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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SAHP struggling during 6 weeks, sign of a bad parent?

119 replies

Theymisheardme · 08/08/2023 23:54

The school holidays are meant to be the best part of the kids year - no school for weeks on end, parents able to be now flexible and relaxed if they can get time off or if they don't even work to start with. SAHP especially should live the 6 weeks with its break from routine.

So aibu to think that if you find the 6 weeks really hard and you're struggling, even when say one of your kids is in activity clubs, that you're actually a shit Mom? I mean how is it harder when you can just do what you want with them? And when they're at school for hours on end, what kind of Mom doesn't e joy the bonus time together. They grow up so quick, why would you want to wish that away?

OP posts:
wingingit1987 · 08/08/2023 23:56

I think some people just function better with routine. I like the school holidays but this year has been very expensive (COL and maternity leave are a bad mix). Plus I have one child who is much better when he had the comfort of his term time routine, and has found the school hols hard.

Lemonnhoney · 08/08/2023 23:59

Erm I can't figure out if you're serious and you mean this 😂

Do you have kids?

They are bloody hard work sometimes!! Parents are aloud to find parenting hard and not enjoy parts of it.

Yes YABU. And you're judgy. I don't think I'd like you as a person

ConnieTucker · 08/08/2023 23:59

Well, I dont see this thread lasting the night. Time to put on the old hard hat, op. But i dont entirely disagree.

WhateverMate · 09/08/2023 00:00

Are you talking about yourself OP?

Crunchiethatfridayfeeling · 09/08/2023 00:00

I think that judging someone else for this makes you a shit person and if you can't imagine why some parents may find difficult what you've described then you should take it as a sign you are very fortunate to not be in that situation and feel like that.

If you know people in that situation support them rather than judge. It would make you a nicer person

WineIsMyMainVice · 09/08/2023 00:00

I’m not a SAHM but there’s no way I’d cope with being at home with them for 6 weeks! That’s coming from someone who has huge working mum guilt half the time!
Don't beat yourself up, it’s blooming hard whatever you do!!
(Of course I love them dearly though! Lol!)

ConnieTucker · 09/08/2023 00:02

You can incorporate your own routine into your child’s daily lives without school. I do think some people lack the sKills to do so.

abavsjw · 09/08/2023 00:02

I am not a SAHM but I do have the full 6 weeks off with my kids, I was stressed out after just 2 days, and no I'm not a shit Mum. I'm just a human who would like 5 minutes peace where my kids aren't causing chaos or physically assaulting each other 😅

WineIsMyMainVice · 09/08/2023 00:04

WineIsMyMainVice · 09/08/2023 00:00

I’m not a SAHM but there’s no way I’d cope with being at home with them for 6 weeks! That’s coming from someone who has huge working mum guilt half the time!
Don't beat yourself up, it’s blooming hard whatever you do!!
(Of course I love them dearly though! Lol!)

I’ve just re read the op. You’re not talking about yourself are you?
In which case I think you’re being quite judgmental. Back off whoever you are writing about.

Nevermay · 09/08/2023 00:05

Of course most loving parents are going to enjoy the summer with their children, but of course all of us have times, ages, situations, moods, etc which we find harder than others

Spinet · 09/08/2023 00:06

To say anyone 'should love' anything is a totally pointless utterance. There is no should.

Also, yabu and ridiculous. If it's you, give yourself a break. If it's someone else, find some empathy from somewhere and if you can't just be content to mind your own bloody business.

Lovingitallnow · 09/08/2023 00:10

It's super hard. I had one week with them all in summer camp and it's still been hectic. I've been sick on and off. The guilt at it not being completely idyllic.

elliejjtiny · 09/08/2023 00:13

I'm a SAHM and I struggle during the holidays. Dh is under a lot of pressure at work so working all hours and money is tight. We are buying a week's worth of food on Saturday and run out of bread, vegetables, fruit and crisps by Wednesday. The teenagers want to stay in their rooms and the little ones want to go out. I'm upset because dc1 could be leaving home in a couple of years so we could only have this summer and next with all of us living together. So I think we should be "making memories" and "living our best lives" etc and we're not.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 09/08/2023 00:13

If a parent is finding the summer holidays hard it doesn’t automatically mean they are a shit parent. It might actually be they are in a shit situation where their children are struggling with the change of routine or they don’t have enough money for days out for example.

Some children and adults need routine and without routine some children will really struggle and their behaviour can become more challenging and instead of the time together being quality time it can end up feeling like constant battles. Some children and adults need downtime, others need constant stimulation. If you have a child who needs constant stimulation and a parent who struggles if they can’t get a minute to themselves then things are going to start to feel overwhelming or unenjoyable after a few days.

Plus in theory parents might have the time to do whatever they want with their children but the reality is days out cost money which many families can’t afford. Plus I’m the holidays everywhere is busier than usual and more overwhelming. The weather has been rubbish so far too which makes getting out harder and means indoor activities are even busier or too booked up to actually manage to visit.

GoldenSpangles · 09/08/2023 00:15

If you are talking about somebody else, you sound like a sanctimonious prig. Actually, the older my children get the more I like them - there were periods in their earlier life which were very difficult. I do hope you are not the significant other of the woman you seem to be referring to.

GrumpyOldCrone · 09/08/2023 00:16

Don’t be ridiculous.

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/08/2023 00:19

It's a sign that they are human. Of course it doesn't make them a bad parent but then I don't buy into the 'enjoy every second' crap that's pushed on mums (only mums of course).

Jellycatspyjamas · 09/08/2023 00:21

This reply has been deleted

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porridgeisbae · 09/08/2023 00:22

I don't have kids but I think almost all parents are desperate for school to start again by the end of the hols (or often much earlier.)

goodkidsmaadhouse · 09/08/2023 00:25

I must admit I’m generally surprised when I hear SAHPs moaning about the holidays and having the kids around all day. I work term
time so that I can spend the holidays with the kids because I love being with the kids.

But we live somewhere we can have free days out, we have lots of friends nearby we can see, we can afford the extra snacks, we have a house and garden with space to play, the kids are all at ages where they still want to spend time with me… I mean there are a lot of factors at play here which mean the holidays are really enjoyable for us all. No idea what position the person is your OP is in.

iminvestednow · 09/08/2023 00:30

Exactly, kids can be ungrateful little so and sos. You can do loads of stuff and they’ll still be ungrateful! We work in a one day off one day on policy.

iminvestednow · 09/08/2023 00:31

(National trust walks or whatever just so long as they get out!)

Confused2990 · 09/08/2023 00:33

Well I must be a horrendous parent 🤣🤣 we are lucky to have 2 holidays this summer one abroad in which we have been on already and one in the uk which is still pending and since we arrived back from first one I feel like it’s endless days of nothing
the weather has been crap, no respite what so ever ( complex needs )
I defo have slumped this week
hoping to have a better week next week !

Crispyturtle · 09/08/2023 00:35

Did a kid write this?! 😂

I do love the school holidays, but my kids are pretty easy & I’ve got enough money (very fortunately) that we can do nice stuff. I imagine if my kids argued / complained / sulked all the time or if we didn’t have money for days our etc that is feel very differently.

MyMachineAndMe · 09/08/2023 00:52

The most depressing, soul destroying and tedious thing about the summer holidays is the constant nagging for food and complaining of boredom. Especially when I'm bored too. Yes, I'm allowed to hate it at times.

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