Children's party, lunch etiquette

[FisherThem]

Mum to DD4, just starting the round of while class parties. Went to a soft play party, 1230-1430, lunch included.

Was I being unreasonable to assume that there would be some refreshments for parents as well as kids?

I live the idea of all these adults drinking beer and champagne in soft play centres!!

I don’t think it’s legal where I live. Are the staff okay with it? I remember the last party my sister hosted at a soft play they wouldn’t even let her bring her own cake! Can’t imagine how they would have coped if we rocked up with cases of alcohol😂

You must understand the cost of a cup of tea at home and the cost of a cup of tea in a soft play cafe times however parents are very different?
Plus they are already spending a lot more per head than what you would be at home. Round here it's £30 for the most basic package per head + any adult stuff is chargeable on top.
Now.you know anyway.
Those kinds of judgy posts tend to come from people that never go to the expenditure and generosity of a party they are choosing to judge.

Fair enough! I've only hosted at home and feed anyone I'm hosting regardless of age! Can't afford their prices for a meal at the moment. Next time illl plan better.

So you can't afford to buy your own lunch or snack at the soft play but expect the party hosts to do so..... for approx 20'ish adults!!!!!????? (Or more if both parents come). YABVU.

As for jam - as a one off, on the odd occasion, it's fine.

You sound like a self entitled snob. As a few others have said you're the type of parent we roll our eyes at. Just read my teenage kids some of your posts and their response... "oh dear, Sandra is most upset, no vol au vents for the grown ups and Jam..YES JAM, for the kiddies - how utterly uncouth!"

Ffs do you not understand the difference between hosting at home and betweeen taking 10-30 kids out (plus parents on top). Or adults for that matter.
Have you ever been out at all.

@Clafoutie I'm sure there are loads of things that many people aren't aware of. Pasta with ketchup, cheese and beetroot or cheese and marmite. Plus non food things - how you make your bed, or wipe your bum!
Just because some people have heard of something or do it a certain way, doesn't mean everyone does. I'm amazed at how unaware so many are of lots of things - food, culture, other countries... Not everyone takes in these things or pays attention.

Staff seem fine with it - the main one im thinking of (Peckham s London) has a room off the soft play for own cake, drinks etc

To be fair, most parties i have been to no-one would bat an eye if you started picking at the party food as the feeding comes to an end.

It's a kids party, they are the guests, it's a party for the kids, you aren't a friend of the child, so not a guest, no separate clause for adults because kids party, for children.
Get it?

I would offer ham and cheese. I would not go with jam because I know several children who are not allowed them.

For what It's worth, I used to get very confused about jam sandwiches. When I was growing up, a 'Jam Sandwich' was a type of cake, and I'm not THAT old. So when I saw people eating LITERAL jam sandwiches I thought they'd misunderstood.

You haven't because if you had you would have known you cannot bring your own food to a soft play cafe.

No good here - the Muslim kids can’t have pork, most of the Hindu kids are vegetarian and there are several dairy allergies and vegans. Jam sandwiches with no butter are a genuinely inclusive option and everyone just has to get over themselves for an afternoon WRT the sugar.

I think it's fair enough to ask if it's the norm to feed adults or not at children's birthday parties, considering op is at the start of it all.

In my experience just offering tea and coffee is the norm for adults, and when the children have finished eating the party hosts might then invite adults to eat any leftovers.

A selection of sandwiches, including jam ones is also normal.

I do think it's a bit strange never to have heard of a jam sandwich as a British person.

Exactly - OP is right at the start of it all with her 4 yo - totally fine to ask!

I also wondered if OP is not from the UK - jam sandwiches are not that common in other countries (save North America) I’m sure, and catering for everyone at any sort of party is much more common in the majority of other cultures. You can hardly drop and go at age 4, so it might seem odd to someone from abroad that we have a culture of inviting a child to a party where an adult needs to be present, but not feeding said adult - not disputing that is the norm but it wouldn’t be in every culture.

Of course you’re being unreasonable! And entitled! So because you ‘can’t afford to eat a meal’ there someone else needs to pay for you?! Ridiculous

Not the norm to feed the adults, no. I included a platter for the adults with my daughter’s soft play party (not a whole class party though!) and it barely got touched as everyone had eaten before arrival or during the first half of the party while the kids were playing. It was the first time we threw that kind of party and obviously I was too worried about the poor parents starving 😂 But wouldn’t do it again, clearly no one expected it (apart from my husband who had most of it 🙈)

Yes.

Have you never heard of a peanut butter sandwich or a Nutella sandwich? They're not savoury either

Or even a banana sandwich? 🥰

It is sad how you grew up (mostly) in the UK and yet managed to not mix and to remain ignorant of the culture and society you grew up in and benefited from.
I have met children born and raised here and isolated by their communuties from the rest of us that don't have the basic understanding of customs and routines of their native country, so think your ignorance is sadly genuine.

These types of threads always go the same way.

OP asks a question as a "new to these things" mum. The first few answers are polite, she thanks them, dares to state what she thought and then ....

KERBOOOMMMM! And we're off with the insults to her! "Rude" "entitled" "unreasonable" "my teen kids are mimicking you now OP" etc etc

MN, you can't beat it!!

Translate invitation in 30 languages perhaps too? Rather than expect people to educate themselves about the normal every day etiquette?

I cannot believe how many people claim to have never heard of a jam sandwich?!?!

And someone saying schools in the 90s wouldn't let you have jam sandwich for packed lunch. Are you off your rocker? Half my class in the 90s had jam sandwiches every day

My 7 year old got taught how to make James sandwiches at school literally a couple of months ago

We have no allergies, no vegans, no Muslims, no Hindus. So ham and cheese it is. Everyone needs to cater for the people who will be attending and here, jam would be a poor choice.

I think if you can’t afford a fiver for a toastie at a soft play then you’ve got bigger things to worry about than jam sandwiches

Soft play lunches around here are usually chicken nuggets/sausage/pizza and chips. The children are brought into a little party room with benches and the food is served to them with squash to drink. The birthday cake is served after lunch.

My children have outgrown soft play now (thankfully!).

I've never heard of the parents being given lunch. Why would they even want it? There is usually a counter that serves tea/coffee and snacks that in the past - I have offered and been offered. I have always refused as the parties cost approx 16 pounds per child and they are expensive enough to host without parents being fed/watered. A whole class party costs in the region of 400 pounds.
I don't think they can be compared to hosting at home which costs very little and if parents are expected to hang around someone's during the party, a cup of coffee and a biscuit is the least that could be offered.