To leave two 15year olds home alone overnight

[homealone5]

Name changed for this due to family being here, some tiny details changed too so it's not too outing.

I have 15-year-old twins who are very sensible and quite independent. They travel to school on their own (separately) in different boroughs, one comes home herself about 7pm after her after school activities, the other stays home alone until I get home from work, sometimes late. They have been very comfortable being home by themselves for years during the day and at nights when I get home about 11pm. I was a keyworker during lock down and they were home alone all day in 2020 (age 13).

I want to take on a couple of night shifts and they have been assuring me that it's okay to go away overnight. I work weekend mornings sometimes and often leave home at 6am before they wake, and I see them around 1130am when I return.

At what age would you think it will be okay to leave children alone overnight assuming there are no special needs and no risk taking behaviour? If you had 15 year old twins would you leave them home overnight if you are going to be an hour away? I remember babysitting other people's kids overnight when I was 15 😅

I know there have been posts about what age to leave children home alone. I am asking now about how you feel now in 2023 and what you think is okay.

AIBU to leave 15year olds at home from 5pm Saturday night to 11am Sunday morning?

Yes, yes, yes!! Sick of reading posts on MN about how young people cannot be trusted to look after themselves at this age. It's beyond ridiculous. They're your kids. You do what you see fit.

Thank you for all your replies.
Mine have just turned 15 but they are very sensible. I know their friends and their friends parents and they are very very unlikely to have any one round never mind any kind of parties. It's a whole ceremony to invite friends round where I encourage them to but they aren't bothered enough to entertain! They are very sociable but their friends moms would be on the group chat if there was anything fishy going on. They still always check with me before ordering anything home in the day like a takeaway.

With regards to alcohol, these ones don't drink and are unlikely to want to anytime soon. On holiday some weeks ago, I tried to get them to have a tiny sip of wine and they still thought it was disgusting. We aren't really alcohol drinkers in our home, they are more likely to drink up all the cola and have jelly sweets and chocolate for dinner - that's the case with us all to be honest. Their friends are similar.

One of them did say that at 16, they'd be allowed to live in a flat themselves and they can't believe that I won't trust them with an overnight stay.

To clarify, one hour away meant the to and fro drive. 25mins to go, 25 mins to return, if there was an emergency.

Unfortunately, we don't have family around. I'll be more worried with neighbors knowing they are home alone to be honest. They don't get up to much when they are home. They will be on their phones with their friends, social media and Netflix for most of it. (And playing the guitar and doing arts and crafts I'm almost ashamed to say here 🙈😂)

sounds ok to me.
do a few and debrief.
see if any issues arise, have a plan for eventualities.
do drills for safety issues. check equipment, smoke and carbon monoxide alarms.
procedure with keys.
do you have a front door that has to be opened with a key from the inside to get out ?
if so, always to keep key in the lock.
give them the project of writing a safety report, to identify any risks, and steps to be taken.

With regards to their school, they are well known as very responsible girls. One is always called upon to mentor and when something goes wrong in school (party gone wrong at the weekend or alcohol drinking at the park issue), the teachers and safeguarding leads somehow know they aren't involved. They've asked my permission twice for my girls to support other children when things have gone wrong. I'm also known as a sensible mom. I hope all this doesn't seem too stealth boasty, I must confess I'm very proud of them 😁 very different from me at that age! So I'm hoping they wouldn't think there was anything untoward if my girls were home alone every now and then.

I understand that it would be okay at 16. I'm just thinking I may be able to do some more work and earn a little more, being a lone parent and all. I could start the shift later, maybe about 7pm... Just thinking of the options. They probably won't notice my absence though. Their lives are very full of their friends!

Having worked with teenagers my biggest worry would be them having a couple of friends around to the 'empty'. Which turns into a couple of more then gets out of control. If friends know parents are away, the peer pressure to have a small party can be overwhelming.

not everybody lives like that, or would want to, having wild parties, or going against parent's wishes when their back's turned.
these sound like responsible reasonable youngsters who are an asset to the household and pull together to keep the show on the road.

I have 15 year old twins. Yes. Absolutely.

What would entering into.a relationship with an older partner have anything to.do.with be left alone for one night?

I think you know by your gut op, sounds like they’ll be fine!

I'd say if you lay down clear ground rules and you believe they can be trusted, then you should be fine.

Get a Ring doorbell to monitor access and make it clear they are not allowed visitors

Depends on the kids.
My eldest at 15? Absolutely.
My youngest? Not on your nelly!

If you think they are responsible enough - and let's face it, you know best - then do it.

The only thing I'd suggest is can you take a trial night shift and see how it goes before committing to any more? As the idea of being alone at night and the reality can be quite different and the kids may realise they are not as comfortable as they thought they would be.

Having read your update and knowing that there is not any back up during the night when you are away and knowing they are only just 15, I’d probably wait till after GCSEs. Not saying you would be wrong to do it now. But since you are asking, no, I would not do it just yet.

The likelihood of something happening is small and if they are sensible DCs there is nothing magical that happens age 16. However I still wouldn't feel comfortable leaving a pair of just turned 15 year olds alone overnight on a regular basis, mainly because if something did happen when all is said and done, they are minors.

Sorry because I know you want to do it for a very valid reason.

Nolamesallowed how is it pathetic to report a concern? As many have said it would probably go no further than a conversation with the parent.

I don't think we give young people enough credit or enough responsibility. In your situation, yes, I would do this.

No I wouldn't do this. DS is just 17 and I don't think I'd be ok with him overnight - even though I've come home quite late before when he's been home alone.

I think the difficulty at that age is that things can change in respect of friendships, parties, drinking alcohol. If friends start doing things they didn't previously, this can encourage a young person to maybe try them too.

I am thinking that my son, at 15, was super sporty and health conscious, was never going to drink alcohol (even though most of his friends did occasionally within their families ). By 16, he was first in the queue for all the house parties. No major trouble or incidents, but I think leaving him every Saturday wouldn't have been the best idea.

Just to bear in mind . It's a shame it's a Saturday night - I think a night in the week would take away a lot of the temptations .

I'm hoping they wouldn't think there was anything untoward if my girls were home alone every now and then.
@homealone5

So are you talking about every Saturday night, or just occasionally? I think it makes a difference .

Which law ? OP I would definitely feel comfortable leaving them for one night. Sensible 15 year olds are very capable people.

If the girls are sensible and mature, I think you could leave them overnight, especially as they have each other.

As others have said, there is Ring now so you can monitor.

Can't believe the drivel that school worker cansu is coming out with.

Sorry I haven't figured out how to reply to individual messages! It won't be every week, it will be one Saturday in 4 so once a month really.
I really appreciate everyone's input, even those that say wait. I couldn't argue with the idea that they could go off and live on their own this time next year but can't now!

Can't believe the unpleasant comments oblomov23 is coming out with just because she disagrees with me.

Safeguarding concern my arse, social services wouldn't care about this, they're too overstretched for actual neglected kids.