To wonder about other countries approaches to raising children

[Mamabear04]

I was approached in a supermarket by an elderly woman who I think just wanted a chat because she was lonely. I was with my baby and she proceeded to tell me about her son who lives in the Netherlands and how they let their kids stay up late, unlike British parents who can't wait to get their kids to bed. It got me to wondering about how other cultures raise their kids. I do put my children to bed early at 7pm, yes because I like to have the evenings to rest but also it means they gets a solid 11-12 hours sleep and wake for the working day at 7am. A friend who lives in France said that kids are seen and not heard there and have hardly any play parks (I was a bit shocked about the play parks tbh), she also said Israeli families consider their kids the biggest blessing from God and so let their kids do anything (in a nice way not an antisemitic way. They are a multicultural family). I also have a friend who said her cousin still sleeps in the same room as her parents at 9 years old and they live in UAE. I'm just so curious about how other cultures raise their kids and also how people see British families as well. I only ever hear that British families don't eat together and don't engage with their kids. Anyone from outwith the UK want to tell about how they raise their children? Do you really think of British families like this?

Yeah, looks like it. Now remember to repeat your, 'Everything is shit, and any evidence to the contrary is a rare fluke' daily mantras or you might fall off the acceptable script x2boys

Austria is in the Alps ,if Britain was in the Alps maybe our 6/7 year olds would be able to ski confidently ,there are not many places to ski in Bolton where I live 🙄

@x2boys - I’m talking about the mindset. I wouldn’t let my own son go skiing alone at 6 -7 years! We go, but together. Personally I think it’s dangerous to not have adult incase of injury etc. But that’s a British mindset.
Locals happily drop kids off for a few hours

Its the same as anything independent. It’s not normal to let a 6 year old travel alone on train or bus in Uk.

One thing I've noticed is eating habits. We have British family and they are extremely strict on making their kids eat a certain amount of food each meal time whereas I just give them a plate of food and they either eat it or don't. I don't think kids should be told what to eat off their plate or eat it all up etc. I think it can cause issues with food

Bedtime strictness, naps and meals also drives me a bit crackers. It was suggested meeting for dinner at 4.30pm once with family wtf I'd need to feed my kids again at dinnertime if they ate at 5pm

Well.that's a massive generalisation,im British and i.don't expect my kids to.eat everything off their plates either .also I have never been strict about food .

Here's a novel thought maybe families in Britain all.have different variations in food,bedtime, education etc like the rest of the world 🤔

Sorry should have said noticed it within our british family/friends obviously I only know from people I spend time with. No clue of everyone is like this

Personally think this thread is a bit bonkers. So you know one U.K. family who makes their children eat everything off their plate and therefore that’s a British thing??? Or you know some people who put their kids to bed at 7, or that they feed their children separately? So therefore we all do it? 😂

Imagine if that could be true? 🤣

I'm in NL, Dutch children definitely go to bed earlier. Between 7 and 8 is the norm. Parents aren't particularly strict, the manners are woeful but children are raised to be independent. Cycling to and from activities and water safety are not only expected but properly taught so they do get a lot of freedom when they have their diplomas. They are quite confident as a result.

I’m British but raising my DC in Spain, my SIL is Spanish but raising her DC in the UK.

What I find interesting is that both of us adapted our parenting styles to the place we live, not the way we were raised.

in Spain, after school every day (4.30 finish or later if extracurriculars) the kids play in the playground and eat a snack and the parents drink coffee or beer in the bar. There are bars and playgrounds outside every school. Usually both parents are there (maybe whoever works later arrives later) and so you don’t get home until 7/8. Dinner, bath, story, bed means bedtime isn’t until 9ish. Not much adult time before my own bedtime! we all wake up at 7.30 to start school at 9.

Socialising tends to involve all ages, life doesn’t revolve around the kids as much (no planning around nap times for example) but conversely children are welcome everywhere, posh restaurants etc.

the Spanish also are more relaxed about safety it seems and are happy not to have a constant eye on their five year old in the playground, which I struggle to adapt to with my British upbringing!

Kids eat at 530 - bed by 730pm - they listen to audiobooks or read till 8pm. Up at 7am. Have dinner together unless one of us travelling/in a meeting/busy. Take them to school as it’s a drive to school. Of course we don’t force kids to eat everything off the plate 😂 they eat what they can - weird generalisation of all British because you know of one family that do this 😂🫢.

