Office downstairs making me really uncomfortable

[Officeprobs]

I moved into a new office two months ago. There are only three offices in the building and one company has two rooms downstairs whilst I have the office upstairs, and then there is a small office a corridor down from me. It’s within my budget compared to anything else I have seen and just really lovely. However, I introduced myself to the downstairs office just to say hi and to ask them for the toilet codes. The guy seemed nice. But there is another man who refuses to acknowledge any of me or the women who work in my office.

On Monday, I was waiting to be picked up outside with two of my colleagues. We weren’t talking loudly and were just standing. As the man approached one colleague said hello, he swerved her ignoring her, and went inside.

Today again I was outside about to leave standing on the corner outside of the building, he swang round the corner and nearly hit me, and as approaching didn’t slow until the last minute when I quickly stood out of the way.

I didn’t know what to do so just said ‘that was close’, he looked straight at me, and walked past.

I’m trying to keep myself to myself but it’s only a small building so it’s impossible not to see him at least once a day - ie: when leaving at the end of the day or nipping out to grab lunch.

They've just left as I stay until six, and I heard him locking the entrance despite knowing I am still here (luckily I have my own set of keys).

It’s just feeling very hostile and I don’t know what to do or what he’s thinking of us. We are quiet and respectful, polite and we do not bother them. I ensure we continue this way because I love the office!

Any advice?

I'm unclear on something - are they working for the same company as you, or is this rented office space? If it's rented office space and he is in another office/company just blank him or call him out on it immediately. If he's in the same company as you I'm monitor over time, if you don't have to work with him then doesn't really matter, if you do need to work with him then I'd meet with him and ask him in a professional way if you have offended him and as you need to be productive together you'd like to discuss.

However, locking the door for you seems sensible to be honest. I'd prefer that!

The replies on here are nuts

Woman feels intimidated by a man

Woman is wrong.

I think you're just going to have to give him the same treatment. Blank him like he blanks you.
If you ever speak to his colleagues you could possibly ask if you've offended unwittingly

Is it a problem that he locked you in? Do you all have keys?

He sounds odious. Just avoid and ignore.

I’d do one of two things. Completely ignore him and act as though he isn’t there.
Or the complete opposite make a point of saying hello every time I saw him. Just to make a point. Not sure which I’d be doing without being in the situation but he sounds like a misogynistic prick.

"Trust your gut" also translates of "follow the judgement you have already made of this guy without knowing anything else"

Some people just aren't people people. I've worked in buildings with people like this, it really isn't a big deal.

Maybe he wanted to lease the upstairs office but was told that you had got there first and is disgruntled/ trying to intimidate you out?

OP ignore the posters being arses for the thrill of it.

As a minimum he’s socially awkward, but more likely your gut is correct and he’s deliberately hostile. Who knows why, but im
sorry it’s happening.

Ignore him FFS nothing is happening here.
Also it's swung not swang. Jesus.

Crikey, talk about invalidation!

He sounds like a very unpleasant person and actually I disagree that people don’t owe others politeness. Because it spreads. If someone acts like that with me I start thinking others are going to be rude so I feel uncomfortable for a while and start thinking that other people are unfriendly. I have to really make the effort to not let of affect me and pass it on to everyone else I meet.

But I wouldn’t take it personally - he’s no doubt like it with everyone

Most of the posters here seem to have similar personalities to him…

I'm not saying woman is wrong. But someone ignoring her is not the same as someone being intimidating.

I’d always assume they’re just antisocial not anything dramatic like they’re dangerous- plus there’s always the men who act like women are an alien species. Not easy to be around unfortunately

Urgh stop this ‘us’ vs op rhetoric.

Stop minimising his behaviour.

OP, ignore the minimisers, this forum gets lots of incel types.

Trust your instincts, lock your office and try bot to be alone with him.

Because this is MN? 😉

Can you ask one of his colleagues if there is a problem? I too would feel very uncomfortable although it wasn't really clear from your op that he was driving but now I know that I would definitely feel intimidated. Could you arrange with your colleagues to come into and out of work together, safety in numbers and all that. Not that you should have to but I don't think confronting him would be helpful.

Swang, swung, it’s MN not an English exam.

thank you to those who have given genuine advice, whether it’s that he’s just keeping him to himself or that there is an issue.

there are a lot being deliberately pedantic and spiteful on here so leaving this thread now

thank you

Could there be a racist element?

The driving thing and the locking in you in is definitely intimidation tactic

When there's a "Have you ever had a gut feeling about someone" thread, the general consensus tends to be to not ignore it.

There was a thread here yesterday where poster were saying that men saying hello while out walking was intimidation, now a man not saying hello is getting it wrong too. Just because a woman feels a certain way it doesn't mean every single woman has to fawn over them with u ok huns. Some people don't like idle chit chat, don't want to be friends, don't see the point in hellos every time you see someone standing around, it hardly makes someone dangerous.

