AIBU to be cheesed off with shrieking kids on holiday?

[AnnoyedOnHoliday]

Recently my DP took me on an amazing surprise holiday for my birthday a few weeks ago, 4 nights in a beautiful 5 star hotel - definitely a big treat and really outside of our normal budget so obviously wanted to enjoy it to the absolutely maximum. Hotel was absolutely beautiful and facilities/staff were pretty faultless.

I don't want to say it was ruined but definitely marred by the amount of unruly children. The main pool of the hotel had two pool - a smaller shallow one for kids and another larger one bit more suitable for being able to get a proper swim in. Everyday the main pool as well as the kids one was taken over by kids shrieking in rubber rings, splashing and jumping as well as just being smack bang in the centre of the pool so hard to swim. The area was basically taken over by the constant noise of shouting, screaming, crying and small children sprinting into your sun lounger every two seconds. I found it really hard to concentrate on unwinding and couldn't concentrate on reading my book as so noisy and chaotic and obviously found using the pool for swimming quite annoying also.

The hotel was very much in the countryside so we ate the really great hotel restaurant quite a few breakfasts, lunches and 2 dinners. Every single time, early in the morning, late at night children were sprinting up and down the dining room, running into waiters, more of that shrieking again. More examples but you get the idea.

It seemed to be happening in many different families and every single time I'd look over and they'd be just ignoring their kids or encouraging them to run around so they could have drinks/eat their meal without having to deal with them and 9 times out of 10, I'd never see them being reprimanded for being disruptive.

I get that looking after small children is full on and stressful (I'm really not talking about kids crying/distressed as I know that cannot be helped - referencing the running around shrieking behaviour) but AIBU to think to think it's a bit out of order to just zone out and let everyone have their meals and relaxing time ruined because you're in 'holiday mode' and want some time off parenting?

It just felt a bit jarring that we'd paid to be on holiday too and were basically having to endure everyone else kids.

One of the big issues is parents these days have more disposable income, foreign holidays are cheaper, and it’s also more acceptable to take children anywhere and anytime.

When I was a child in 70s foreign holidays were a rarity for most people as they couldn’t afford them. The odd family went to Spain, USA (Disney land etc) but they were the exception. Butlins was still very popular. When I went abroad properly it was camping for2 weeks in Normandy. Eating out was a big treat, lots of pubs had games rooms and gardens but would rarely let children in even if it was raining. Kids then were well behaved. I think I once had a strop aged 10 in a new restaurant locally and my mum quickly took me to the toilets to give me a stern talking to.

Now it’s gentle parenting or ignoring children.

Who takes babies who may cry to Barbie or young children to a 9pm weekday showing of a film when most of those children will be overtired and would rather be in bed having a story or watching something on tv cuddled up in a blanket? It seems common sense has gone out of the window.

Yes of course we sometimes mucked around at swimming pools but were soon told off if it was dangerous. The lifeguards at these pools probably despair because they know the parents and kids won’t listen. So lifeguards do nothing.

I think most of the posters moaning about kids screaming and being annoying don't have kids. So the "usual" child noises are irritating whereas parents know this is to be expected.

FFS.

Nah, I have one. I’ve taught him to behave properly though and to have respect for others. I imagine most of the other posters ‘moaning’ have done the same with their children.

@AnnoyedOnHoliday Genuinely curious how it would go down, if I applied that logic in the opposite direction. If our holiday mattered the same then we would perfectly be in our rights to be running down the corridors late at night, running into the doors and shrieking cos - “child-free couples having fun on holiday”

To be fair, if you were to go 18-30s style holiday that's exactly what you would get 😂. Different type of holiday choices are more suitable to achieving different outcomes! People telling you to book adult only are making a suggestion for improvement rather than green lighting behaviours that you have no control over.

I expect shrieking and screaming and laughing and crying around a pool. Yes it can get annoying but its hard to stop excited children on holiday. The restaurant behaviour I wouldn't expect and would be complaining to the hotel for not insisting that children in their restaurants behave appropriately.

Honestly there are loads of places. You could have booked where there are no kids at all.

You went to a child-friendly resort in school holidays.

