Office downstairs making me really uncomfortable

[Officeprobs]

I moved into a new office two months ago. There are only three offices in the building and one company has two rooms downstairs whilst I have the office upstairs, and then there is a small office a corridor down from me. It’s within my budget compared to anything else I have seen and just really lovely. However, I introduced myself to the downstairs office just to say hi and to ask them for the toilet codes. The guy seemed nice. But there is another man who refuses to acknowledge any of me or the women who work in my office.

On Monday, I was waiting to be picked up outside with two of my colleagues. We weren’t talking loudly and were just standing. As the man approached one colleague said hello, he swerved her ignoring her, and went inside.

Today again I was outside about to leave standing on the corner outside of the building, he swang round the corner and nearly hit me, and as approaching didn’t slow until the last minute when I quickly stood out of the way.

I didn’t know what to do so just said ‘that was close’, he looked straight at me, and walked past.

I’m trying to keep myself to myself but it’s only a small building so it’s impossible not to see him at least once a day - ie: when leaving at the end of the day or nipping out to grab lunch.

They've just left as I stay until six, and I heard him locking the entrance despite knowing I am still here (luckily I have my own set of keys).

It’s just feeling very hostile and I don’t know what to do or what he’s thinking of us. We are quiet and respectful, polite and we do not bother them. I ensure we continue this way because I love the office!

Any advice?

I get it @Officeprobs I once taught an undergrad that a colleague warned me never to be alone with. My [male] colleague had had a personal (advisory) tutorial with him in which this undergrad had ranted about women in violent & hateful ways. The student was older & clearly mentally disturbed.

I can also remember a man sitting next to me on the bus who started to aim random comments at me. It wasn't a conversation as such. Just comments out loud, with his face turned to me. I was reading a book and didn't respond as he was rude & weird. So his stream of random comments became a stream of hateful invective against women who wouldn't talk to him.

These kinds of men are scary. And there are more of them about than we like to admit. We minimise our fears of them because it makes us look like the weird ones.

But someone in your office building who chats to the men and acts as if the women just don't exist. Driving at you - he just pretended you were not there. He is choosing to act as though you don't exist.

(I think the locking of the door is a different thing - at my place of employment we have guidelines re lone working & that would be one of them - secure the building if you're alone in it)

That is weird behaviour (it reminds me of the phenomenon of "manslamming"in the street). But don't let him cow you. If the behaviour, such as driving straight at you, persists, and he endangers you again, raise it with the office management.

And talk to your other female colleagues. Get a sense of their experiences. You may be able to do something collectively. Keep a diary of events as well. Note date, time, and a brief description of the dangerous activity.

It might be nothing, in which case you can laugh at yourself. But it may be the pattern of behaviour of a woman-hating man.

Are you used to men trying to run you over?

There was a thread here yesterday where poster were saying that men saying hello while out walking was intimidation, now a man not saying hello is getting it wrong too. Just because a woman feels a certain way it doesn't mean every single woman has to fawn over them with u ok hun

Since when is expecting someone to have basic manners and acknowledge they’ve just almost
hit someone with their car, fawning? The pick me vibes are so strong.

No op, it’s not ridiculous to think when you’re working with an adult they should have basic social skills and manners to at least acknowledge someone is speaking to them. I would say I’m astounded but given how many utter rude arseholes you encounter on a daily basis, I’m not. Someone has to be breeding them.

Locking the door would likely be something to refer to your lease / building management about. Unless the doors lead straight into their office rather than a corridor / reception, it seems unnecessary as their office rooms should be locked and could breech fire regs depending. Smart locks are so much better for these type of building.

I’m sorry you’re getting a few responses on here OP which seem depressingly regular on MN, where people use an initial misunderstanding of what has been written ( it happens, it is the internet after all!) and then use this to undermine you and detract from the issue raised. It is petty and nasty, I hope you can ignore it.
On the issue itself, I can see how this could make you uncomfortable, but the problem is his, not yours. As others have said, it may well have nothing to do with you, some people are just unfriendly. I hope it gets better for you soon.

She doesn't work with this person though. She has no reason whatsoever to demand interaction with him.

I wonder what his side of this would be. New people in the building always standing around in the way, stared me out while I was trying to park the car standing in the way, looking me dead in the eyes and didn't move out of the way until the last minute, where did she expect me to go? Then she stood around waiting for me to get out of the car and approach the building so she could make a sarcastic comment to me before finally leaving. Why didn't she just move out of the way and go home in the first place?

