Women end up being losers no matter what

176 replies

doireallywanttostartthisnow · 08/08/2023 23:34

Situation A: well educated woman meets man, marries, has child, feels overwhelmed by childcare cost/ options, gives up work, has another child, finds it hard to get back into wink place now eldest is at school, needs to be around for the month of half days, sick days, strike days, nursery closures and so as not to interrupt husbands career so he can earn more 'family money'. Husband ends up resentful, doesn't pay into pension for dear wife, moans about work stress that she doesn't understand. Wife feels too belittled to return to work or goes into something way below her level of experience. She used to be a marketing manager but now she works at a local toy shop as it's shorter hours and flexible (but MW and business may go bust/ no room for progression).

Situation B: same woman does not give up career, goes back after mat leave, faces judgement, works for free due to childcare costs until eldest is 3. Uses holiday club and wraparound childcare. Feels like a hamster on a wheel and knows none of the parents names as she's never in the after school park club. Still has to deal with all the house/ life admin. Resents husband. Leaves the bastard. Now officially does everything alone (woohoo?). Ex DH pays a minimal amount which only covers some childcare. Woman may be financially better off but is exhausted and also faces judgement due to leaving the marriage.

The problem is that hardly anyone is in situation C meaning happy, less stressed, supported, financially independent and in a truly equal marriage. I know about three women who are.
So what do we teach our daughters? Don't have kids? Choose better men? So few men appear to be bellends when we first meet them at art school? None of them appear to be moany, vindictive, controlling, feeble, martyr like or miserly?
How do we ever move on from the fate of being either supported ('kept') or independent ('exhausted')?

OP posts:

ReginaRegina · 09/08/2023 21:10

FadeAwayAndRadiate · 09/08/2023 00:33

Completely agree.. I've currently actually got my head in my hands in despair with a thread I'm reading over on CHAT at the moment ... I have had to HIDE IT. There's a woman who's got three kids under 8 and she's a full time mum (her husband was fine with this - and also wanted all 3 kids.) She does absolutely everything - looks after the kids, does all their housework, domestic duties, general grunt work, cooking, washing etc etc........

Her husband works and does absolutely naff-all in the house or to help with the kids (like most of them don't.) And despite the encouragement to have kids and be a SAHM, he's actually now demanding she goes out to work to get more money in because he 'can't afford the house' instead of him actually pulling his finger out, and trying to earn more, or getting a better job.

He's trying to force her out to work and if she refuses he will sell up. Stupid idea as private rent will cost more! And if she does go out to work, we all know 100% that she will still be doing absolutely every fucking thing in the house ... All domestic duties, life admin, childcare, school run, all the grunt work etc.. And most of the money she gets will just go to the childcare and nursery fees and the costs associated with going to work.

He will probably spend the extra money HE is saving, on his selfish self-centred ass. Jeeeez! Women get fucked over left, right and centre. But what's really depressing me is that it's usually men doing it, but on that thread - it's women are doing it as well. Clearly bitter and projecting, because THEY have to go out to work!!!!

Is that the thread with the OP who has literally never worked a day in her life as her ambition was always 'to be a SAHM' and never to work even when the kids were grown?

They never have any money left at the end of the month and husband has said they can't make ends meet and either need to rent/downsize or she needs to work. She wants to keep her (not their!) lovely house but doesn't want to ever do a day's work and was hoping to get a council house given to her instead of having to work if it came to it.

Most of the posters in that thread seem to agree that being a SAHM is a privilege and that if you want nice stuff that you can't afford you need to work.

I actually agree with the general consensus as the man would 100% be labelled a massive cocklodger in the reverse situation - refusing to work and expecting to live a life of luxury based on the other partner continuing to work once the kids are at school whilst he sits on his arse.

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