Children shriek, regardless of parenting. Parents ignore kids, even good parents ignore their kids.

Yabu.

@Hibiscrubbed Care to elaborate?

Also, I have three non-shrieking boys. They are quiet, ASD introverts who prefer to stay home.

If they were NT kids who shrieked and ran around having the time of their lives, I'd love it.

I think most of the posters moaning about kids screaming and being annoying don't have kids. So the "usual" child noises are irritating whereas parents know this is to be expected.

I have kids - but yes there are some adults who dislike kids and moan about any slight noise or behavior but there are also a lot of very permissive disinterested parents who let kids run wild and cause nuisance. * *

Both groups make parenting harder for the majority of parents doing their best - the first by putting everyone on edge and the latter by setting the expectation that all kids are all out of control menaces meaning all kids and families are prejudged and often resulting in a lack of welcome to families.

People telling you to book adult only are making a suggestion for improvement rather than green lighting behaviours that you have no control over.

This - if you don't have kids you have option of avoiding the entire situation in future. The pool situation does sound more like wrong location at wrong time and restaurant more unacceptable behavior but you can't control other's behavior only how you react to it.

Nope. I'm a parent and I definitely find that there is more crap behaviours and shitty parenting around these days.

My husband is an ex Headteacher and he also says that over the 35 years that he taught he also noticed a disintegration in behaviour, including more shrieking and shouting in NT children and children who think that the normal rules don't apply to them because their parents will bash the teachers instead (in a couple of cases literally bashing the teachers).

It's not us getting older. Children have always had the ability to be little shits. We know that. The difference is that there are more parents now who can't be arsed to parent them.

Stop using the narrative that it is child free people being precious or older parents forgetting. We all live in this society and we all notice what is happening. Just bloody parent your kids.

I said MOST not all.

It’s a swimming pool with children in the summer.Children shriek when they are excited and playing. It’s what they do. he should have chosen a child free hotel.
I hate other people’s shrieking kids btw- but going to a kid friendly hotel with a pool, in the summer? What did you expect?

What don't you understand?

Parents who teach heir kids to be aware of their impact on others and tell them to tone down the noise/exuberance when they're clearly disturbing others are justifiably unimpressed with parents who let their kids run riot.

@lilyvictus

She replied FFS so I wanted to know which part she was referring to.

their kids

But it shouldn't be.

Parents should be ensuring their children are somewhat respectful of others around then and be parenting them.

We never let Dd run around by pools and certainly not inside restaurants- at the very least it's dangerous for them.

She was also not allowed to shriek and scream when out and about, where it would annoy others.

Normal noise levels and some splashing is to be expected, running into where others are sat, running in restaurants, screaming and squealing should not be expected behaviour.

Ideally all hotels need to have a designated adult only and/or quiet zone pool area for guests who want to sit and relax and swim without shrieking and shouting.

And if the op is a teacher or limited to school holidays?
And has her own quiet children?

I can't! I teach. I'm restricted to school holidays.

Just because I'm away in school holidays doesn't mean I want to listen to children making unreasonable levels of noise or running around dangerously.

And yes - I've had my own child. Even as a parent I didn't want to deal with that and wouldn't tolerate that kind of behaviour from her either.

I was so happy this year to go on holiday during school time; it was brilliant to be able to relax in restaurants without screaming kids running around whilst the 'parents' got pissed and ignored their feral brats.

Meanwhile, last week, out at a chain restaurant with 8 of us for a lovely lunch to celebrate a big birthday...a family come in, the parents and 4 kids. 2 of the kids immediately sat down with their gadgets/phones/tablets and played quietly, meanwhile the other younger 2 screeched and screamed, ran around and on top of the table whilst mum and dad just sat there. The smallest one screeched so loud at one point I thought my ear drums were gonna burst. This carried on for around 10 minutes.

At that point, the bar tender came over and stopped the smallest one from running around saying 'maybe go and sit down as a restaurant is no place to run around'. Dad frowned but didn't say anything or stop the kid. Then seconds later, the kid was still running around so bar tender approached the table and told the family that they had to leave. The Dad started effing and jeffing (in front of the kids), Mum just sat there dumb. The staff member stood his ground plus another came over and they both told them they had to go. They were both incredibly polite about it and refused to serve them. The dad, shouting his head off left and the kids/mum trailed behind.