Quite my cousin lives in France with his French wife and French kids ,all the kids have Been brought up.as Catholic are quite dramatic in their faith that must mean all.French families are like that ?

As a UK based parent, I would really like to let my children have the level of independence that is common in, say, Germany, from a young age, but I don't know how you achieve that when it's not normal culturally. Bottom line is that I'd be worried about being reported to social services if I'm honest! Also I'm aware that there might be heightened risks simply because it's not socially normal.

Of course there are national differences in parenting styles! Those saying different can't have had any experience of parenting in a different country. Clearly there'll be individual variations, but for instance it's a rare British family that has their main meal at 9pm, whereas this is much more standard in France or Spain. Dinner at 5 or 6 isn't dinner to me, that's an afternoon snack 😂 The idea of 'kids food' does exist in France (pasta, butter and cheese is a standard), but it's not an everyday thing. And I do find the British are more prone to the 'just one more bite of peas darling' school of food encouragement. The French tend not to get involved in that level of granular detail!

We used to be able to find some mini-slopes above Belmont and on the road over to Haslingden, in fact one snowy Sunday there were loads of people just through Holcombe! Not exactly the Alps though!

I never said that but then it was never asked.

Actually I'm British myself but lived abroad 25years and read mumsnet for a fair amount of those years alongside socual media if friends fron uk and yes I have observed that kids seem to be fed and put to bed earlier. I don't think that is a massive generalisation.

Perhaps my post was out of context of the original thread title but people getting knickers in a knot because I've commented based on what I observe is even more so.

I’m from a multicultural family and have spent quite a bit of time in France staying with families with small children.

The take on British parenting is that we give our kids virtually anything they want to shut them up/distract them and avoid disciplining them properly, usually food or screens.

Because of course the French are so much better at raising their kids 🙄

There is a blog called a cup of jo that did a full series on parenting in different countries.

My best friend lives in the Faroe Islands. Kids have much more freedom, from 3 they would be out around the village exploring. They are outside most of the day all the kids wear hand-knitted woollen jumpers with trackie bottoms. They go to school at 7 and its only until about 12.30. My friend started knitting at 3 and that wouldn't be uncommon. All children sleep outside during the day so if you went into the capital every cafe has prams with sleeping babies sitting outside unaccompanied. Everyone has large families so there are kids everywhere and the breastfeeding rate is around 98% and you would always see someone feeding their baby if out and about. Fruit and veg isn't great there (not much grows and imports are too slow and expensive) but children would never really eat bread and toast isn't really a thing. Kids would be up late. Life is incredibly laid back and it would never matter if someone was late to anything.

I lived in UAE for a bit and massive mix of cultures there but most would have been much less strict about bedtimes than I would. My Indian mum friends would have kept their children young later, wouldn't be uncommon to see a 5 year old in a pram and a few friends fed their children pouches with a baby spoon well after 2. Guidance when you have a baby in UAE is that the baby must be kept warm, i got into trouble for having mine down to his vest to feed in hospital. I remember seeing a mum with her tiny baby wrapped in thick fleece blankets at the zoo in 30 degree heat. Uk mums were definitely much later to toilet train.

I have cousins in Italy. Kids walk to school from age 6 (including crossing busy roads) and no anxiety over schools. Everyone just goes to nearest primary school. Nobody seems to be concerned about school performance, never heard of equivalent of Ofsted reports. Not saying that’s good or bad.

kids finish school early though (12.30pm) which js a headache for working mums and afternoon childcare only common in cities. Generally Grandparents seem much more involved in raising kids and take on a lot more childcare than I have seen in England. Summer holidays are 11 weeks.

overall behaviour seems worse than in British kids and definitely more bullying over things that are accepted in the UK (being vegetarian for example). No teaching at school about diversity and inclusion.

Also to add a very strong culture of breastfeeding and co-sleeping. Know many parents that co-sleep until age of 2 and more. Breastfeeding until 18 months is not uncommon.

Just thought of another thing I thought was good about the Canary Islands, single parents get priority for childcare. I think that's right, as you only have one persons annual leave allowance not two!

Here's a link to the really interesting Cup of Jo blog mentioned above. It has guest posts from mothers bringing up children in different countries. https://cupofjo.com/category/motherhood/motherhood-around-the-world/