AIBU to be cheesed off with shrieking kids on holiday?

[AnnoyedOnHoliday]

Recently my DP took me on an amazing surprise holiday for my birthday a few weeks ago, 4 nights in a beautiful 5 star hotel - definitely a big treat and really outside of our normal budget so obviously wanted to enjoy it to the absolutely maximum. Hotel was absolutely beautiful and facilities/staff were pretty faultless.

I don't want to say it was ruined but definitely marred by the amount of unruly children. The main pool of the hotel had two pool - a smaller shallow one for kids and another larger one bit more suitable for being able to get a proper swim in. Everyday the main pool as well as the kids one was taken over by kids shrieking in rubber rings, splashing and jumping as well as just being smack bang in the centre of the pool so hard to swim. The area was basically taken over by the constant noise of shouting, screaming, crying and small children sprinting into your sun lounger every two seconds. I found it really hard to concentrate on unwinding and couldn't concentrate on reading my book as so noisy and chaotic and obviously found using the pool for swimming quite annoying also.

The hotel was very much in the countryside so we ate the really great hotel restaurant quite a few breakfasts, lunches and 2 dinners. Every single time, early in the morning, late at night children were sprinting up and down the dining room, running into waiters, more of that shrieking again. More examples but you get the idea.

It seemed to be happening in many different families and every single time I'd look over and they'd be just ignoring their kids or encouraging them to run around so they could have drinks/eat their meal without having to deal with them and 9 times out of 10, I'd never see them being reprimanded for being disruptive.

I get that looking after small children is full on and stressful (I'm really not talking about kids crying/distressed as I know that cannot be helped - referencing the running around shrieking behaviour) but AIBU to think to think it's a bit out of order to just zone out and let everyone have their meals and relaxing time ruined because you're in 'holiday mode' and want some time off parenting?

It just felt a bit jarring that we'd paid to be on holiday too and were basically having to endure everyone else kids.

I mean personally I think safer to tell kids to reserve shrieking and screaming for when they actually need help, but knock yourself out with “nah do what you like, people automatically know the difference between an ‘I’m being daft!’ bloodcurdling scream and one that signifies you’re trapped down a well”.

Have there been less instances of children being helped in difficult circumstances?

Is there actually MORE screaming and shrieking generally?

Is it a new kind of shriek?

You have an incredible take on kids by a pool.

We were never allowed to scream or shriek near water, it was a cardinal rule (and we grew up on lakes.)

Yup. I grew up sailing and with a swimming pool. It's simple safety.

If we screamed in the pool, my mother would run out looking frantic. When it turned out that there was no emergency, her frantic face turned thunderous, and we were ordered out of the pool. Friends as well. It only happened a few times and we all learnt how to play perfectly happily without shrieking or screaming, even the littlies.

It's a safety thing. Screaming is a signal of distress. Children should be taught NOT to scream, unless they are in distress or danger.

Exactly. And they used to be taught. Now parents can't be bothered.

Also it wasn't just parents; any adult hearing a child scream, screech or shriek when not actually in danger would step and tell them to be quiet or go indoors. To have some consideration for other people.

There used to be standards for public decorum, too.

I don't think we were unusual and we didn't need to "make a racket" to have fun. We were busy organizing games, imaginary play, holding our own 'events' like races or costume contests, playing variations on hide-and-seek, etc etc. Someone might shout as in "Jane, throw the ball here!" but not the prolonged, mindless, non-verbal screeching one hears now.

It's pure indifference to the comfort of other people, frankly. If screeching is so normal and OK, let them do it in the parents' lounge, not outdoors and in public.

I have a goodie - just happened this afternoon. Contributors to this thread will love this.

I took my son swimming to our local pool just now: it's in a members' gym and I have have a membership for him so I can take him during the holidays. There are a number of restrictions: kids under 15 can only use the trainer pool, not the 25m pool and they're not allowed in the hydropool, steam room or saunas. We of course respect this, and if people didn't, I suspect it would be rapidly enforced.

There was a father and his kid in the trainer pool and they'd brought along with them - a fucking whistle. Next to a relaxation area where people were swimming and having a much-needed wind-down in the spa facilities.

Some people just haven't got a clue. What kind of dunderhead thinks that's a great idea?

I think it can be frustrating when kids are allowed to cause chaos but if you don't have children you tend to notice more when they are being unruly. I think an adults only hotel would be more suitable or a normal hotel with adults only part.

I am I mother and grandmother and neither of the generations have resorted to screaming when playing. I appreciate kids get excited, especially when on holiday but that ear piercing scream goes through me.
I have a neighbour whose little girl can’t play without screaming non stop. How these parents put up with it god knows. And have you ever been in a supermarket with a child screaming and the mother absolutely oblivious to the noise. Total lack of consideration, which seems to be the norm now.

