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Original poster

SAHP struggling during 6 weeks, sign of a bad parent?

119 replies

Theymisheardme · 08/08/2023 23:54

The school holidays are meant to be the best part of the kids year - no school for weeks on end, parents able to be now flexible and relaxed if they can get time off or if they don't even work to start with. SAHP especially should live the 6 weeks with its break from routine.

So aibu to think that if you find the 6 weeks really hard and you're struggling, even when say one of your kids is in activity clubs, that you're actually a shit Mom? I mean how is it harder when you can just do what you want with them? And when they're at school for hours on end, what kind of Mom doesn't e joy the bonus time together. They grow up so quick, why would you want to wish that away?

OP posts:
Hart92 · 10/08/2023 07:41

Don't beat yourself up! Being a parent is tough, especially to multiple kiddos. It doesn't make you a shit parent.

I think lots of factors effects how enjoyable the time off can be:

  • Whether you have a village to help to give you a break
  • Money to do activities to keep them busy
  • Weather so you're not stuck in all the time
  • Friends who you can meet up with and enjoy your kids together
  • Flexible work or time off

I'm lucky as I'm a teacher and only have one toddler so it's much easier for me to manage than my best friend who has 3 kids, no childcare and still needs to work.

We have these ideas of the 6 weeks Holidays from when we were children, but ultimately society is different. Both parents usually work now, things are more expensive, things aren't as safe so kids can't be as independent and play outside on their own for hours on end!

I'm sure you're doing amazing. Try and see if someone can take the kids for a bit to do some self care and plan some fun things for the kids, hopefully you will get some renewed energy.

Poorlymumma · 10/08/2023 07:44

Goady

Original poster
Theymisheardme · 10/08/2023 08:38

MrPickles73 · 10/08/2023 07:27

I work full time and there are no kids camps where we live. So working and doing stuff with the kids and doing neither job well reminds me of lockdown. I am tired and frazzled.
We had one week away camping and that was more relaxing despite the rain. Atleast I wasn't trying to work at the same time..

Can't imagine trying to wrh too, that's why I feel like I should be better at this and enjoy it because they're my only focus. Woke up with a pounding headache today...

OP posts:
Original poster
Theymisheardme · 10/08/2023 08:46

@neverdropyourmooncup e problem is I can't get there at a time I don't have have at least two kids. Next week I'm hoping it will be easier to get childcare for a couple of hours

OP posts:
Original poster
Theymisheardme · 10/08/2023 08:47

1037370E · 09/08/2023 09:41

Is the dad shit too, or just the mum?

He's not here all day and hiis patience doesn't wear as much

OP posts:
cakecoffeecakecoffee · 10/08/2023 08:49

Yabu.

I love my kids and I enjoy spending time with them but they are hard work. Like everything, I need a break.

im not a SAHP but I still think 6 weeks is a long time. I think more frequent 1 week holidays would be better for kids (and parents) than a big 6 week one.

IWantOutDoI · 10/08/2023 08:54

Theymisheardme · 08/08/2023 23:54

The school holidays are meant to be the best part of the kids year - no school for weeks on end, parents able to be now flexible and relaxed if they can get time off or if they don't even work to start with. SAHP especially should live the 6 weeks with its break from routine.

So aibu to think that if you find the 6 weeks really hard and you're struggling, even when say one of your kids is in activity clubs, that you're actually a shit Mom? I mean how is it harder when you can just do what you want with them? And when they're at school for hours on end, what kind of Mom doesn't e joy the bonus time together. They grow up so quick, why would you want to wish that away?

Kids are hard work, I got to hate going on holidays because the constant attention demands, whinging and I want to do (fill the blank) were absolutely relentless.

I also learned that I was a better parent when working: The more reduced time we had was glorious, we did great things together because we had a limited times, the weekends were amazing.

While I was a SAHM, the days, weeks and months merged into one, we did a lot stuff but without much spare money, the stuff was more repetitive and the lack of stimulation for me at home while he was in school meant that I was sometimes too fed up to have more energy to organise proper good stuff.

I remember my other SAHM saying things like my child is so clever! She has learned makaton from CBBies, while I was thinking, your child is spending too much time in front of a screen.

PollyPut · 10/08/2023 08:57

@Theymisheardme go easy on yourself. Twin 3.5 year olds plus an older child is very very hard work. It will get easier as they get easier.

School hols mean lunches every day on top of all the other food - it is much more work.

I found it easier taking children and food (and therefore mess) out to the park a lot in school hols. Good to find some other families who also like to go to your local park and try to go at the same time as them.

