To wonder about other countries approaches to raising children

[Mamabear04]

I was approached in a supermarket by an elderly woman who I think just wanted a chat because she was lonely. I was with my baby and she proceeded to tell me about her son who lives in the Netherlands and how they let their kids stay up late, unlike British parents who can't wait to get their kids to bed. It got me to wondering about how other cultures raise their kids. I do put my children to bed early at 7pm, yes because I like to have the evenings to rest but also it means they gets a solid 11-12 hours sleep and wake for the working day at 7am. A friend who lives in France said that kids are seen and not heard there and have hardly any play parks (I was a bit shocked about the play parks tbh), she also said Israeli families consider their kids the biggest blessing from God and so let their kids do anything (in a nice way not an antisemitic way. They are a multicultural family). I also have a friend who said her cousin still sleeps in the same room as her parents at 9 years old and they live in UAE. I'm just so curious about how other cultures raise their kids and also how people see British families as well. I only ever hear that British families don't eat together and don't engage with their kids. Anyone from outwith the UK want to tell about how they raise their children? Do you really think of British families like this?

I guess the short version is that there is alot of judgment unless your kids are seen as polite and well mannered or if they are too closely monitored.

Sorry that was so long ( and I'm continuing the longness...sorry)

Austria- weaning is all spoon fed. I told paediatrician I gave Ds a sandwich for lunch at 8 ish months and I was highly berated about it not being suitable. When I said I followed the uk nhs guidelines for weaning, he said ‘ yes well we aren’t the uk here, and we have proper weaning guidelines you should follow’.

Also much more cautious with health. A sniffle and it’s off to be checked out by a professional. But the good thing is child only doctors, so children are generally seen by a child paediatrician or specialist not a general doctor.

Exactly - UK schools approach to safeguarding is unheard of in other european countries. Even cleaners and support staff at school attend safeguarding trainings and need to be able to report and spot signs. At my school we have a counsellor, psychologist, pastoral leads for every year that constantly liaise with the parents on various issues from a child requiring a dentist appointment to major wellbeing concerns. Italy has a similar approach to France in regards to rules and " life at school" but safeguarding concerns will be reported to the family for them to deal with - the school does not do anything about this
Organising a school trip in the UK is a huge job for teachers for this reason...
i hope I never have to organise one tbh
It sounds like a logistical nightmare

Yeah... it baffles me that in the UK everything is done by the GP?
No concept of Frauenartz or Kinderartz

I’m British and we all eat dinner together, my kids (age 1 and 5) go to bed at around 8/830. Later in the summer/ if we are out. Last night it was 11 for the 5year old. And I don’t put them to bed because I’m sick of them, but because they’re tired. And I love co sleeping, they have their own beds but know they’re welcome to sleep with us.

Also my kids don’t eat ‘ kids food’ aka bland oven food, they eat whatever we are eating as a family.

Yes but bland oven food is very much a thing in the U.K. for kids, we can’t pretend it isn’t. Kids have their own menus in restaurants and pubs, there’s a whole category of ‘kids food’ in supermarkets (after all I’m guessing very few adults buy fish gingers, chicken nuggets or potato smileys for themselves). I agree with PP that, having fed our kids bland beige food for several years, is it surprising they then find ‘adult’ food too acquired?

I’m not pretending it isn’t? Just stating I don’t feed my kids it, many people don’t. We’re all different and raise our kids differently. Oven food/ kids food is popular in other countries I’ve lived in too, it’s not just a British thing.

Plain pasta with cheese is often offered to picky children in France or Italy but the whole kiddie food for every meal is not a thing. I volunteered in France teaching children English in a maternelle and some children did not like their food or were being picky but they were encouraged to try it and eventually they did try
In the UK it's children's cereals, snacks, ready meals - only offering cheese on sandwiches or plain varieties
Some kids might have olives but that is seen as been an acquired taste
Of course this does not apply to every family but I have been working with UK families for the past 8 years...

Ok so I have a question (which is genuine by the way!)….

So all of these countries where the parents are out working, rocking up to collect the children, then going off to the park until late, having a coffee or a beer.

