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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have you ever been ‘outed’ on Mumsnet

160 replies

Thebigblueballoon · 04/08/2023 15:12

There are so many threads now where people feel they might be ‘outed’.
Have you ever recognised somebody or been recognised on Mumsnet?

OP posts:
aeaeae · 04/08/2023 23:35

I recognised someone and then they posted on a thread where people were divulging secrets they couldn’t tell irl!

PrincessFiorimonde · 04/08/2023 23:53

No (as far as I know), though a couple of times some years back I started threads which gave too much personal information. I thought better afterwards and asked MNHQ to delete, which they kindly did on both occasions.

I've never recognised anyone in real life from MN either. I'd make a rubbish detective.

Imissivillage · 04/08/2023 23:55

This type of thing is what scares me about posting. I have a really big issue I would like to get others opinions on but it's too specific and XHOW might be on here.

meridian37 · 05/08/2023 00:26

Spotted my partner once in the Sex board

Have never told them

RobertaFirmino · 05/08/2023 00:37

I suspect I could be identified very easily. I don't actually mind, I don't say anything online that I wouldn't say in RL. Also, I'm v. boring.

nildesparandum · 05/08/2023 00:46

Yes once. Caused a permanent rift between the other person involved in the situation, I still feel bad about what I posted on here many years later.
I name changed immediately and stayed away from MN for a long time.
I learned my lesson the hard way and am much more careful now.Althugh I still blame myself entirely, I do not know how I would re act towards the person who outed me.I am not sure if the person I fell out with is a member of MN but the one who outed me certainly is, and seemed to waste no time spilling the beans.

L1ttledrummergirl · 05/08/2023 01:04

I spotted a friend on here once and dropped them a message just to let them know. I gave their initials and gently suggested it might be wise to name change. I left the thread just in case and made a conscious effort to forget. I couldn't say which friend it was now, or how I recognised them.

IHateLegDay · 05/08/2023 01:09

I think I possibly have been once.
I started a thread about an annoying neighbour who kept parking their huge van in front of my house and then would leave it for 6-7 days.
This was a regular occurrence and she'd always park it on a Tuesday.
About an hour after I started the thread, the van was moved (it'd only been there for half the day) and she's never parked in front of my house again.

NortieTortie · 05/08/2023 01:11

Never. I change up some details regularly though. Number of kids, age, sex etc. If I need specifics I make a throwaway. That way at least if you're recognised there's only the one post. Not an entire history.

nalabae · 05/08/2023 02:09

No but in my uni days, an ex friend thought I posted on some site I never heard of about her, wasn't me. Read the post, could have been me but some details were off she made everyone fall out with me over it and she was wrong lol
Didn't really like her anyway

nalabae · 05/08/2023 02:14

2018SoFarSoGreat · 04/08/2023 21:48

I have been outed on here. During the worst time of my life, my lovely cousin (who I had not talked to in decades) recognized me and provided tremendous support over the next few weeks. It was an incredible gift that she had the courage to reach out and I'm eternally grateful.

I was also stalked and doxed here and on Reddit and Tattle, during that same horrendous time. It is amazing the lengths people will go to, in order to see if you are real or a troll. Posting pictures of me at work, trolling all of my past posts and user names (they connected them), picking apart every single post I'd made in the many years I've been here. Posting on funeral notice and picking apart the wording, stalking my Facebook and LinkedIn. Such hard work to kick someone when they are at their lowest.

I've not posted here for months now, but finally came to realize that the support I've found here is more precious than the vile outpouring from those people.

This is actually creepy and stalking... Imagine they tried to shame you when it really showed how much of a creep they are

MexterDorgan · 05/08/2023 02:21

Thanks for the NC reminder Wink

Spinewars23 · 05/08/2023 02:23

Oh I hope so.

A year ago I could get myself up off the floor, now I don’t know.

haven’t sat down in a bath until late 2022 but appreciate that doesn’t mean anything.?

FannyJoan · 05/08/2023 02:27

I think I recognise an old friend on here ...she doesn't change her username ever and the things she posts are written in a strong very familiar voice and her opinions seem to match up as well.

I name change alot, have even told my family one of my past usernames and this current username is really easy to guess who I am if you are close to me.

Dearly89 · 05/08/2023 02:32

I found my mum's post saying she regretted having children and she knew my boyfriend's dad wasn't his real dad. Fun!