Just parents not parenting and lazy parenting and you are right to be annoyed. I remember many years ago when a group of friends and I took our kids to a pizza hut or something and when I came back from the loo the children were running around. I told them all to sit down as would never allow my son to do that as just not right place and was shocked the other 2 mums let it happen. Children have to be taught what is acceptable from a young age or else they grow up into the feral teenagers that we see so many of now and all to do with their lazy parents who put their own needs and drinking etc first. Seems to be so many kids just standing screaming non stop and no one says anything. So different from children out enjoying themselves and playing before another person says oh that is to be expected as the summer holidays.

Obviously those defending the endless shrieking and screaming for no reason are the ones who kids are not parented and are ignored. Big difference between kids playing and enjoying themselves and that awful non stop squealing. Lazy parenting and shows a total lack of respect and selfishness by the parent.

If you have a magic formula to stop kids being noisy then please do share it! I hate it when people give kids the side eye and dirty looks for just being kids on holiday - in a family friendly place. I constantly feel really stressed trying to control my kids. I do try to be considerate and to am extremely conscious of other people. It makes me not want to go anywhere with the kids because I genuinely do not know how you make them be quiet. All those saying “this didn’t happen in my day” please enlighten me. Perhaps my kids are ND (one definitely suspected) but when they are excited and on holiday they do get loud.

this is why we only go to places like center parcs or Eurocamp where it’s full of families and kids making noise - so I can relax a tiny bit and not feel awful trying to constantly be on at my kids to be quiet, sit down, stop that, stay here etc etc while people give us nasty looks.

once my kids are older if I don’t want to be around kids I will definitely go to adults only places!

the other thing I do wonder is if this generation of kids has been affected by half their life being lived under quarantine in covid. I personally find parenting incredibly hard and judgmental people really really don’t help when I am doing my best!

So what happened when you spoke to the father, or asked a lifeguard to speak to him?

I’m on the fence here.

Yes it does sound like some bad behaviour and overly relaxed parenting. I absolutely stop mine shrieking or shouting, and no running around in restaurants or by the pool (for their own safety as well as everyone else’s peace!)

However, even the best behaved children are going to make more noise than adults, especially if there are lots of them together. Things like being in the middle of the pool is not bad behaviour, even if it does stop you swimming lengths. It’s just not compatible. Realistically, you need somewhere with almost zero kids for the type of holiday you wanted.

Honestly, I would say the main issue here is that your DH didn’t do enough research about the level of families. I’m not blaming him, he tried to do a lovely thing, just lesson learned for next time. I read pages and pages of reviews before booking, including that filter you can do on tripadvisor where you look at reviews from the same time of year. I bet doing that would have revealed a LOT of family visitors in July. Also if a place has family rooms, you can bet there will be families.

Funnily enough, when I told the father his kid's noise was disturbing to other pool users, I got the usual spiel about 'he's only little' and DC and I then found our space monopolized by them rather too often (but just enough to claim plausible deniability). Men often do this in swimming pools, as I've seen on numerous occasions when playing Lane-Swimming-Patriarchy-Chicken. It's an illuminating reminder of how many men think a woman's place is to get out of their way.

The lifeguard was sitting on her backside watching all this and being next to useless. If he'd become a real nuisance - or if we hadn't been getting out in a few minutes' time - I'd have asked her to intervene.

But he did stop the kid using the whistle. Win-win.

My question, however, wasn't about this, but about why anyone would think taking a whistle along to a swimming pool was a good idea.

I get it for the restaurant yes that's not on but sorry the pool kids will play and make noise.
I wouldn't let my kids run around a pool but I also wouldn't be telling them off for playing and having fun in a pool.
You comment that it wasn't a typical family place but parents also want to relax and if they had a children's pool then they clearly market and cater for them.

I never book huge family places I don't like them and like many parents prefer a balance of pool for the kids but relaxation options for me.

I think adult only is the way forward for you!

I still can't believe the OP went to a family resort, in the middle of the school holidays, when it's peak expense and peak families, and is now complaint about the consequences of their own hard to fathom choices.

Sure, there are families who take the piss - blast Peppa Pig out of tablets without headphones, don't keep an eye on their kids and don't tell them off when they're getting too put of control (as kids do). But equally, kids have as much right to be in the pool as anyone else and their parent have paid (more) than the OP to enjoy it.

Compromise is the key. Kids won't be in the pool at 8 am. If you want to swim lanes, go then. Swim at lunchtime when they're having naps if little etc. Or even, join in with the fun! You never know, you might enjoy yourself!