At home - endless craft on the kitchen table can help. Make cards for everyone in your family. Trips to post them.

Get into reading to them.

Teach them to help you with the laundry (sorting socks). It's an important life skill.

Baking.

Can you do some gardening together and watch it grow over the holidays? Tomatoes are easy to grow and give quick results

Yes it's tiring but it will get easier as they get older.

Original poster
Theymisheardme · 10/08/2023 08:57

pandarific · 09/08/2023 09:57

@Theymisheardme you have preschool twins? Are they by any chance 3? Because DS at 3 nearly had me on the drink. It was AWFUL. It’s the age.

Also, this voice in your head telling you you are shit is massively massively unreasonable. It is Peak Hard right now for you, it will get better. You need to be kind to yourself and others and leave that horrible judgemental voice in the bin. Everyone fed, nobody dead? Success!

Yes

OP posts:
Wimbourne · 10/08/2023 09:05

I always found school holidays harder. The structure of the school day really helps, and you develop routines that work around it. Without that structure, life with small children can very quickly feel amorphous and uncontrollable. My solution was to plan out our days almost as if they were school days with planned activities, meal times etc.

Original poster
Theymisheardme · 10/08/2023 09:41

I am listening to all the general advice ones and trying to take it on board.

Part of the issue is were bound to DSs clubs for times etc so the twins and I just have to squeeze around it. I'm reading us to a taxi this morning.

DH gets home at six, kids up to bed at 7.30 at latest so he comes in and has them, I hide in kitchen and do dinner
I had a work pub meet Tuesday so was out as soon as he was in but it's still stuff I need to be functional for.

I just want to be alone.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 10/08/2023 11:31

Does DH understand how you feel? Could he take a couple of days annual leave to spend with the kids?

Spinet · 10/08/2023 12:07

How come you had a work pub thing if you're a SAHP? Are you actually not? Because that's even harder for all sorts of reasons.

Peachespeachesohpeaches · 10/08/2023 12:24

If you're a SAHP and all your kids are usually in school or nursery for most of the week it's going to be a bit of a shock to the system! Can you do a bit of planning over the weekend and put a hit of activities/easy things to do at home. Loads of ideas on Instagram or Pinterest

Can you book an activity club closer to home? I love my DC but the idea of having to trek 90 minutes by public transport and then wait around all day entertaining two preschoolers would be a bridge too far.

booksandbrooks · 10/08/2023 14:58

Tbh I think loads of parents are bit shit, myself included. We're all trying our best and whilst that sounds judgey, I honestly can't believe the amount of parents who say no, then after 5-10 minutes of strops and whinging give in or compromise.

That said, parenting has many stages to it. Some people love the baby stage, some really don't. Some are great with younger kids, getting down and playing and crafting whatever. Some really get the adolescent stage and are good at letting them out into the world. Just because one stage isn't your strongest suit doesn't mean your just a bad parent, there are plenty of opportunities to succeed and mess up.

Some people are really good at getting up and out and clean and organised and some are really good at messy fun (and some both of neither.) You don't have to be it all.

My only thing is people seem to think they have to be the entertainment for their kids at all times and I think it's good for kids to be bored and at a loose end. Every moment doesn't need to be filled with an activity or a screen. They may not like it but their little creative brains can usually find some mischief if you leave them be. (And weather the whinging.)

Extrahelp · 14/08/2023 11:23

Can you not get the DC’s Father to take them out for the day?, hope you are feeling better this week.

Extrahelp · 14/08/2023 12:43

@Theymisheardme just seen dad is there lucky Guy.
I couldn’t begin to imagine how exhausting the summer holidays are best of luck with the last of them.
At least you’re not one of these mental cases like my wife, that blocks and stuck a no Contact request. I’m 1’0 minutes from the kids and Haven’t seen them since the 10 minutes on Father’s Day. crazy, can only imagine how exhausting the holidays are I seen a picture of her out on Saturday with her painted on smile, I felt sorry for her she looked shattered always looked better even on the morning school run.

Teddybear12345678 · 31/08/2023 14:30

I have 3 autistic children my sons non verbal and doesn't respond to his name it's not easy taking them out alone. There are zero clubs for him there dad isn't involved. So it's been a long 6 weeks for me ive had some help from my support worker this year

thegreenlight · 31/08/2023 14:34

I’m off for the 6 weeks and am on my knees! Delays in renovation works have seen me share a one bedroom flat with my mum for 6 weeks while looking after 2 ND children (funnily DH hasn’t been able to get a single day off despite being the boss) we have no money either because builds are bloody expensive so not had the money for days out. I have never wanted to go back to work so much!

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