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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Email sent by colleagues addressed to 'Gents'

232 replies

funkymonkey55 · 07/08/2023 13:18

AIBU to be annoyed by a male colleague starting an email chain to other male colleagues where he addresses them as "Gents" and then he loops me in a few days later - when the actions around the original email topic (gathering information together) need to be picked up (by me of course!)?

It annoys me because I feel 1) I should have been cc'd in the first instance, 2) Isn't starting an email chain where you know females will have to be cc'd in / included with the phrase Gents a little rude?

I don't know if I am being a bit overly sensitive.

OP posts:
NotMeNoNo · 07/08/2023 13:56

It's AIBU - passive aggressive is our trademark Grin

hattie43 · 07/08/2023 13:56

Get over yourself

Curseofthenation · 07/08/2023 13:58

I think if you had been cc'd in the first instance then it would been unreasonable to use 'gents'. It sounds like your colleague was saving you from receiving the back and forth emails from everyone. I would be pleased as it seems considerate to not involve you at that stage.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 07/08/2023 13:58

I'd be very annoyed by the process of the 'gents' having all the fun ideas and then delegating all the work to you, but yes the 'gents' salutation would also wind me up.
I would raise it - "Hello colleague, just querying why i wasn't included in this conversation from the beginning as I am being relied upon to bring the ideas to delivery. I also found the 'gents' salutation exclusionary and old-fashioned - was it deliberate or just lazy? Thank you."

Zhougzhoug · 07/08/2023 13:59

Offended is a loaded term - I wouldn't be offended so much as it would make me think the man who sent it was a knob. "Guys" is a little different in my opinion - sufficiently gender-neutral for many people these days I think, although cringe for other reasons (sounds 80s, who do you think you are, Ferris Bueller?)

BarbaraofSeville · 07/08/2023 13:59

Including you when there's some 'information gathering' to be done sounds like he views you as a PA. Yet, you're the same grade.

How is the work normally shared out, and are you being asked to do these things because it's your job, or because they see you as a support role, not equally qualified?

WeirdBarbie · 07/08/2023 14:00

Zhougzhoug · 07/08/2023 13:59

Offended is a loaded term - I wouldn't be offended so much as it would make me think the man who sent it was a knob. "Guys" is a little different in my opinion - sufficiently gender-neutral for many people these days I think, although cringe for other reasons (sounds 80s, who do you think you are, Ferris Bueller?)

Agree.

Nohelpfromme · 07/08/2023 14:00

Well if he'd copied you into it in the first place he wouldn't have been able to use 'gents' so maybe it's easier to ignore your existence rather than change his view of the world and the language he uses.
Struggling with people who say you're being oversensitive but them I remember when women were called oversensitive for complaining about the topless peanut cards in pubs, wanting 'male' jobs or just jobs, and the many many things we still have to fight for every fucking day. It's the small things that piss you off and grind you down.
Not having a good day today 😀

saltinesandcoffeecups · 07/08/2023 14:02

If he was addressing the original email to a bunch of men to begin with it’s fine. The fact that you were added later is neither here nor there. When you were added did he continue with “gents” or was it something like “adding funkymonkey, can you provide the TPS report “

Now whether you should have been added in the first place, yeah that can be annoying, but personally I don’t get overly bothered by it. If people want to waste their time going in circles when I could have addressed from the get go is not my problem.

If you had been on the original email and it had been addressed to “gents” then yeah you’d have cause to be annoyed.

frechette · 07/08/2023 14:04

It's casual sexism and you would be right to complain! It's always a certain type of guy who starts emails with 'Gentlemen'.

Interesting internalised misogyny on this thread...

Original poster
funkymonkey55 · 07/08/2023 14:05

BarbaraofSeville · 07/08/2023 13:59

Including you when there's some 'information gathering' to be done sounds like he views you as a PA. Yet, you're the same grade.

How is the work normally shared out, and are you being asked to do these things because it's your job, or because they see you as a support role, not equally qualified?

Information gathering is perhaps dumbing it down a bit, it is getting info to compile for a submission for a trade award we have been nominated for.

Usually it is done as a joint exercise across different departments - hence the initial email he sent, though our department holds the pen on the nomination.

I had done the kick off email in previous years messaging himself and the others in the chain.