I was on holiday recently with my 4 sons age 11-18. They're haven't been on holiday together for awhile. It was last holdiay before oldest is off to uni. They aren't rude or obnoxious but 4 teen boys ina pool is never going to be quiet and serene. They stopped throwing balls to each other as 2 women together complained. They moved to the other end of the pool to do their handstands because people wanted to be able to lane swim across a round infinity pool. Still not enough for the 2 women who just didn't want kids in the pool while they were there, in July, in a heatwave.

BUT. There was also a lovely couple who made friends with us when they started trying to dodge them and make it into a game swimming round them etc. When I went over and said to them I'm sorry they're in your way, do you want me to try and get them out, they said NO, we love seeing the lads playing together so nicely, it's lovely to see brothers so close, we only were able to have one and he's at uni and doenst come with us anymore etc. They also complained that when we went out for the day their 50 lengths were so boring without them and they made it go faster.

Which kind of people would you rather be I guess? The friendly couple certainly seemed to be more relaxed and be enjoying themselves more than the 2 women who did nothing but complain, to the lifeguard, to the management etc, about all the kids in the pool, who were all being a bit noisy, but respectful, I have to say.

Honestly I think many people are clueless about school holidays and the prevalence of kids everywhere during them, until they have them themselves, or until they have an experience like the OP. I certainly was.

Adults only hol next time

@sunglassesonthetable

Is there actually MORE screaming and shrieking generally?

Judging by the ear piercing screams coming from the school playground next to me, yes definitely. I would say this is in the last two years. I normally like to sit in the garden on a sunny day listening to the sounds of children playing, but the last two years I couldn't wait for the holidays to start. Sounds of running around, games and giggling, lovely. Screaming competitions, no!

@DoraSpenlow

Does it relate to Lockdown do you think?
It's not the least bit scientific but posters on here do keep mentioning it.

It's as if children shriek and scream differently now. And in a school yard it's not as if teachers aren't about.

In all honesty I haven't heard it. I think kids are noisy. End of. Especially the more you get.

As a family we don't go to hotels except for the odd night. We stay in AirBNB villas on holiday as usually as we want peace and quiet. My kids make enough noise, on their own, around a pool.

The one time we did go to a hotel in the Summer holidays, I was gobsmacked how loud it was and that was kids ( rightly) just enjoying themselves. Never again. Too loud and too busy.

I went on holiday in June this year to a hotel, without my kids, first time ever, out of school holiday season. There were about 3 children there in total. They ran and played, shouted did all the usual stuff but you barely noticed as there were so few of them. And it was lovely.

Multiply that by 10 or so and it would be chaos. You wouldn't need many families to get 30 or so children around a pool.

And if every child shrieked only once an hour... etc etc I do think it's a numbers game.

And it would probably only take one selfish family, and there usually is one, to tip the whole thing into being uncomfortable.

Those saying Yabu are probably those lazy,entitled idiots who allow their noisy kids to ruin everyone's else's holidays.
No you should not have to seek out an adult only hotel in term time,the parents should get off of their backsides and parent the children appropriately.

That’s such a lazy assumption, that those who disagree must by definition be those parents who allow their children to run wild.

It also includes those, including me, who think the OP’s expectations were unrealistic in the school holidays. It was a family friendly hotel and that was always going to mean lots of kids in the pool.

YANBU about the restaurant, though, OP.

@sunglassesonthetable

I don't know what lockdown has got to do with children being allowed to scream and squeal like banshees all the time. And when its school playtime here it is relentless.

I don't know why it is. All I know is that I remember my brother and I being told off and having the hose taken away from us very quickly because we were making too much noise spraying each other one summer. We were just told it was not aceptable and to either play nicely or come indoors. We have also been on holidays where our young nieces and nephews were present and screaming and running mental were just not tolerated by their parents around a crowded pool.

No you're not unreasonable at all.... people are disgraceful that they pop kids out but then fail to parent them. I think anyone who lets their kids do this is completely selfish.

don't know what lockdown has got to do with children being allowed to scream and squeal like banshees all the time. And when its school playtime here it is relentless.

Just wondering re the timing @DoraSpenlow ?

I would be so interested to know what affect if any lockdown has had on:

• children’s behaviour.
• people’s tolerance for that behaviour.

as a parent I do find it genuinely so hard to keep my kids quiet and calm. And I feel judged which makes me more stressed and ratty with the kids and doesn’t help their behaviour. It’s not for want of trying. They are very active and quite loud children. I do tell them off etc but it’s not a magic wand. Short of drugging or gagging them I’m not sure what the best thing to do is. On the other hand it would be so nice if there were spaces where we could all just let kids be noisy (not hitting each other or anything obviously) without judgement.

It's not lockdown, it's parenting.

Why do your children not listen and obey?