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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Office downstairs making me really uncomfortable

180 replies

Officeprobs · 04/08/2023 17:28

I moved into a new office two months ago. There are only three offices in the building and one company has two rooms downstairs whilst I have the office upstairs, and then there is a small office a corridor down from me. It’s within my budget compared to anything else I have seen and just really lovely. However, I introduced myself to the downstairs office just to say hi and to ask them for the toilet codes. The guy seemed nice. But there is another man who refuses to acknowledge any of me or the women who work in my office.

On Monday, I was waiting to be picked up outside with two of my colleagues. We weren’t talking loudly and were just standing. As the man approached one colleague said hello, he swerved her ignoring her, and went inside.

Today again I was outside about to leave standing on the corner outside of the building, he swang round the corner and nearly hit me, and as approaching didn’t slow until the last minute when I quickly stood out of the way.

I didn’t know what to do so just said ‘that was close’, he looked straight at me, and walked past.

I’m trying to keep myself to myself but it’s only a small building so it’s impossible not to see him at least once a day - ie: when leaving at the end of the day or nipping out to grab lunch.

They've just left as I stay until six, and I heard him locking the entrance despite knowing I am still here (luckily I have my own set of keys).

It’s just feeling very hostile and I don’t know what to do or what he’s thinking of us. We are quiet and respectful, polite and we do not bother them. I ensure we continue this way because I love the office!

Any advice?

OP posts:
Lachimolala · 04/08/2023 17:59

His behaviour would intimidate me quite a lot actually. I wouldn’t be bothered about if I’ve upset him him though, he sounds ridiculously immature and quite aggressive. I would keep an eye on things and keep a note of ‘incidents’ so to speak. If it gets worse speak to the landlord.

The petty spaghetti in me would want to call him out eg ‘you saw me yet nearly hit me with your car, be careful’ but you don’t know if that will make him angrier. So probably best not to.

azlazee1 · 04/08/2023 17:59

Personally I think he sounds dangerous. I would stay out of his way and ignore him if our paths crossed.

RattleRattle · 04/08/2023 17:59

This reply has been deleted

This user is a goady troll so we've removed their posts.

JudgeRudy · 04/08/2023 18:06

I doubt you've done anything 'wrong' other than disruption routine. Has the office been empty for a bit. He doesn't want to be friendly towards you. That's fine provided he's not deliberately rude or antagonistic. Your 'discomfort' doesn't trump his right to not engage with you.
I bet if you speak to his colleagues...so, hey friendly man, have I done anything to upset aloof man?....I bet the response will be a chuckle and 'Oh don't mind Dave. He can be a bit off sometimes'.
Move on and echo him....ignore

SadieOlsen · 04/08/2023 18:06

He does not owe you good manners or acknowledgement. Good manners are slipping away in society very quickly anyway, so if you expect it, you will be disappointed. It can't be personal against you because he doesn't know you!

Collie86 · 04/08/2023 18:07

@RattleRattle my older brother does that sh** too and he's horrible. Multiple times married/divorced too!!! eghh

bringmorewashing · 04/08/2023 18:07

I’m surprised PP don’t think this sounds at least a little odd. Of course he doesn’t have to make an effort to be super friendly to you, but this sounds really awkward, at best. If you get the feeling he’s being hostile or has some sort of problem with you I would pay attention to that.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 04/08/2023 18:08

If you haven't done anything to upset him... no need to apologise.

It looks as if he just doesn't want contact and perhaps hasn't been socialised to do the polite things that make the world go around for most people.

If you aren't afraid of him - just ignore him and carry on.

The locking of the door sounds a good thing (safer for you).

Don't get in a car that he is driving and don't park near him.

Bansheed · 04/08/2023 18:10

I get it. He feels threatening to you. But I don't get the office set up? Have ypu privately rented it?

IMustDoMoreExercise · 04/08/2023 18:11

Officeprobs · 04/08/2023 17:49

@saltinesandcoffeecups no of course not. I do feel he was trying to intimidate me

Does he speak to his female colleagues or just his male ones?

I would just start ignoring him too. If he ignores you, just ignore him and stop thinking about him.

If you don't think he is going to do anything to you then there is nothing to worry about.

Yuasa · 04/08/2023 18:11

I agree with contacting the landlord or building manager about the car park incident. If there are tenants driving dangerously perhaps some signage or communications about what is expected is needed. It’s also important to log in case there is a pattern of behaviour.

