To literally BEG women to set themselves up, financially?

[CallieRedux]

Typed out a long post full of personal details, then deleted, but, honestly, the specifics don't matter. What DOES matter is that you save every tiny bit you can, because having FUCK YOU money is - by far - the most important thing you can do for yourself.

It's saved me from everything from wrong relationships, shit jobs, from natural disasters... I have both made lots of money, and not, but having savings, and the ability to walk away is having POWER, and the best "self care" a woman can have.

Shit happens. Things change. Even to you. Yes, you can save - even a little - when you are poor.

Do it. Please.

Probably?
Because if I was the earner and my spouse would come up with that the situation would very quickly change toboth working and paying proportional parts of nursery and cleaner

100% this....we both work full time, it all goes into one account, either of us can spend it on what we want. We both have our own ISA's and work pensions. Women please ensure you are financially secure or at least have some savings to fall back on.

It means something because divorce takes time. During that time, the other person doesn't have access to your personal account and there is obviously no risk to them clearing it out like they could with a joint account.

It means that during a separation, you are much less likely to have nothing.

It infuriates me the amount of women I hear of who get pregnant very early on in their relationships. Get your contraception sorted people! So you have time to consider whether the relationship is right for you. A few months into a new relationship and you're dealing with pregnancy and loss of income. Invariably this leads to, but not always, a relationship breakdown and single parenthood and financial hardship.

People don't join the dots and think about their long term futures, everything has to be within the lense of being in a couple first.

Absolutely agree I’ve never been financially dependent on a partner and my equity is ringfenced in our current house which is in my name along with all the utility bills and I have the only card to joint account - people have such blinkers on around sharing finances considering divorce rates

Yes, that's true. I didn't think about that.

Agree 100%. We’ve been married 30 years,and have our own accounts, with just one joint for bills. It’s always worked great for us. I just feel if we had joint for everything, I’d be always having to run big purchases by him. Having my own money and own account means freedom to do what I want with the money in there. Although I appreciate it wouldn’t work for everyone.

I agree with this but I just don’t have any experience of this happening in the real world? I do admit to being in a London professional bubble though.

I wish there were reliable stats on this. I’m genuinely curious to find out if women are really jacking in their careers after kids to facilitate their husband’s career in large numbers? Are lawyers, accountants, surgeons, lecturers, management consultants etc. really abandoning their careers and looking after babies full time?

I agree but It depends entirely on the circumstances.

Your opinion is based on the idea that women still 'need a man' to be financially safe.

All my friends' daughters have excellent professional jobs and earn as much or more than their partners. They bought properties on their own before they had a partner or married, or could have.

Some have brought more equity into the marriage and would actually lose out if assets were split (although a Deed of Trust might prevent that.)

If a couple with children split the man still has to pay through the CSA for the child, married or not.

Women need to gain qualifications, get a good career going, before they have a child or commit to a situation where they need a man to support them financially.

@SouthLondonMum22

Why should I? SAHM's who facilitate their husband's career make it harder for me and women like me to compete against those men to further my own career.

This is also very true.

I actually think this is really sad. When I agreed to marry my dh I feel like we agreed to become a team and everything we have is shared. Why marry otherwise, I don't get it. When I was on maternity leave, he paid for everything and he will do overtime if we want a treat of some sort as its easier for him to do that. I am looking into changing careers and if I do I will earn more but I'm happy with this too. I find it bizarre that people go into marriage planning on having an escape, if I had any doubts about him at all, we would not have got married or had children. I think the problem is that people rush into these things without making sure they are with the right person. Yes I know people can change but whilst I am not nieve enough to say we would never split, or that one of us would NEVER mess up, I know his character/soul enough to know he 100% does not have it in him to screw me over completely. I guess it is easier for me to say because I do have family I could turn to if I really had to and I do work so I would not ever actually be stuck? I have also know my dh since school so maybe that is why I'm so sure? That said, I am very independent so could totally live on my own if I had to quite easily, but that's just a pride/stubborn thing in that I don't like to not be able to do something

What I want to know is?
Where are these high-paying careers?

You've read the whole thread, and this is your take?
Me and DH are a team. Very much so. I'm also an individual as is he. Don't feel sad for me. I'm doing great!

And we didn't rush into anything. We were together 11 years before we got married.

But if you divorce they'll all be marital assets and will be divided up, so what exactly is the point in your separate savings? Yes if you have a boyfriend you live with keep it separate but on divorce all your savings etc will be gone through and divided fairly, he could end with half anyway. All very pointless.

Great advice. Other than any money saved during a marriage is a marital asset so cannot be used.

My parents were savvy and always told me to have control of my own finances and not to have a joint account with any prospective partner. It’s just common sense. I’ve never been financially dependent on a man.

I don't know any. In my personal life the only woman I know who stopped working and never worked again is someone who was an admin assistant, married to a surgeon and who has her own trust fund. Oh and the wife of one of my partners , but again she had a job, not a career.

I did for 10 years. No regrets. I have recently gone back to work. Complete career change. I know several women who did the same.

Other than all marital assets so you’re wasting your time.

Can people stop talking about the marital assets? Do you think accounts get frozen so no party van use them for living and legal expenses or something?

Because the person staying at home is doing their 50% of the childcare, plus the other person's 50% of the childcare - so they should be compensated for that - just as they would split childcare if they were both working.

If you don't have shared accounts/access to family money, it's the only fair thing to do.

@skippy67 Not the whole thread no but a lot of it. I'm not sad FOR YOU, to each their own, I just think it's a sad way to think personally. I admitted though that my life is privileged in that I have help if I ever needed but I do think people need to be pickier with who they choose in life too. So many threads I have read where the dh is just an a*hole and I do find it hard to believe there were no signs of this at all in all cases - ive known peoplein real life where it was obviousto everyonearoundthem too but they didn'twant to hear it. But again, I had a very stable upbringing too so maybe that makes it easier for me I don't know. But I still find it sad people feel they need a way to escape when going into it yes

Well for me divvying up our separate funds, would as far as I have visibility mean taking, let's say for sake of example only, £100 from each of us, adding it together to make £200 and giving us each £100. Our careers, income have pretty much run in parallel.

That's still illogical because the only reason one does the other's share is because the other pays the bills etc. If you want 50% of the "childcare" and "housekeeping" you should pay 50% of the bills then (or proportionate amount to wages)?

No access to monney is different matter and it's moving from original simple shout about simply paying.