Me or DD being unreasonable?

[Shoebills]

Sorry, didn't know how to word the title.

We have a dog and a puppy, but the puppy is kind of irrelevant here as this is about the older dog. We take it in turns to take older dog out for the second walk of the day, near the local park/fields. The main walk is always done by me on the weekdays (right now, the younger kids come with me and at the weekends we all go as a family).

She's 17 and her day is the Thursday, as I'm really busy that day with the younger ones. She refuses to do it in the daylight hours... will only go once the sun has gone in. I've told her that I don't feel comfortable with her going at night. She's 17 and I don't want her in fields or parks in darkness. Surely this isn't unreasonable? She is so "idc" about it, says she has more chance dying on the way to college (she drives) and that's when she will do it and if I'm not happy with that, someone else can do it earlier.

Would you just let her do it at that time? I spend the whole time worrying!

I agree with you, it's not the being out at night, it's the fields and parks she is walking through.

I would still let her go but is she taking measures to protect herself?

When I was in my 20s, a female friend of mine advised me to dress like a man when out walking (hair in a bun, covered in a cap, hoodie, joggers and trainers). She was from a country notorious for muggings and this was her protection.

Well on that basis she shouldn't get on a plane - you don't need to go abroad. She shouldn't drive - she can get things delivered. In fact she doesn't need to leave the house, as she could study online, be a remote worker, exercise in the living room using an online class, and get her groceries delivered.

I'm 29 and I still feel on edge if I'm out walking my dog when it's really dark but unfortunately I don't think you can actually stop her

I wouldn't like my daughter doing it OP, I wouldn't do it myself. I would take the dog out in the dark through well lit streets but not in a dark park.

My bigger concern would be she is putting her own preference over the dogs needs.
The time it gets dark changes through the year, surely the dog needs to go at roughly the same time each day.....appreciate that may not be strictly true but there is no good reason to push it back till it gets dark and its certainly not in the dogs interests or helping you out.

Is she just trying to put it off till kids in bed so you can do it?

I agree with you OP.

I agree. There’s a big field near my daughter and I’ve told her not to walk her dog alone, even during the day as it’s very isolated.

You've given her a chore. Either you accept she does it when she wants to, or you do it yourself......which may actually be her plan!

She'd have to be crazy to go to fields and parks on her own when it's dark.

Why?

I don't like my 17 yr old to walk our dog at night. Sometimes it has to be done but no way would it be in isolated areas.
Then again, my kids never really hung out once it was dark. Didn't see it as one of those necessary 'all kids need to' rites everyone else does like drinking etc 🤷‍♀️

So no, I don't think you are unreasonable and really, what does it take for her to just humour you and stick to well lit/built up areas even if she disagrees?

My daughter is like this as well. I tend to just walk the dog as the more she is asked to walk earlier the more she digs her heels in but also the dog looks for her walk earlier and tends not to be keen to go out later.

I'm with you op, I wouldn't walk in a park in the dark alone at night because we unfortunately don't live in a world where its safe for women to do that yet. So therefore I wouldn't let my dd do it. Especially if its the same night and location every week that makes it higher risk. I would encourage her to stick to somewhere with better lighting and more people around if she's walking later at night.

To be fair I’m with OP on this one. It just seems an unnecessary risk.

Yeah she’ll be off at uni next year, but she should know to stay with her friends when out at night and not walk home alone in the dark through isolated areas.

It’s great that she fearless, but she also needs to know how to keep herself safe.

Also at this stage she lives in OP’s house, so should live by OP’s rules. An alternative may be to ask her to do another chore and someone else can walk the dog.

I think yabvu, she is nearly an adult, does she wear high vis gear? and the dog wears lights or vest? this is in my opinion essential if you are out with a dog in the dark, and a torch

My bigger concern would be she is putting her own preference over the dogs needs.

I thought that too!

What time is the 2nd walk supposed to be-isn't that the issue?

I think it would be sensible to do it while taking precautions. Maybe she could do it 99% of the time and be ok but she needs to prepare for that 1% of the time. She needs to have a plan of what to do, where to run if someone approaches her. Having a dog with her won’t necessarily deter someone who has planned and is determined. The thing that would worry be is that it’s every Thursday so it just takes someone to notice her routine. Can she alternate the location she goes to and the route she takes?

I was walking country roads at night alone, sleeping in random fields in tents with my mates aged 15, grew up rurally. Nothing bad ever happened to me!

Actually she would probably be more likely to have trouble in a city after dark then an empty field.

So why is no one questioning why she will only go out after dark? Surely that's the issue here. Just tell her to take the dog earlier.

For what it’s worth I don’t think you’re being unreasonable because I wouldn’t walk a dog in the dark myself as an adult woman (unless it was around the block) but I’d feel uncomfortable walking alone in a field or park at night.

And someone having a walk is dangerous exactly how?

Should say WANK