We nearly applauded the staff!! Never have I seen this before. Whenever this has previously happened, the staff have just ignored it and we've had to tolerate shitty parenting. It was a breath of fresh air tbh. (But did wonder whether Dad was abusive as the Mum just sat there, head down, not saying a word).

Family friendly doesn't mean only for families with noisy children.

Screaming, squealing and shrieking is never necessary. Most people don't mind a bit of noise going on, expect laughing and some shouting even. But overly loud noise should be tempered to the environment and parents should be parenting children, teaching them that certain behaviour isn't acceptable at certain times/places.

Running in restaurants is never acceptable behaviour.

Running round a pool is dangerous.

Running into people's chairs, loungers, etc should not need to be tolerated.

People accept normal childhood behaviour, they tolerate some drunk adult behaviour.

But once it becomes constant and ott it's not on.

No. I have had a child, now a young adult.
I teach, having done so for over 25 years, the last 14 years in infant school so used to being around many 4-7 year olds most days term time.

I know what I'd class as normal levels of noise and excitement. Sadly some people believe their children can go way above that with no parenting to prevent it.

Yanbu - the behaviour of children and their parents varies a lot between hotels and countries I find. Come across a lot of very respectful British families in the past. And others who are the opposite especially Italians and Russians (sure there are respectful Italian and Russian families out there too).

but I’m not sure what you expected in school hols unless you went to a specific adults only hotel. You can usually avoid most of the craziness by avoiding school
hols wherever you go- still likely to get preschoolers but they tend to be more reigned in by their parents than the older children.

Do! It's bliss. I have kids and take them away, and allow them to have fun! But, there is nothing like knowing that you're going to be able to relax with no kids around.

However, I have seen adults behave appallingly at adults only due to drink. But the staff seem very happy to tell them to stfu.

And for the OP and others, no I don't allow my children free reign. In fact due to neurodivergence, they are quiet by nature. But you'd be judging me on their device playing, although it will be headphones! Parents can never win.

In typical AIBU, you ask and then are surprised that people disagree and have name called and been rude to people with a different opinion. And simpled over the ones who agree. You didn't want a conversation, you wanted people to agree.

It's not us getting older. Children have always had the ability to be little shits. We know that. The difference is that there are more parents now who can't be arsed to parent them.

Stop using the narrative that it is child free people being precious or older parents forgetting. We all live in this society and we all notice what is happening. Just bloody parent your kids.

Absolutely this.

I don't belong to the 'children should be seen and not heard' school and quite like kids around. They're joyful (when they're not tantrumming). A bit of splashing, pool noise, laughter, even the odd shriek of excitement are all fine by me. But this incessant screaming by NT children - how do even the parents themselves stand it? It's hardly conducive to a relaxing family break and I couldn't tolerate that from my own kid, let alone expect fellow holidaymakers to put up with it. My own child (now 9) does not indulge in this form of screaming and never has, because he's been taught not to and knows there will be consequences for it.

IMO OP both is and isn't being unreasonable. The constant shouting, screaming and running into your sun lounger isn't possible to tune out, and would be very annoying. The type of parents who let their kids run riot around restaurants have always driven me demented. I'm extremely noise-intolerant - never travel anywhere without effective earplugs - but when sharing spaces with others it is sometimes necessary to adjust your expectations accordingly. You can't expect 'peace and quiet' to read your book. If you want it, take noise-cancelling earphones. I'm also a regular swimmer, but have as good as accepted that most hotels don't have 25m pools and I'm therefore not going to be doing fitness-based lane swimming.

As for booking adult-only holidays as a means of avoiding poor behaviour, good luck with that. Kids kicking your plane seat is admittedly infuriating, but by far the worst behaviour I've witnessed on flights has been that of adults. Even so, in 6-7 years' time when DC is no longer in compulsory education we'll likely travel out of season.

Sounds more like he picked totally the wrong type of hotel. As annoying as other peoples badly behaved kids are, if you go to a family hotel in the summer holidays this is always likely to happen. Should have booked an adults only place