As for keys and locking up, worth speaking to the other company in the building or the landlord about what the protocols are.

Sycasmores · 04/08/2023 18:14

Nope not remotely normal behaviour and we do owe people politeness if we want a civilised society. Trust your gut!

Datafan55 · 04/08/2023 18:15

I'm all for avoiding banal chit-chat with ever-rotating colleagues in offices, but he really does sound rude.
I would be asking myself all the time what I had done, too (as some of us would) - it takes up headspace.
A few good manners costs nothing and such a distinct lack of shouldn't be excused.

Any sort of danger? - I'm not sure.

Are there men in your office? - eg newbies v blanking women whilst treating men differently?

Lostinplaces · 04/08/2023 18:16

Some people in the world are not nice. Ignore him. Pretend he doesn’t exist especially as that’s exactly what he’s doing to you.

porridgeisbae · 04/08/2023 18:18

I agree with you OP, he sounds aggressive. At its current level, it's annoying and creepy.

Just steer clear as much as you can x

FuppingEll · 04/08/2023 18:21

If I were you I would stop standing in the way in car park, just leave, you were standing there in the way long enough for him to park the car, exit the car and wak past you. There is no reason to loiter around causing an obstruction, then hanging around waiting for him to walk by. I would stop trying to force someone who doesn't want to talk to me to talk to me just because I feel awkward.

On Monday, I was waiting to be picked up outside with two of my colleagues. We weren’t talking loudly and were just standing.
Thing like this show that you are making up a whole narrative in your head. Why would you comment that you weren't talking loudly? What has that got to do with him walking past you? He didn't admonish you, he didn't show any annoyance at you at all, he literally just walked into his place of work.He swerved her what do you mean? He didn't walk straight through her, of course he walked around her but the fact that he has to swerve her at all shows that she was standing in the way. Maybe take care in future not to block the entrance or stand in the way in the car park, it can be mildly irritating when people don't seem to recognise the presence of others and just stand around getting in everyones way.

electriclight · 04/08/2023 18:23

Have you done anything to him? You say that you haven't, so this isn't about you or within your control.

Either he's like this with everyone or he has taken an irrational dislike for private reasons - he overheard a conversation he didn't like, you remind him of someone he hates, whatever.

You don't work with him so just avoid.

porridgeisbae · 04/08/2023 18:23

never said he was walking - I said he swang round which I thought made it obvious it was a car?

Ugh, that's even worse. Sad

Why were you in the bloody way in the first place?

@Hannahsbananas I assume she wasn't really, he deliberately aimed at her before swerving away at the last minute. Some people get a great laugh out of freaking out other people like that. I haven't had it from cars thankfully, but quite a lot of men on bikes and electric scooters do it because frightening people amuses them.

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 04/08/2023 18:24

He sounds unpleasant and aggressive. Stay away from him as much as possible , don't bother to engage with him unless absolutely necessary. He'll hate that you couldn't care less about him.

XelaM · 04/08/2023 18:25

Can you ask him directly if you've done anything to upset him? Or alternatively, ask his friendlier colleague if there is a problem

Andylion · 04/08/2023 18:26

Officeprobs · 04/08/2023 17:46

@Giveover80 i was responding to the person who used a laughing emoji and called it ridiculous.

if no one finds it concerning that’s fine. I asked for advice and I’m happy to receive different thoughts

I think he sounds like a sick, OP. I would ignore him unless he walks right into you. Then I would ask call him on it. Not sure what I would say, though. Maybe, “did you not see me?”

TumbleweedRolling · 04/08/2023 18:27

Are you used to men fall at your feet?
This a very strange thread, he just keeps to himself, nothing wrong wit that.

hot2trotter · 04/08/2023 18:30

Sounds like a nutcase. Avoid.

Andylion · 04/08/2023 18:30

Agh! A dick! He sounds like a dick. Not a sick. I am a shitty typist.

Aavalon57 · 04/08/2023 18:33

What is your gut feeling and that of your colleagues? What vibes do you get off him? Maybe he's pissed off that someone has taken the upstairs office. Maybe he hates women or is trying to be intimidating because you are a group of women. What are his colleagues like? I would suggest ignoring him; if your paths cross, just a cursory nod of the head. Don't let him know he's getting to you and certainly don't apologise.