I messed up at the weekend. Mental health is in tatters

[enchiladas8]

I’ve been struggling with a few things over the last few weeks and am under a lot of stress. I’ve been snappy and felt really up and down, been crying a lot. I’m under nhs therapy and I am on Sertraline but unsure if it’s even working.

On Saturday me and my boyfriend went for drinks with a big group of friends. We both had a fair amount to drink. I accidentally knocked over a glass in one of the bars, he judgily said “oh [my name]” so, a few cocktails down, I got upset as I thought he’d just laugh like everyone else. He apologised but I couldn’t let it go. He tried to nip it in the bud throughout the night but drunk me wanted to avoid any confrontation.

Before I know it were shouting and screaming at each other outside, where his friends have heard us, and I’m banging my head onto the wall (no one else saw), saying I’m not worth anything, and having a panic attack. I have bashed my head on the wall in the past and it is a problem for me.

My poor boyfriend carried me home and admitted that he thought of ending things with me at that moment, but decided he wanted to help me through it.

We’ve had a long chat and he said, as far as he’s concerned, it’s all over and forgiven and it doesn’t change anything.

Now I’m just completely lost and stuck. I can’t stop thinking about it, I’m so embarrassed. My first step is of course to stop drinking alcohol. I just can’t stop thinking about how he wanted to end things with me, I can’t stop thinking about how awfully I acted, and how bad I got. I just don’t know how to get past it and now I’m paranoid that he’ll realise how awful I am even though he’s saying I’m not.

Where do I go next ☹️ I’m on a therapy waiting list, I can’t afford private and I’m already on meds

@enchiladas8 I've PMd you :)

Alcohol and medication do not go together.

Were you not told that?

Your behaviour was no doubt due to that.

Years ago a male friend behaved very aggressivey for no reason, over reacting to a benign question.

It was very scary.

He then ran off.

Turns out he had started anti depressants a week earlier.

Learn from this and mind yourself.

It's not the end of the world. Everyone has been dicks when they're drunk at some point or another. (Well maybe some saints on MN haven't but all my friends IRL have, especially the ones I've known my whole life, and so have I). Forgive yourself and move on, but if you're self-harming with the head-banging thing, it might be worth exploring with a counsellor why you do that.

PS Didn't see the bit about you taking medication - if it's anti depressants they do NOT mix with alcohol so that would explain a lot.

God some of the first few replies sound like they have zero empathy or understanding for mental health issues.

OP - If you have never experienced an extreme reaction like this I would also definitely question if the meds you are on are right for you - make an appointment to talk with your doctor and tell them what has happened.

Go easy on yourself and get some rest. Stop drinking, at least until you’re in a better place.
Consider this a low point you work back up from.

You sound like my 18 year old who is also going through the exact same as you. Her impulse control is totally gone and emotions heightened when she drinks alcohol and is great that you recognise and are saying you will stop drinking alcohol. I think that will hugely improve things for you. Alcohols a depressant and drinking it when depressed and taking sertraline is far from ideal. Your boyfriend wants to move on and you need to take him at his word and drop it for your own mental wellbeing. You have said sorry so try move on now and concentrate on doing things that will help you until you get help - healthy diet, at least 8 hours sleep, exercise. Keep reaching out and talking.

Even if you have ADHD it is your responsibility to manage your condition, it’s not an excuse. Clearly alcohol does not agree with you so stop drinking. And you don’t have to wait for therapy before starting to implement small changes which can help you - regular sleep, good diet, exercise, time engaging in interests etc can all help you stay emotionally regulated. It isn’t fair on your boyfriend to be dealing with your problems if you aren’t going to help yourself first.

You’ll have a problem with alcohol now, even if you haven’t in the past, because you're taking Sertraline. It doesn’t mix with alcohol and the two combined can actually make MH worse, which is what seems to have happened.

I have adhd - it’s a well known trait we have problems processing emotions and can be more anxious than others. Also what others have said… some of us can be over sensitive to criticism. What I try and teach my kids to do (also have adhd) is identify what of their behaviour could be adhd traits and do strategies to mitigate. Ie I can have trouble regulating my emotions as part of adhd…what are the warning signs I am losing control of emotions, heart beating faster? Feeling of dread or low self worth? Feeling sick..whatever and then when these signs start move away from others to calm down

This is really sneery and unhelpful. She doesn't know if she has ADHD or why this happened and feels awful about it.

You don't seem to have any understanding of or compassion for mental health issues so perhaps you shouldn't comment.

Yeah anti depressants and alcohol are a bad combo, I'd stop drinking if I were you. Maybe also consider therapy to help you with the urge to self harm and feelings of inadequacy etc

I’ve been told by several different nurses at the ADHD clinic plus my consultant that sertraline is a really bad option for ADHD, it’s known to make angry outbursts worse and more frequent. SNRI’s tend to work much better.

I’d really recommend asking your GP about Venlafaxine if you suspect ADHD, it’s been an absolute wonder drug for me and several friends. I hope you get help to make sense of everything soon, mental health is really tricky and there isn’t much help out there for it.