When do they cook dinner/do the shopping etc etc? We are being told food is much better quality, no ‘kids’ food etc, but this type of cooking takes time and planning etc.

(I have been a SAHM since my eldest was born so I do cook rm scratch daily and rarely do oven food, but I know how long these things take)

Funny you should mention olives, I was at the beach the other week with about ten families (all English) and the kids were all going mad for the olives. Anecdotal though, much like your experience. We’re all different. I’ve never seen a child’s ready meal though?

We spend a lot of the holidays in Spain. The kids seem to stay up so much later here, not just for holidays but as part of the normal routine. Do they start school later? I always wonder this! Same when we've been to UAE also

Food for children in France… it’s very different. French people pretty much eat what their grandparents ate, again that’s deemed to be the ‘correct’ way to eat and everyone more or less does it.

typical school lunch would be:

salad starter - could be anything from grated carrots in vinaigrette, chickpea salad, beetroot in mustard sauce. Or some melon, or soup.

Main - usually meat or fish plus a choice of sides. Beef stew and glazed carrots. Pasta carbonara. Baked cod in a lemon sauce and green beans.

small piece of cheese plus bread.

dessert - usually fruit or yoghurt plus a cake once per week.

they just eat it, generally. It’s the kind of food they eat at home.

Annabel Karmel had a whole selection of ready meals like spag bol, cottage pie marketed for children
There is also a range called "little dish" tesco sells it

I was an Au Pair for years and never saw any of this. The families I worked for all had very wholesome home cooked food and no bland stuff. I don’t think you can just assume that’s the way it is for the whole of the U.K.

@Raaasaur in my experience, one parent is either at home cooking the dinner in the evening whilst the other does the after school clubs or park trip. Otherwise I think there is more community reciprocity. I'm in the UK but the school my kids go to is very diverse. There is a lot of 'if you take my child to the park then I will take your child to the party' which works really well as you don't really need ten parents watching ten eight year olds. On MN however it would be frowned on as CF territory and so the parents would just keep quiet.

@Trixiefirecracker in fact I never said it was for the whole of the UK if you read my message correctly:) I said " it doesnt apply to every family" just my experience of there being lots more children's food options/ menu based on my experience! Not claiming everyone in the UK feeds their kids different food, nor that they feed them earlier or bland food/ beige food
I am now a teacher in secondary school! You should come to a canteen in a mainstream secondary school ( not fancy independent schools that have tabouleh and fancy salads for lunch) the menu is very beige and plain

@Raaasaur

so the typical timetable for a young primary school aged child in France would be:

child collected from school at 4:15 by a nounou, goes to the park for an hour where they have a snack (fruit, biscuits) then home to do homework.
7:00/7:30pm parents get home.
8:00/8:30 pm all eat together.
9:30 bedtime.

French families use a lot of convenience foods these days - there is a great shop called Picard which is basically high quality frozen food and ingredients. But the foods are basically the traditional dishes. They aren’t labouring over the stove every night. And they make one meal for everyone - no catering for individual likes or dislikes

lots of salad dishes don’t need cooked.

also, pretty much everyone is having their main meal in the middle of the day and eat less at night - maybe just soup and salad.

We’re of rural Indo-African origins. The aim was always that they were feeding themselves at 6 months, encouraged to talk (and in sentences) from 9 months, out of nappies by 1, dressing and bathing themselves by 2, and by 3 were fully potty trained (including wiping / washing) and able to greet and make polite conversation with anyone. DD’s ASD scuppered most of these milestones but DS has hit all of them.

There’s a huge culture of independance. If an adult can do something then a child is also expected to learn - from cooking to sewing to going to the shops. And it’s so ingrained that when a child can’t do something their parents get blamed for it. But we encourage cosleeping for as long as possible (DD only slept by herself from 8).

But I should point out this isn’t Indian culture. Kids are babied there and often handfed 5-10.