He reminds me of a weirdo I once worked with. She stopped speaking to me for no obvious reason (she had 'previous' for doing this). It was a PITA. She worked in the same office. I tried to say hi at least but she either grunted or blanked me, It takes a lot of effort not to speak to someone, I discovered!

She would arrive in the carpark around the same time as me and would wait until I got out of my car and walked in, or if I was just driving in, she would scuttle off as if the hounds of hell were after her.

One day I left the carpark first. I was in my office and sitting on my seat when she burst into the room incandescent, accusing me of closing the door in her face - she wasn't in sight when I closed the door.

Another day - similar to your experience @Officeprobs - I was crossing at the open gates when she approached in her car and she sped up when she saw me. I had to run. It was frightening - she was totally unhinged! I got in my car, and pulled in directly in front of her, while she refused to look and stayed steadfastly in it!! I just wanted to let her know that I knew what she had just done had been deliberate.

I didn't report it because I was afraid managers would think it was me who was off their trolley - although at the same time everyone knew she was a very strange person.

A couple of years later, I moved jobs and haven't seen her since but I hear that she turned her attention onto other staff, again blanking them for no reason, including one she had got friendly with and even been to her house!

There's just some people like that and it's not worth wasting any of your time or energy on them. I think from some of the comments, there may be a few of them on your thread!!

Agree, ignore the dismissive replies on here. Some people love to get a reaction, usually because their own lives are shit. Probably just like the guy you are talking about. He sounds like a woman hating creep, given he's doing this to other women in your office too. You are right to be cautious. I wouldn't address this with him at all. Just stay out of his way as much as possible. Put some basic safety measures in place (e.g. make sure no one is left alone in the office without a key), hopefully there is CCTV in/outside the building.

The locking up when you were the only person left in the building is generally deemed good practice for lone workers, as the alternative is you potentially coming out to find randoms ransacking downstairs, taking drugs or knowing that there's a lone woman inside - DP has experienced the first two when working in shared buildings.

Being an aggressive 'you should get out of the way' driver isn't great. but there are plenty of those of both sexes. Although why you'd be standing in the road rather than on the pavement is beyond me - that's the point of pavements and roads; people on the first and vehicles on the second.

Not stopping to chat/acknowledge people could be deafness, neurodiversity, shyness or just not being a people person.

I don't think you're about to be murdered whilst working on a spreadsheet.

She had her own key… it’s sensible that he locked it. I’d even hazard a guess that he didn’t even think about her at all while locking the door.

I think this comes down to people who don’t assume malice in others as a default and those who do. Sadly the 2 sides will rarely come to the same conclusion on intent.

For instance I don’t read anything in the OPs description of events that would warrant concern. There are others that have the opposite opinion. Since none of us are this man then we’ll never know.

She gets a bad feeling from him, he doesn't acknowledge her or the other person even when spine directly at him.
Didn't slow down until the last minute when she was a pedestrian and he, in a car -then glared at her.
Locked her in (do you know he knew if she had a key or not? Cause I don't know if he knew that)

I think people who have had things done to them before are maybe more aware of it.

The responses you are getting mirror what I'm having at work. It's obvious when someone is ignoring you for the sake of ignoring you. I've got that at work, and we're a small team and meant to work with everyone closely. Someone who I'm meant to work fairly closely with, will come in and say "hello" to the other three people in the office by name. Even if I say "hello" she doesn't respond. If there's someone she wants to impress she'll say a single "hello" and look directly at the others. An there's an odd one or two that she really wants to impress and then she'll go all sugary sweet on me.
She's similar with a few others, over gooey on those she wants to impress and neutral for most.
She's also doing various things to make my job harder, or little annoying things (think along the lines of pins on my chair, messages for me disappearing, things I've done being damaged...) and undermining me whenever she can get away with it.
If I ask (general ask not specifically her) for something to be done/not to be done then she will suddenly start doing the opposite having never done it before.
It's obvious but the reaction you're getting here is exactly what I get when I have raised it.
"I'm sure it isn't deliberate" "she just didn't see you" "it must have been an accident" "she wouldn't do that on purpose" "maybe she's having a bad day" "I expect she thought she was being helpful" "she's just doing it for the good of everyone..."
In which case she's been having "accidents" "not seeing me" "having a bad day" etc for two years.

Well it may seem small. It may seem like I'm paranoid and over analysing everything but I've just sat in a car park wondering whether I could get up enough speed to kill myself if I crashed the car into the trees on the far side. Reason why I'm hone is I concluded I couldn't and injuring myself would be worse as I'd have to deal with it afterwards.
It's death by 1000 cuts.