The same woman and her workmates stand in front of the door talking forcing me to swerve them then expect me to be lovely and polite to them when they are purposely blocking the way? Aibu to think that they are trying to bully and intimidate me? I can't think of another reason why it seems like everytime I come to the office or leave there they are standing around forcing me to swerve and swing around while pretending that butter wouldn't melt with their hi's and sarcastic comments?

He might be shy with women or has reasons to avoid new people in his vicinity which could be anything not necessarily you

Are they working together for the same company? It didn’t sound like that to me.

I moved into a new office two months ago. There are only three offices in the building and one company has two rooms downstairs whilst I have the office upstairs, and then there is a small office a corridor down from me. It’s within my budget compared to anything else I have seen and just really lovely.

How did this guy try to run op over? If she had to "move out of the way", she was clearly standing somewhere she shouldn't have been.
Unless he actually mounted the footpath in his attempt to mow her down?

None of these innocent explanations for this guy acting as he does accounts for him almost driving into the op. Unless she’s exaggerating massively or she leapt into his way, that is something that is concerning. I can’t imagine how, in a car park where you should be driving slowly in anticipation of people walking or standing around, you can almost hit somebody. He’s either at fault or the car park needs safety measures like mirrors.

I have no idea if the op is right to be bothered about the rest of it - there’s not enough to go on here - but I’m surprised so many posters think the op is overreacting after this bloke almost barrelled into her in the office car park.

It was clear to me, OP.

Is he of a religion where fraternizing with women is forbidden?

Maybe he's an incel who hates all women?

I would probably invite the other guy for a cup of coffee off-site and ask him wth is going on.

I think he sounds rude and arrogant. Odd to see so many others excusing his lack of basic manners.
I’d try and have a quiet word with his colleague to see if this is his usual manner. And I don’t think you are being unreasonable.

It just sounds like he has no interest in swapping pleasantries or making smalltalk with anyone outside of his office. You aren't colleagues. You don't have to work with him. Stop wasting your own time thinking about him.

Incel weirdo

Your spidey senses are telling you he hates women

LISTEN to them and stay the fuck out his way - don't talk or make eye contact with him - and tell someone else

I would avoid him, and don't stay late if he is there.

Lots of posters minimising his very rude and peculiar behaviour..🤔

Looks like internalised misogyny to me.

Can I ask (in the non snarkiest way) what does this guy, who the OP shares a building with, owe her?

He’s literally some random guy that works in proximity to the OP. Not a coworker, not an aquaintance, not anyone to the OP. How are you coming up with creepy, misogynistic, weird, rude, arrogant, threatening, and all the other things he’s been called in this thread? He’s literally never said a word to her and appears to be actively avoiding her.

Why must he be friendly or kind to the OP?

Bet you he's one of those men that walk towards women and expect them to move. OP trust your instincts.

Your instincts say he's 'off'. Might be nothing more than social awkwardness on his part, but obviously you must listen to your instincts. Just avoid him - if you get chatting to his colleague one day you might get to the bottom of it, but in the meantime, avoid.

But he wasn’t in his car was he?
“Today again I was outside about to leave standing on the corner outside of the building, he swang round the corner and nearly hit me, and as approaching didn’t slow until the last minute when I quickly stood out of the way.

I didn’t know what to do so just said ‘that was close’, he looked straight at me, and walked past.”
And.
It’s swung…

It’s baffling, isn’t it? He has no more relationship to op than someone who happens to catch the same bus every morning,

He doesn’t sound very friendly, and I get that he probably makes you feel uncomfortable, but if you’re in separate offices then you don’t really have to interact with him much.

I completely agree, I’m glad I’m not the only one that is finding all the later replies odd.

It’s like saying ‘I live in a block of flats and another resident never says morning’ what does it really matter.

The insults that have been banded at this guy are MN at its worst. As soon as the see the ‘trust your gut’ brigade turn up I know how it’ll go.

Plus all the histrionics about her ‘running her over’ it sounds like she was walking/waiting in the road on a corner.

Sometime people, women included don’t want to be chatty with everyone. I’m sure random people from other companies in our shared building no might think I’m rude, but I don’t say hi to ransoms in the lift.

Ignore the idiots on here OP.

Don't dare apologise to him or even acknowledge him ever again.

He's intending to intimidate you all and it's working.

If someone, technically, tried to run me over my reply wouldn't be as polite as yours.

The lengths people are going to blame OP! Olympic level jumping to conclusions. He sounds like an absolute creep. You could try blanking him entirely or be over the top nice to him. That really pisses off people when they're trying to be arseholes!