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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to empty the joint account?

144 replies

ChilliNoodleGoodness · 04/08/2023 12:43

Shortened version of what is happening. Been with DP for 7 years, 3 kids. Joint mortgage on home, joint savings, majority (80%) belonging to me from an inheritance.

DP has regularly over the last 2 years decided to leave for various reasons including

I am boring (I work part time, parent 3 young children, also "parent" my siblings as our parents tragically died last year)

I am always nagging him (he likes to spend his days off in the pub, going for pub meals, playing snooker instead of picking our children up from my grandparents to save them babysitting)

He usually leaves for about 4 or 5 days then comes back apologising. This time I have had enough.

I have found out he has been spending time with his ex, I hit the roof and am apparently out of order for giving him shit about it.

He came to the house yesterday whilst I was in work, took the money from my purse, tv's from the house, and walked mud (purposely I would imagine) through the entire house. Also all mattresses were off the beds.

He is blaming me for him being a 42 year old now living in his dads box room.

He chose to leave.

I am seriously considering emptying the joint account but is this illegal? Also am I allowed to change the locks if the mortgage is also in his name? He has taken keys and refuses to give them back.

The texts he has been sending are deluded and he sounds angry and slightly insane.

OP posts:
SpringleDingle · 04/08/2023 12:44

Joint account - you are entitled to half.

StrawberryWater · 04/08/2023 12:45

On a joint account either party is legally entitled to completely empty a joint account of all funds.

Take your money out now, before he does.

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 04/08/2023 12:46

Get your half of the JA before he does, lock down any joint credit, keep an eye on your credit score so you can see if any new credit is taken out in your name.

Enjoy your freedom from this man child

DisquietintheRanks · 04/08/2023 12:49

I don't think you should empty it but I think you'd be reasonable to take 4 fifths.

You can't legally change the locks but you can fit additional locks or a chain or keep the door locked so he can't just barge in and trash the place. And if you feel threatened by him you could look at getting a restraining order.

Pontiouspilate · 04/08/2023 12:49

Do you have protection for the input to the house considering it’s 80% yours? Is this reflected in the % ownership?

illiterato · 04/08/2023 12:51

All money in a joint account belongs to both of you. Either of you can legally empty it so I’d do it before he does.

hoophoophooray · 04/08/2023 12:52

Legally it all belongs to both of you, so you can take the lot.

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 04/08/2023 12:53

Make sure your JA can't go into overdraft. You can ask banks to freeze them. Maybe change your bank log in details so he can't stitch you up.

You can't change the locks if he co-owns the house unless you get an occupation order. You'd need to be at risk of harm (keep texts as evidence). I would personally get CCTV to record any harassment and then use it as evidence to obtain one.

illiterato · 04/08/2023 12:56

To clarify, you are both entitled to all of it. There is no 50/50. If you were married then it would be different from a financial settlement POV ( my friend’s ex did it and had to make good through the settlement) but that doesn’t apply here.

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 04/08/2023 12:57

hoophoophooray · 04/08/2023 12:52

Legally it all belongs to both of you, so you can take the lot.

Would count as deprivation of assets and be looked dimly upon in court I should imagine. Plus, it's not exactly fair.

Maybe go for 1/2 the amount, plus the amount for replacement TVs and a carpet cleaning service and explain that to him?

MyPapaya · 04/08/2023 13:00

Can you leave 1 5th in the account so you are not depriving him of assets,
then take your name off the account and put your money in your own account elsewhere.
Add additional security to the house and make plans to sell up or buy him out. You need to get rid of this extra child 🥺

Icedlatteplease · 04/08/2023 13:02

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 04/08/2023 12:57

Would count as deprivation of assets and be looked dimly upon in court I should imagine. Plus, it's not exactly fair.

Maybe go for 1/2 the amount, plus the amount for replacement TVs and a carpet cleaning service and explain that to him?

Show quote history

It won't go to court she's not married.

Clear the lot. Yy to shutting down any debt facilities

SirVixofVixHall · 04/08/2023 13:07

Swiftly , as in right away, take out any money that is yours, so all your inheritance and anything else you put in. Make sure it is put into an account in your sole name.
Make sure your joint account can’t be overdrawn, I think from memory that both parties are needed to close the account, but someone else may know if you can remove yourself from the joint account completely.
It seems likely he will empty the account of your inheritance if you don’t act first.

KitKateKat · 04/08/2023 13:11

Sounds to me like he was searching the house for valuables if all the mattresses were off. Get your money out and give it to someone to keep it safe for you, he won't stop until there's none left. Should not have been in your purse either. He can't do anything as you are not married. Good luck x

Nn9011 · 04/08/2023 13:11

Technically with a joint account you are entitled to all the money in there from bank's pov, however if you're married I would suggest keeping half in a savings account in case it's to late be divided in divorce.

ihadamarveloustime · 04/08/2023 13:24

I would take half plus the value of everything he took from the house that you'll need to replace. I would also use joint account funds to pay for new locks if he moved out. You lost your keys, right? So you'll need new locks.

Get legal advice about making the split legal.

JulieHoney · 04/08/2023 13:27

Careful, as soon as the bank get an inkling this is a marital dispute they'll freeze it and refer it to the disputes team.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 04/08/2023 13:31

take your money before he does.

I would take your 80% PLUS the amount it will take to replace the items he "took" (more accurately: stole!) PLUS the money he stole from your purse AND the cost of hiring a professional cleaner to clean the mess he made.

And contact a solicitor. Custody, changing the keys so he can`t just enter etc.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 04/08/2023 13:32

ihadamarveloustime · 04/08/2023 13:24

I would take half plus the value of everything he took from the house that you'll need to replace. I would also use joint account funds to pay for new locks if he moved out. You lost your keys, right? So you'll need new locks.

Get legal advice about making the split legal.

If I understood OP corrently, then it`s 80% that are / were hers due to an inheritance.

endofthelinefinally · 04/08/2023 13:35

If you have solid proof of what you own/contributed to the house and or savings, take that much. Change your passwords to everything.
Changing the locks might be tricky if his name is on the deeds.
Does he pay his share of the mortgage?
If not, do you have proof?
You will need legal advice regarding the mortgage and house ownership.

Approaching · 04/08/2023 13:35

I might be adding 2+2 and getting 8, but could drugs be involved? Money plus TVs plus searching the house, and the unhinged texts? Just sounds like something not quite normal.

Youre perfectly entitled to empty the joint account. The house is harder, I’d strongly consider talking to the police at this point.

User1990C · 04/08/2023 13:38

Take out 80%. It's yours. Legally, you can take 100% with no direct recourse. But, for the sake of fairness and reducing problems later on, just take yours and never look at the account again.

NoSquirrels · 04/08/2023 13:39

You can’t prevent him entering a house he jointly owns.

You can remove all the money from the joint account - and so can he.

Do as PP have advised and take out what you can document as yours via inheritance etc.

Get your salary paid into your own account.

Expect him to stop paying into the joint account.

endofthelinefinally · 04/08/2023 13:41

User1990C · 04/08/2023 13:38

Take out 80%. It's yours. Legally, you can take 100% with no direct recourse. But, for the sake of fairness and reducing problems later on, just take yours and never look at the account again.

The only problem would be if he then overdrew on the account and OP would be jointly liable for the overdraft and charges. Somehow OP needs to get her contribution out then either change the password (if she can), or speak to the bank and ask them to lock or freeze the account.

endofthelinefinally · 04/08/2023 13:42

Keep all the texts. Can he delete them? If so, can you save them elsewhere?