@enchiladas8

It's all going to be ok.
Alcohol heightens your anxiety even hungover your anxiety would be much worse than normal.

You've already identified to stop drinking so best to do that when on sertaline.

It sounds like you've apologised to your boyfriend and he has accepted so as hard as it is to not replay it or re think about the incident really try. When it comes in your head purposefully think of something else or do something to keep you busy.

In the mean time whilst waiting for therapy

• exercise (fresh air)
• walks
• get a hobby (a class ect)

The incident has happened. Your relationship isn't over and it isn't the end of the world. You are addressing the issues with your mental health so please do not be so harsh on yourself.
Ignore the people commenting "good grief" and diagnosing you with ADHD. You are in medication so let it do its job without alcohol.
You've got this ❤️

OP, you're feeling really low and anxious and that's blowing it out of perspective.

You've learned something you can change going forward - no more drinking on the meds.

You should also discuss this with the person who prescribed them to you.

But honestly, try to see it as a blip on your journey to health and understanding.

Good luck xx

You had a row with your boyfriend who probably didn’t cover himself in glory either.

You had strong painful feelings and acted that out (hurting yourself) because you were very pissed and that was probably interacting badly with your meds.

You are engaging in self reflection but stop with the intense self blame. You didn’t hurt anyone else.

You must, must stop drinking. You can do it! And maybe have a chat with the gp and review your meds?

Tea and sympathy from me Give your mind and body time to process this.

You poor thing, I really feel for you. It seems like you have some issues going on that therapy could help you resolve. I understand that feeling of being criticised, most people don’t enjoy that, but it reached another level with you. I would start practicing some meditation, do some walking, dramatically lower/stop with alcohol until you can start therapy. I’ve had therapy in the past and found it life changing, things can get better. Best of luck.

Mostly I absolutely hate when everyone attributes everything to ND on mumsnet.

However, I used to do this, the hitting myself or banging my head against something. I was really embarrassed about it for years and didn’t tell anyone, it was only when I went through my ADHD testing that I was told it’s a form of self harm many women especially with ND engage in. It’s linked to meltdowns and emotional dis-regulation.

I had therpay for a few years through a charity and this helped a lot. I have better coping mechanisms these days and can both spot and regulate myself when a meltdown type thing is happening.

Like a few PPs, this doesn't surprise me. I'm autistic and have ADHD, and it sounds like you had a meltdown.

You made a comment about not being sure if the SSRI is working - they don't work on ADHD brains because they target serotonin but (if you do have ADHD), your issue is a dopamine deficiency. ND in women is often misdiagnosed for years; my diagnostic report actually says "has a history of mental health diagnoses consistent with untreated ADHD".

Look up RSD - Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. It's really common in ADHDers, i have it and it's awful. The smallest slight or rejection (even if it's only perceived to be a criticism) triggers feelings of despair, humiliation and worthlessness.

You need to stop drinking alcohol - completely and forever.
Taking pharmaceutical mood-altering drugs won't solve your life problems, choices or behaviour.
Take responsibility for yourself. Alcohol and pills are a crutch and they will just make you worse.

This is interesting. I do this when I'm distressed, always have. Also have a child with autism. Something for me to think about.

Anyway OP , chalk this one up to experience and don't get drunk again. I drink rarely but I'm still torturing myself by imagining things I said or did last time (even though I was fine by all accounts). I also am on sertraline. Alcohol is really harmful to my mental health.

It’s so strange, I’ve never had a problem with alcohol.

It’s not strange - you’ve started sertraline. I’m not sure on the official line, but lots of people can’t drink on sertraline. Bad reactions.

I think you need a hand hold at the moment. It was an unfortunate incident, but you seem to have good self awareness. You have stated that usually you don’t drink much, so I am uncertain why people are focussing on that, though is true anti depressants might exacerbate the effects of alcohol and could be dangerous. I wish you well and please don’t continue to beat yourself up. Take care

It’s a pretty reasonable post tbh, I think people are being extremely kind to the op. Imagine if it was the other way round and it was ‘I went on a date with a man who has mental health issues and has just started taking anti depressants. He got extremely drunk to the point where he was knocking over drinks, started an argument despite me apologising and trying to move on, and then got aggressive and started smashing his own face against a wall, which he’s been known to do multiple times before’. She’d have 5 pages of comments from people telling her to run for the fucking hills, that his depression isn’t an excuse for his violent and scary behaviour and he needs to take responsibility for himself.
Hopefully the op sticks to the advice given and stops drinking when taking this medication.

Wondered this too.

Your extreme reaction to a minor criticism could be rejection sensitive dysphoria. The head banging a meltdown.

@enchiladas8 I've done this! On an antidepressant not long on it and a night out drinking. Disaster. They say don't drink alcohol for a reason. Things will get better though.
And one day this will just be a memory that you barely think about.
The problem with the medication is they are fantastic and life changing, however it's a process to find the right kind and dose. It took me a long time and now citalopram is my miracle.
I was on and off medication because I wasn't giving it long enough to work without thinking no point to this. Minimum of 3 months before there could be a change.