@Raaasaur - school finishes by 12 here. Therefore most families either have one parent working part time or sahp, or grandparents etc are involved. Main meal is usually eaten lunchtime. So afternoons and evenings are free to head out if sunny and evening food for most is just bread, cheese, fruit.

In the UK there is often a wealth divide. People who earn more eat better and feed their kids better. It’s the same in France - every single time I’ve been to France it seems only my French-Arab / or French-African friends actually cook from scratch. My white French friends rarely (if ever) do and seem to subsist on cigarettes, coffee, and ready made sandwiches.

Croatia here and the only things I know about UK child rearing is from Mumsnet.

Children go to bed much later, but it depends if it is summer or during school year. It is usually very hot during the summer so parents go to a playground at 6 pm and usually return home around 9, even 10 pm.
During school year they usually go to bed earlier. My own, who are 4 and 9, go to bed at 8.30-9.00 pm and wake up a little bit after 7 am.
But our kids nap more, they nap in kindergarten untill they're 5 or 6.

No playgroups in Croatia so parents take even their smallest babies to park when they're 1 month old. People meet there and play with children and considering the fact that most of us live in apartments it is like an extension of our home.

Weaning - all spoon fed.

No kids menus in Croatia, but I would to see them imported. I love them in UK.

I have never heard about somebody who eats at different time then their children and the first time I heard mummy and daddy time was on Mumsnet. To be honest, there are times I would like to live in a country where kids are in bed by 7 pm. Co-sleeping is also often, but we live in small apartments. And because of that kids share till they go to the university.

Not much SAHM mums, but that is because kindergartnes and cheap so even a single mum on minimum wage can afford one easily, at least here in capital where I live. But on the other hand ratio of nursery staff and children is much worse in Croatia.

Children used to play alone outside even from age 5, but that doesn't happen any more. They usually start playing outside with friends when they're 8 or 9.

They start school much later (6 or 7) and usually walk to school from second grade, but it depends how far is the school.

Food - well it depends, but most of the parents cook from scratch (another word that doesn't exist in our language) and children from early age eat what parents eat. Usually one parent cooks and does things around the house, while other parents is in the park.

From what I read on Mumsnet and I do not know is that true, kids are much better behaved in cinema and theatres. I can't remember when I was in cinema or theatre with my kids and heard a noise. They're usually very well behaved.

Rural Spain … “it takes a village” concept is alive and kicking. If kids misbehave everyone will discipline them...and they know that.
They play out till 11-12am, very rarely seen with phones / screens in restaurants and eat same food as the adults.

It’s fiesta time now, they are all out till the early hours playing with fireworks.
the whole village is out drinking, eating partying … but all evidence of it cleaned up by 8.30am

Excelling at school isn’t a priority and rightly or wrongly “as long as you do your best” seems to be the norm. Most kids will stay and work in family businesses. Those that do what to stretch their wings and go to the city are self driven rather than encouraged.

Gangs of early teens are always friendly, having fun enjoying one another’s company.

H&S is very much … if you trip up/ cut yourself/ etc … it’s your own fault, you should have watched what you were doing 🥴

We compare it to UK in the 70’s

@Wenfy

yes! I have a Malaysian friend who was still spoon-feeding her son when he was 8yrs old! I was gobsmacked as were my kids of the same age

Spent the first decade of my kids’ lives in the US but it’s a huge country with huge differences - so prob better to say specifically we were in LA. If you think helicoptering kids, letting them get away with murder, never saying no, and teaching them the world revolves around them is big in the U.K. then def don’t go to LA 😂 we actually moved out of a tourist famous area because I got so sick of being “the strict parent” for telling off other people’s children for throwing sand in toddlers’ faces in the park, and after one too many play dates of another kid twisting my kid’s arm or something equally horrid and being told their child was “expressing themselves”

We moved to a different area which was a little less “child centric” but on the whole white parents were very uptight about things like talking about puberty too young, letting children walk (like - ANYWHERE!) and micro managing, and also making sure by the age of 6 their child had found their sport and had to make a long term commitment to it. On the other hand a lot of Mexican families we knew allowed their kids more freedom but more responsibilities and they felt more integrated into family life