OP posts:
LovePoppy · 07/08/2023 14:05

im more concerned that you were excluded from the beginning

That’s what I’d be bringing up

Original poster
funkymonkey55 · 07/08/2023 14:07

Moveoverdarlin · 07/08/2023 13:56

This wouldn’t offend me in the slightest - in fact if I heard a female colleague complain about this I would think differently of her.

This is exactly why I have anxiety about calling out what he has done... we may have to agree to disagree but I am a bit disappointed somebody can draw conclusions so quickly.

OP posts:
Besttobe8001 · 07/08/2023 14:07

Even if the original list would be all men, it's still not appropriate to use the term "gents". Just as it wouldn't be appropriate to use the term "ladies" for women at work. You use team, all, or just "hi".

AnSolas · 07/08/2023 14:09

1) I should have been cc'd in the first instance,

no you should be in the "To" box
if you are doing work you have better things than spend your day watching random people work.

2) Isn't starting an email chain where you know females will have to be cc'd in / included with the phrase Gents a little rude?

Nobody should be Cc'd in email chains.

If you dont need me to do stuff tell me when you finished.

If you are forwarding a work instruction and ENCLOSING !!! an email chain put me in the "To" box and list exactly whats needed / whats what / etc in the body in below the text which said either Dear AnSolasAll or Hi AnSolas/All
No I am not reading through the various enclosed emails.

LG93 · 07/08/2023 14:09

I think you're being oversensitive on the 'gents' but on the basis that at the time he wrote it, he was only addressing males. Whether or not you should have been included in the original email is a different issue (and obviously if you had been 'gents' wouldn't have been appropriate!)

Original poster
funkymonkey55 · 07/08/2023 14:10

LovePoppy · 07/08/2023 14:05

im more concerned that you were excluded from the beginning

That’s what I’d be bringing up

Good point on reflection.

OP posts:
Orangello · 07/08/2023 14:10

If there were only male colleagues copied in then that would not be an issue. The fact that you were not copied in is an issue though and should be addressed, otherwise you will find other relevant discussions being held behind your back.

Rosebud21 · 07/08/2023 14:11

YADNBU

toastofthetown · 07/08/2023 14:11

My (female) department lead often starts emails to my all female team with ‘Ladies…’. Sometimes they end up being forwarded to other departments who aren’t women.

If you should have been coped in in the first instance then that’s something to deal with, but addressing an email sent to a group of men as ‘Gents’ isn’t an issue to me.

amymel2016 · 07/08/2023 14:12

My DH asked me if it was ok to address a email as ‘Dear Gents’ the other day, I said assuming it’s all males then fine (I often start work emails to all women as Dear Ladies). I didn’t consider women being copied in - sorry if that was him OP! You don’t work in motor manufacturing do you?!

Whattodo112222 · 07/08/2023 14:13

Total non issue.

Original poster
funkymonkey55 · 07/08/2023 14:14

amymel2016 · 07/08/2023 14:12

My DH asked me if it was ok to address a email as ‘Dear Gents’ the other day, I said assuming it’s all males then fine (I often start work emails to all women as Dear Ladies). I didn’t consider women being copied in - sorry if that was him OP! You don’t work in motor manufacturing do you?!

haha I don't but I think it is good your DH checked with you 😁

OP posts:
AnSolas · 07/08/2023 14:18

funkymonkey55 · 07/08/2023 14:05

Information gathering is perhaps dumbing it down a bit, it is getting info to compile for a submission for a trade award we have been nominated for.

Usually it is done as a joint exercise across different departments - hence the initial email he sent, though our department holds the pen on the nomination.

I had done the kick off email in previous years messaging himself and the others in the chain.

Show quote history

Aaaaa....

Mr Gents wants to get the public recognition for the work you do.
And you are now in a high risk work place where the new boss will let him.

EarringsandLipstick · 07/08/2023 14:19

amymel2016 · 07/08/2023 14:12

My DH asked me if it was ok to address a email as ‘Dear Gents’ the other day, I said assuming it’s all males then fine (I often start work emails to all women as Dear Ladies). I didn’t consider women being copied in - sorry if that was him OP! You don’t work in motor manufacturing do you?!

Nether 'Dear Gents' or 'Dear Ladies' is appropriate professional communication.

Dear Colleagues / Team / All / Names.

I can't believe people use this anachronistic language still.

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