NaselHazel · 05/08/2023 03:06

Yes. Years ago I recognised a good friend due to some very specific health and local town details that made me 90% sure it was her. When I searched her user name to make 100% sure, because I was going to warn her that I recognised her, I found her posting in Relationships about an affair she was having with her ex and her DH discovering all about it. Decided I’d better not say anything afterall.

She’s name changed on her own accord and apparently patched things up with her DH. She posts photos on Facebook of them with their DCs and blissful marriage. I’ve kept schtum.

I’ve name changed recently and a lot over the years. I’ve also been careful about details, but I’ve got quite a distinctive job and ethnicity that I’ve mentioned, so it’s possible someone spotted me.

MinnieTruck · 05/08/2023 03:27

2018SoFarSoGreat · 04/08/2023 21:48

I have been outed on here. During the worst time of my life, my lovely cousin (who I had not talked to in decades) recognized me and provided tremendous support over the next few weeks. It was an incredible gift that she had the courage to reach out and I'm eternally grateful.

I was also stalked and doxed here and on Reddit and Tattle, during that same horrendous time. It is amazing the lengths people will go to, in order to see if you are real or a troll. Posting pictures of me at work, trolling all of my past posts and user names (they connected them), picking apart every single post I'd made in the many years I've been here. Posting on funeral notice and picking apart the wording, stalking my Facebook and LinkedIn. Such hard work to kick someone when they are at their lowest.

I've not posted here for months now, but finally came to realize that the support I've found here is more precious than the vile outpouring from those people.

Wow that’s awful, I’m so sorry that happened. How do people manage to doxx you over the internet when you don’t have personal information available?! I’ve never understood that but it’s really scary when you think of it

FromTheDepths · 05/08/2023 04:05

@MinnieTruck I've always been quite open - nothing to hide - and that gave them all the ammunition needed. I can only say it was what I believe we're a handful of cruel people, among so many caring and lovely strangers here. They held me up when my body could not.

ThingsWithEyes · 05/08/2023 04:39

Not been spotted to my knowledge. Posted about very specific problems on a couple of niche subcategories. In fact, I had written in too great detail and so got very few replies as I think I bored people.
If this is the only place people can get support, then it's sad they fear being outed.

DrSbaitso · 05/08/2023 05:59

I've seen a few posters sharing things that make them sound exactly like me, but they're not. Made me wonder if someone would think they were me.

Theseventhmagpie · 05/08/2023 07:00

I’ve only been on the site a few months and thought I knew who someone was and up they pop on the very first page of this thread saying they’ve been recognised. Pretty certain I know who they are and it is indeed a small world. I’ll be more circumspect about what I post as I have no desire to be recognised.

overdalexx · 05/08/2023 08:41

user2468101214 · 04/08/2023 19:18

This thread has made me mega paranoid...

I made a thread once about a breakup so bloody obvious (did name change, no point though really!) I still think about it sometimes, anyone would have known it was me.

Big regret!

I had the idea that MNHQ was happy to delete posts or even entire threads you started if you later regretted for good personal reasons. I have seen threads taken down with a statement that they had done this at the request of the OP. Have you asked them?

ADHDDDDDDDBOOM · 05/08/2023 09:05

veryberrypericherry · 04/08/2023 15:35

And just changed my username again!

Sometimes I see threads and think 'oooh is this a trap?' So if I answer truthfully to the thread someone will know it's me!

Like when a local area one comes up, a work area one and something about kids like mine I think hmmm is someone fishing to try and catch me!

I know, I know! I'm not paranoid in other ways, honestly!

ME TOO!!

I thought that was just me!!

ADHDDDDDDDBOOM · 05/08/2023 09:13

FWIW I have absolutely no doubt that people recognise me on here.
I post as though they do, and when I want something to be totally private, I name change.

But I never announce that I have name changed for that reason. I don't really understand why people feel the need to announce that tbh 🤷🏼‍♀️

Blackcloids · 05/08/2023 11:41

I've posted about my son being poorly previously but not trying to be anonymous, just to get that reach that Mumsnet has. I've also chipped in on a few CF threads but don't really worry too much. I do name change a fair bit for specific threads I create but I don't "think" I'd mind if someone knew. I couple of friends are a bit twitchy if I mention Mumsnet so they're on here for sure !!