AIBU to empty the joint account?

[ChilliNoodleGoodness]

Shortened version of what is happening. Been with DP for 7 years, 3 kids. Joint mortgage on home, joint savings, majority (80%) belonging to me from an inheritance.

DP has regularly over the last 2 years decided to leave for various reasons including

I am boring (I work part time, parent 3 young children, also "parent" my siblings as our parents tragically died last year)

I am always nagging him (he likes to spend his days off in the pub, going for pub meals, playing snooker instead of picking our children up from my grandparents to save them babysitting)

He usually leaves for about 4 or 5 days then comes back apologising. This time I have had enough.

I have found out he has been spending time with his ex, I hit the roof and am apparently out of order for giving him shit about it.

He came to the house yesterday whilst I was in work, took the money from my purse, tv's from the house, and walked mud (purposely I would imagine) through the entire house. Also all mattresses were off the beds.

He is blaming me for him being a 42 year old now living in his dads box room.

He chose to leave.

I am seriously considering emptying the joint account but is this illegal? Also am I allowed to change the locks if the mortgage is also in his name? He has taken keys and refuses to give them back.

The texts he has been sending are deluded and he sounds angry and slightly insane.

May as well phone up CMS and get the ball rolling with claiming maintenance as it doesn't get back dated.

Do you mean he’s taken the mattresses off the beds? Or literally taken them away?

I really feel like giving a clap to the few women on mumsnet this week that have had the guts to show the door to their cocklodger.
Some of the stuff that I read on here about what women are willing to put is quite unbelievable.

You sound like you have your wits about and know you will be better off without him.
Good Luck with getting everything sorted.

He stole money from her purse @curaçao

OP isn’t married to this loser so a lot of the advice is irrelevant here.

OP, you both own the money in the joint account, so it’s a matter of who gets there first. I would remove all of it. The bank isn’t going to be interested in who owns what as there’s no deprivation of assets involved - your split is a civil matter and nobody else is going to be involved.

After that i would remove the overdraft if there is one, and if there isn’t speak to your bank’s collections team and ask that they put a flag on the profile to ensure that no overdraft is granted.

You can’t change the password to the account as he will have his own separate login details, and you will need the consent of both account holders to remove yourself from the account. But if you have an account in your own name make sure that everything is going into and out of there.

You will need to sort out what happens to the house. As he owns half of it it is possible that you may have to sell it. He will be entitled to his share of the equity in the house, and unless you can afford to buy him out and take over the mortgage in your own right you may not have a choice there.

Also I would go to the CMS for child maintenance.

You can legally empty the joint account. Nobody will do anything. Ex did this to me.

empty your joint account and freeze it so your STBXH cannot take it into overdraft.

ensure any D/D’s related to your household are transferred to another bank account under your sole name so you don’t lose service or rack up a bad credit rating for bounced D/D’s

If it’s a HSBC accounts once you’ve emptied the account tell them you want to close the account as you’re no longer with the joint account holder. They’ll close the account.

Barclays will make you jump through hoops and usually demand both parties sign to close a joint account or remove one person.

If you were married, the withdrawal of joint assets would be revealed by the date you took the money from your bank statements. And it would be taken into account during the financial decisions/ settlement of a divorce.

As you are not married, then it's harder. You can't 'take' someone else's money without their agreement. So if £5K was yours, you could withdraw that but not the other £5K if that was his.

I'm wondering if you ring fenced your 80% equity in the property with a Deed of Trust? That means you would get the same proportion back if the house was sold.

If you are both putting your earnings into the joint account, you should only take what is yours.

It would otherwise be seen a theft.

I’d change the locks too - he can get a court order to get back in but I bet he won’t bother. Get a solicitor on Monday sounds like you’re in for a rough ride.

You’re not married so definitely take anything and everything you can.

There is no deprivation of assets as you’re not married. 🥳

Get rid of this loser and lock him out today.

You will need to sort out what happens to the house. As he owns half of it it is possible that you may have to sell it.

But he doesn't own half the house.
His share is what equity there is after a sale (or a valuation.)
If he only put in 20% equity as the deposit, he will only get 20% back plus 50% of any increase in the house value, minus the outstanding mortgage.

I'm not sure about the legal side of things but I would be taking money out of the account to pay for the items he took/damaged! He sounds like a massive disrespectful dickhead and you are well shot of him.

Putting aside how much you feel is yours, I'd certainly take 50% out before he does, although, if you empty it you could treat that as child maintenance and for the cost of replacing stuff he's taken. On that point, I think I'd be tempted to change the locks so he can't take anything else without your agreement..

No Judge Judy, it’s not theft. Where did you get your law degree from? 🤦🏻‍♀️

Either of the account holders may withdraw 100% of the balance at any time.

This - my ex emptied it - despite it being my money - I never got a penny back.
Change the locks as he is behaving oddly and has removed joint items. Make sure you do garage and back door. Get a ring door bell and just sit tight. If he creates a fuss remind him he is deadbeat who just walks out on his kids for days at a time to cheat with other people and has stolen joint family items.

@PinkIcedCream Where did you get your degree in rudeness?
Honestly,this place is a snake pit at times. You can disagree without being so nasty.

Presumably you are shit hot family lawyer.

Either of the account holders may withdraw 100% of the balance at any time.

Yes, of course they can withdraw it.

But that doesn't mean that at some point there may be a dispute over who owns what and how it's divided. If the house has to be sold as the OP can't afford to stay there alone, he will push for some of his money back that she's taken.

I’d take all the money from the joint account and put his half where he can’t access it until after the financial settlement. Otherwise he can withdraw funds, go put a 50% deposit on an expensive car and then you’ll be liable for half the debt.

I say this because he’s acting unhinged. You can’t leave that money just sitting there to disappear.

No, I don’t do family law, but yes I’m legally qualified and have done pro bono work in the community in the past.

I’m still amazed when posters write with such authority on a subject, when they clearly know feck all. 😂

I’d rather be considered rude than shown up as a total eejit. 😂

You will need to sort out what happens to the house. As he owns half of it it is possible that you may have to sell it

OP says joint mortgage, but surely it depends who is on the title deeds as to who owns the house?

I'm actually really surprised it wasn't the first thing he did tbh. He was clearly planning on coming back. Good for you not letting him!

I think you should call the police and tell them that he has stolen from you and made a mess in your home. I'm worried for you because he will be unhinged when he finds out you've removed the money.

Not sure if this has been mentioned but if he's been in your purse he could have copied card details. Worth cancelling then to be on the safe side.

No. This is wrong. If you have a joint bank account with someone both of you are entitled to withdraw all the money because it is legally yours. It doesn’t matter who put what in.

the only difference is if you are married to the joint account holder in which case it would be relevant when considering the apportionment of marital assets. The OP is not married so this is irrelevant.

its actually v important that people understand this. I’m amazed at how many people only have a joint account and pay their salary into it. Madness.

I would take whatever portion of the joint account you contributed, inheritance etc. and move it to an account in your name only. I would do this quickly as he could clean out the account and leave you with nothing. I would close out the joint account and have the remainder sent to him.

For those who have not RTFT -

OP has moved ALL funds in joint account to her own personal account.
She is leaving the key in the door so he cannot barge in

And various other things.

Good start OP, wishing you well.