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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave two 15year olds home alone overnight

114 replies

homealone5 · 08/08/2023 10:18

Name changed for this due to family being here, some tiny details changed too so it's not too outing.

I have 15-year-old twins who are very sensible and quite independent. They travel to school on their own (separately) in different boroughs, one comes home herself about 7pm after her after school activities, the other stays home alone until I get home from work, sometimes late. They have been very comfortable being home by themselves for years during the day and at nights when I get home about 11pm. I was a keyworker during lock down and they were home alone all day in 2020 (age 13).

I want to take on a couple of night shifts and they have been assuring me that it's okay to go away overnight. I work weekend mornings sometimes and often leave home at 6am before they wake, and I see them around 1130am when I return.

At what age would you think it will be okay to leave children alone overnight assuming there are no special needs and no risk taking behaviour? If you had 15 year old twins would you leave them home overnight if you are going to be an hour away? I remember babysitting other people's kids overnight when I was 15 😅

I know there have been posts about what age to leave children home alone. I am asking now about how you feel now in 2023 and what you think is okay.

AIBU to leave 15year olds at home from 5pm Saturday night to 11am Sunday morning?

OP posts:
cansu · 08/08/2023 10:21

Personally I wouldn't. It would be seen as a safeguarding concern if school found out.

cansu · 08/08/2023 10:23

I was a very well behaved teen who did not take risks. If I then acquired a boyfriend I would absolutely have invited that boy over. Your lovely twins are safe partly because you are there.

Tempone · 08/08/2023 10:25

Personally I wouldn't. It would be seen as a safeguarding concern if school found out.

I really doubt that.

Op I wouldn't judge at all, they sound sensible you know them best we have video chats etc these days which offer good peace of mind too.

randomuser2021 · 08/08/2023 10:26

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

fullbloom87 · 08/08/2023 10:28

I would leave them overnight at 15 but the law says they have to be 16.

SiousieSoo · 08/08/2023 10:29

cansu · 08/08/2023 10:21

Personally I wouldn't. It would be seen as a safeguarding concern if school found out.

How ridiculous! This would absolutely not be seen as a safeguarding concern if the teens were judged (based on previous behaviour and knowledge of their character) to be sensible, mature and reliable. Such a silly comment, why bother replying if you are going to make such an ill informed comment.

readingmynightaway · 08/08/2023 10:30

Depends on the maturity of the child.
Your neighbourhood.
I would imagine a 15 yr olds are well equipped by then to fend for themselves.

Comedycook · 08/08/2023 10:30

I wouldn't do this. But that's just me. If I heard of someone else doing it, I wouldn't be outraged though assuming they were very sensible and either you or someone else was contactable.

as for it being a safeguarding issue...well maybe but what are ss realistically going to do? Put your kids in care?! Come on!

cansu · 08/08/2023 10:31

I work in a school. I would report it to the safeguarding lead. They would undoubtedly call the parents to discuss this. If the OP thinks she can justify this then fine. Let's imagine her girls invite someone round. They get some alcohol. They get sick and need help. Most kids eventually do things their parents do not expect or approve of. I certainly did and I am sure my parents would have said the same about me as the OP. I worked hard and was seemingly a very good daughter. It is naive to think that your kids might not experiment. Being around to ensure they are home safe and in bed is the basic minimum.

Tiredanddistracted · 08/08/2023 10:31

cansu · 08/08/2023 10:21

Personally I wouldn't. It would be seen as a safeguarding concern if school found out.

It absolutely would not. Yes, if they're 10. Maybe if they're 13. 15? No safeguarding concern.

Hoppinggreen · 08/08/2023 10:31

No I wouldn’t
And it actually could be a safeguarding concern- not leaving them per se but if anything happened that needed any kind of official involvement there could be an issue. I know this from a previous conversation with a friend who is Head of Child Protection (or similar title) for our Local Council.

cansu · 08/08/2023 10:33

Let's look at it this way. The school leaves your 15 year old unsupervised on a trip overnight. Would that be a safeguarding risk? Yes of course it would. Why is it different? No your kids are not going to be taken into care but questions will be asked. If you are OK with that then go for it.

Thelondonone · 08/08/2023 10:34

I have said yabu but I think it’s more just ´what if’. NSPCC do suggest 16 but there’s no legal minimum age to be left alone. How far off being 16 are they? Have you neighbours they could go to if there was a problem?

SiousieSoo · 08/08/2023 10:34

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SiousieSoo · 08/08/2023 10:35

cansu · 08/08/2023 10:33

Let's look at it this way. The school leaves your 15 year old unsupervised on a trip overnight. Would that be a safeguarding risk? Yes of course it would. Why is it different? No your kids are not going to be taken into care but questions will be asked. If you are OK with that then go for it.

This is a completely different scenario and you cannot equate them.

Clefable · 08/08/2023 10:35

Pretty sure this happened fairly often when I was a kid. My mum was a single parent, although my gran lived right across the road. I wasn't a party kind of teen so no danger of that! And no boyfriends! I just watched TV and went to bed. All very boring.

AlltheFs · 08/08/2023 10:35

Yes I would, if they aren’t the sort to have parties or go out.

Do you have friendly neighbours that can keep an eye out and that they know they can approach with any issues? Friend of mine leaves her 15 year old overnight occasionally but next door are aware and keep a look out for any issues and the son knows he can knock at any time of day/night for help.

Tempone · 08/08/2023 10:36

Let's look at it this way. The school leaves your 15 year old unsupervised on a trip overnight. Would that be a safeguarding risk? Yes of course it would. Why is it different? No your kids are not going to be taken into care but questions will be asked. If you are OK with that then go for it.

That's no where near the same thing at all, teachers and parents can and do make different decisions regarding the care of children, e.g. my ten year old at home walks to the shop alone. He would not be allowed to do that in school. I can make that judgement call as his parent the school can not.

Clefable · 08/08/2023 10:36

And I actually think two of them being there makes it even less of an issue.

JustFrustrated · 08/08/2023 10:37

I would.

And fuck all this "safeguarding" shite. Most normal kids from normal families don't need all the scare mongering

MereDintofPandiculation · 08/08/2023 10:38

fullbloom87 · 08/08/2023 10:28

I would leave them overnight at 15 but the law says they have to be 16.

Which law says that?

I thought part of the difficulty over this sort of question is that there is no age set down in law.

Sandsational · 08/08/2023 10:39

It's absolutely fine OP.

ManateeFair · 08/08/2023 10:39

fullbloom87 · 08/08/2023 10:28

I would leave them overnight at 15 but the law says they have to be 16.

The law doesn't say any such thing! The law doesn't cite an age at which you can/can't leave a child overnight, only that they mustn't be 'at risk'.

You may be confusing the law with the NSPCC guideline, which is a) not the law and b) a rough guideline for parents, not a set rule.

On their website they also state that it will vary from child to child, and how comfortable they are individually with being left alone, whether they're confident about what to do in emergency etc.

neverbeenskiing · 08/08/2023 10:40

cansu · 08/08/2023 10:21

Personally I wouldn't. It would be seen as a safeguarding concern if school found out.

School Safeguarding Lead here. If this came to my attention during term time I would have an informal chat with the child, just to make sure they felt comfortable with the arrangement. There is a big difference between "my mum didn't come home last night, I don't know where she was, I couldn't get hold of her" and "my mum was working away for a night so she left us plenty of food, and the phone number of a relative who likes nearby/she asked a neighbour if we could knock for them if we were worried about anything". The latter wouldn't worry me, unless we had other concerns about the child or family.

Comedycook · 08/08/2023 10:40

I mean even if this was reported to ss, what would they do?