Email sent by colleagues addressed to 'Gents'

[funkymonkey55]

AIBU to be annoyed by a male colleague starting an email chain to other male colleagues where he addresses them as "Gents" and then he loops me in a few days later - when the actions around the original email topic (gathering information together) need to be picked up (by me of course!)?

It annoys me because I feel 1) I should have been cc'd in the first instance, 2) Isn't starting an email chain where you know females will have to be cc'd in / included with the phrase Gents a little rude?

I don't know if I am being a bit overly sensitive.

Overly sensitive

Reply all and start it "Ladies"...

OP, you obviously have too much time on your hands

Happened to me lots. I hated it it completely reinforces where you are in the hierarchy ( nowhere)

I had a 'mamanger' [in the loosest sense of the word as he was fucking useless] a few years ago who would call all the white men 'Mr [surname] and all the non white men [aka Asian guys and all the women] their first name.

Nobody seemed to be bothered until I pointed it out.

Actually @funkymonkey55, I don't think you're being oversensitive.

1- would it have been appropriate to include you in the email initially? Do you feel that not including you to start with was a deliberate omission, or were you just copied in later for info?

2- in my first leadership role 15 years ago, I sent an email to my team addressed "Guys". I was very quickly pulled up on this by a couple of women who pointed out that 1- they are not make, 2 - "Guys" is not inclusive, and makes them feel overlooked 3- that's just casual, lazy sexism.

I've since started informal emails to my teams as "Morning All", "Team" or "Folks".

This is not ok and in a number of industries there have been initiatives trying to stop this. It’s casual sexism

I don't think you're being overly sensitive- this is very rude.

YANBU. I get this a lot and hate it.

1 - yes it would have done most definitely as I have been involved with this task on the last few occasions over this year / last year

2 - I don't know whether to bring it up as it will be awkward, hence I thought posting here may be a good way to test the waters...

Wow this is near 50/50 😬

Everyday sexism YANBU

Is he senior to you and does he have the authority to be delegating actions to you?

We have to keep calling this kind of language out. Every single time.

I couldn't get bent out of shape over this to be honest

No we are the same grade (though funnily enough we have just had a change in boss, previous (male) boss was very pro-women / D&I, new one not so much but that is a whole other issue - though it is things like this that is making me and others notice a bit of a shift in culture.

Just RTA with "Ladies And.." prefixed in a bright colour to the original salutation - or "Not All Of Us Are...Gents...You Know"

"Ladies and Gentlemen" is not recommended TBH due to diverse identities.

It's not overly sensitive - you can call out non-inclusive behaviour without over-reacting - even if you are privately p**sed off.

YANBU at all. I hate this too.

Is this a once off from your colleague or part if a wider patten of behaviour?

If it is a pattern of behaviour YANBU.

@notmenono thanks for the advice re how to deal with calling out, this is really helpful.

It is the first time this has happened, as per email above we have just had a new boss which has shifted team dynamics and culture somewhat (he is very pro beers after work, took nearly a week and chasers to sort a maternity payroll issue etc.), not brilliant.

You are absolutely NOT being over sensitive and this is just the kind of sexism that must be called out before they start expecting you to make them cups of tea and setting out the buffet.

In that case, next time he does it I would phone him immediately as you get the email.

Tell him calmly that you won't be completing those actions until X date as you have other work priorities at the moment, and that you'd prefer he include you in the start of every email chain going forward so that you can input.

If you wanted to you could say "Mike I've also noticed you use gents at the start of all your emails. It's really old fashioned you know. You should think about updating your language"

It's really important to do this either in person or on the phone so that it can't be forwarded or taken in the wrong tone.

@Besttobe8001 thanks for the advice, agree one to do face to face / phone, I think responding in the chain might come across a bit passive aggressive

This wouldn’t offend me in the slightest - in fact if I heard a female colleague complain about this I would think differently of her.