when she likes. What are you going to do then?

I can’t imagine walking the dogs in darkness unless it’s the winter! But she obviously prefers it and if she’s doing it I wouldn’t care. Just tell her to be cautious etc. could she do just a road walk? We always to a road walk in the winter for the dogs second walk.

In the past few years near me a woman was raped running through a park by the local Tesco at 8am on a weekday morning in winter.

Up the road from my work a woman was sexually assaulted in a small park.

Last summer just down by sunny bank mill where the sewing bee was filmed, there is a very small park. During the early evening whilst still light she was attacked despite being with her small kids. A potential rapist tried to drag her into bushes, but she managed to fight him off.

A few months ago and a few miles from sunny bank mills a woman out at four am was raped in an area of trees between a main road and a McDonalds.

That's just a few, I can think of so many, the woman at a bus stop in Leeds hit over the head with a rock, the woman who managed to fend off her attacker with a piece of wood in a big Leeds park, the woman that two men tried to drag into a van in Ilkley. The harrowing story of the school teacher in a domestic violence refuge in the managed prostitution zone in Holbeck who was raped. Of course we've had much more notorious attackers like the Houghley Gill rapist, the crossbow cannibal killer and Peter Sutcliffe. Driving across the moors last week one of my relatives said, oh they found a raped and murdered girl's body here 50 years ago. They never caught the person.

I don't know about any of these things through social media gossip, I saw them in the media with the exception of the last one.

On a much more personal level two female relatives have suffered stranger rape.

You're not wrong OP. We might not like it but women out in the dark and indeed in the light on their own are at risk. It is sad but it is true and it has been going on for years and does not go away. You only need to Google rapes or sexual attacks in your local area and look at local newspapers and there will be loads of attacks. People don't like to think about it.

However there is only so much you can do as your daughter is nearly an adult. maybe Google attacks in your area to show your daughter the risk she is at. She shouldn't have to stop walking alone and in quiet places of course, but as women that is something we are burdened with.

I tried to get some links for this post by Googling rapes in Leeds parks but even more that I had no idea about came up.

No I wouldn't let her. They thjnk they're invincible at that age but she's really vulnerable, sadly. We shouldn't have to be worried about these things but its the world we live in.

I'm not sure you can stop her, but I agree, I wouldn't go walking there

Why is this even a question? Sadly the world we live in, women walking alone are night are more vulnerable than men.

Haven’t RTFT, just your responses - is she trying to get out of the dog walk “chore” by doing it when she knows it will cause you stress? In the hope you’ll tell her to leave it to you? (And I’m a bit worried about the dog, tbh! Dogs usually need more structure than being taken out whenever a grumpy teenager decides to do so)

I get it op my dd is the same age and I don't like her taking the dog out when it's dark, if she does I tell her to stick to streets and I wouldn't be happy for her to walk over the fields and park where it's pitch black.

Unfortunately as women we are vulnerable especially if it's dark and remote.

Attacks are rare, but when they do happen they can have catastrophic consequences. It’s irrelevant that men are attacked more often than women: a man has a much better chance of fighting off a male attacker, and cannot possibly get pregnant as a result of the attack.

Your daughter might feel safer being with a dog, but dog walking is different from walking from A to B and more likely to involve locations that are less safe (like parks). Moreover, if a man attacks your daughter the dog will probably try to protect her and could also come to harm.

So perhaps it’s not a huge risk, but in my opinion it’s not a risk worth taking. Especially when there’s an alternative.

When I lived at home with my mum at 17 I used to walk our dog late at night too. I still go for walks now that I live alone after work but only when the sun goes down. Its much more relaxing as it's quieter and you don't have to worry about other people around you or crossing the street with busy traffic etc. And I love winter so I'd love to bundle myself up in a big coat and go for a quiet walk to clear my head. So I get why she wants to go at night. However I would NEVER go to a park or a field. Absolutely not. My mum would have a heart attack as well if I did, even at the age of 30.

For the dogs sake I think she should go earlier. It isn't her walk, it's the dogs walk. If the dog needs to be let off and have a run around a field then she needs to just get over it and put the dogs needs in front of her own. However if the dog doesn't need to be off lead then I would say it's ok for her to go when it's dark but stick to roads and take precautions

Its absolutely this. The very basics of risk assessment. Likelihood AND severity of harm must both go into the calculation.
Too many people are focusing only on the first, which makes no sense. Far more people get papercuts than cut their hands off with a chain saw. That doesn't mean we need to be more cautious around paper than power tools.

YABU to ask her to do something that's not her responsibility but then expect her to do it your way. She doesnt want to walk the dog. She probably doesn't want to be seen out walking the dog either. She has enough of a heart tho to walk it but at a time/place that suits her. I'd say in the teens stakes your winning.
Incidently what happens when the goes out at night with/to visit friends? Does she always take her car? What of she's drinking or just popping out. Surely st 17 she goes out at night alone.

I agree with you. My daughter is 17 and I dint like her out in parks etc in the dark. If she’s with friends that’s fine but in her own nope definitely not. Luckily she wouldn’t want to either. There were 2 rapes in our local park last year .

Given the way you're responding to everyone's comments and suggestions, you've already made your mind up that you're right and everyone else is wrong so I don't see the point in your post if you're not willing to take on board or entertain the suggestions being offered.

I'm not sure the risks are lower for males. Sexual attack by a lone perp maybe, but a lad of 17 would be the perfect age for confrontational violence inc stabbing. Much, much higher risk.

They aren’t though. Men are far, far more likely to be attacked than women.

I’d go with your gut instinct… you’d never forgive yourself if something happened. She’s only 17 and when she’s at university or whatever, she’ll be with other people in a busy area. I don’t think it’s wise to walk in isolated places when it’s dark

Really depends where you are - Powys - probably ok, edge of London - I wouldn’t.

Physical assault risk higher for men; sexual assault risk higher for women.

This thread is bonkers. I am 40 and I would walk the dog through fields in the dark!! I live in a city and I just don’t through the park at night. I was there tonight at about 8pm with the dog and it was lovely. Wouldn’t be out there at 11pm though.

That should have said wouldn’t walk the dog through fields at night