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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to empty the joint account?

144 replies

ChilliNoodleGoodness · 04/08/2023 12:43

Shortened version of what is happening. Been with DP for 7 years, 3 kids. Joint mortgage on home, joint savings, majority (80%) belonging to me from an inheritance.

DP has regularly over the last 2 years decided to leave for various reasons including

I am boring (I work part time, parent 3 young children, also "parent" my siblings as our parents tragically died last year)

I am always nagging him (he likes to spend his days off in the pub, going for pub meals, playing snooker instead of picking our children up from my grandparents to save them babysitting)

He usually leaves for about 4 or 5 days then comes back apologising. This time I have had enough.

I have found out he has been spending time with his ex, I hit the roof and am apparently out of order for giving him shit about it.

He came to the house yesterday whilst I was in work, took the money from my purse, tv's from the house, and walked mud (purposely I would imagine) through the entire house. Also all mattresses were off the beds.

He is blaming me for him being a 42 year old now living in his dads box room.

He chose to leave.

I am seriously considering emptying the joint account but is this illegal? Also am I allowed to change the locks if the mortgage is also in his name? He has taken keys and refuses to give them back.

The texts he has been sending are deluded and he sounds angry and slightly insane.

OP posts:

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 04/08/2023 17:48

Well done OP - you are dealing smoothly with a miserable situation not of your making. It looks as if he will not be the great loss he imagined.

fortnumsfinest · 04/08/2023 17:50

If it's a joint account with either or able to sign and withdraw you could legally withdraw all of the funds, I don't know how this would stand in court in if you'd be due him half but certainly from a banking point of you you can withdraw all the funds.

IWantOutDoI · 04/08/2023 17:54

Hankunamatata · 04/08/2023 13:49

Your not married. I'd empty it.

This and change the locks.

Just save the money somewhere safe as it is likely you would be asked to pay part of it back… if he bothers and have the time and money to take you to court.

HurdyGurdy19 · 04/08/2023 18:04

Well done on taking swift action OP. You sound very strong.

Regarding changing the locks, my understanding is that you cannot change the locks on a jointly owned property, and if you do, you have to give the other person a set of keys. (This information may - hopefully - have changed.)

There would be nothing to stop you from swapping back door and front door locks though, and fitting a sturdy lock on any gate which gives access to the back garden.

I'd also get a chain fitted to the front door.

frazzledasarock · 04/08/2023 18:06

If the children are his you can start a child maintenance claim with CMS

Blossomtoes · 04/08/2023 18:09

Take 90%. The 80% that’s yours alone and half of the rest.

Busbygirl · 04/08/2023 18:09

I’m going through a divorce and my H locked me out of our home (jointly owned).
It’s appalling behaviour and quite rightly illegal.
You cannot lock him out. I’m sure you wouldn’t like it if he did it to you.

MySugarBabyLove · 04/08/2023 18:27

tBH I’m somewhat confused about the inheritance.

Why would you put all your inheritance into a joint account with a man you’re not married to?

I can see how you might if you were married, me and my eXH had a joint account for everything but only after we were married,) but given you weren’t married there would be little recourse if your ex empties the account before you do.

FrippEnos · 04/08/2023 18:33

Gather evidence of what you paid in to the house including the deposit.
Although you may need proof that you protected your deposit or he could get 50/50. But this will depend on how far this gets and how good your and his solicitor is.

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 04/08/2023 18:45

YABU

Absolutely take half but you need to remember you are living in his home and you are not married.

I don’t think you’re even legally allowed to change the locks.

If you start playing dirty then so will he.

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 04/08/2023 18:48

Sorry I’ve just seen it’s a joint mortgage.

Take all of your savings and the half of the rest.

If it’s a joint mortgage he can make you sell it or give him half of the money.

PurpleNebula84 · 04/08/2023 18:48

frazzledasarock · 04/08/2023 17:08

If it’s a HSBC accounts once you’ve emptied the account tell them you want to close the account as you’re no longer with the joint account holder. They’ll close the account.

Barclays will make you jump through hoops and usually demand both parties sign to close a joint account or remove one person.

I removed myself from a Barclays joint account last year... Was dead easy and didn't need any authority from the other party... There was still £15 in the account and signed to say I didn't want anything to do with it... It did probably help that there were no direct debits set up on the account, so no risk of debt.

frazzledasarock · 04/08/2023 18:56

@PurpleNebula84 I couldn’t remove my name from a Barclays account (must have been two years ago now), account was empty and had no dd or so’s I ended up emailing the director of Barclays out of desperation in the end. And suddenly I was removed from the account. Just took five years of begging and running to and fro

Waffle78 · 04/08/2023 18:59

Do it and change the locks so he can't take anything else.

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 04/08/2023 19:01

Change all your passwords and cancel his name off EVERYTHING joint or that has anything to do with you, your property, your life - credit cards, utilities, council tax, subscriptions etc. Delete him from your life and be glad he's moved on. He doesn't sound like a catch.

I don't know about clearing the bank account, but if you can, do so and close the account.

2jacqi · 04/08/2023 19:08

take your inheritance now!!! Inheritance is NEVER counted as joint assets in a court of law!!!

MySugarBabyLove · 04/08/2023 19:11

People need to stop advising people to change the locks.

She can’t legally if she changes the locks, even if she puts a chain on the door, he can break in.

He owns half the house and so if he wants to he can move back in.

I know that it’s tempting to say change the locks, take the money and screw the bastard, but equally he is in exactly the same position to do the same, and what’s good for the goose…..

She can’t change the banking passwords, he will have his own login details that she doesn’t have access to.

If the house is jointly owned then unless she can afford to buy it out it’s going to have to be sold to give him his share.

It was incredibly unwise to put an inheritance into a joint bank account where he had just as much ability to clean it out as she did.

Treesinmygarden · 04/08/2023 19:12

Busbygirl · 04/08/2023 18:09

Isn't stealing from the OP's purse, taking her TVs and vandalising their home, much more "appalling behaviour"?

2jacqi · 04/08/2023 19:18

make sure it is a solicitor who specialises in family law!

Jellifulfruit · 04/08/2023 19:23

Goodness, what a rollercoaster for you. HVe you booked the free 30-min call for Monday?

MadeForThis · 04/08/2023 19:27

Change the locks and keep a spare key available if he asks. Get a chain lock for the inside too.

Move all DD's for the house to your account. Let him worry about defaulting on his own DD's.

Make sure the account isn't allowed to go into unofficial overdraft. Cancel the whole thing if you can.

Might be petty but I would log his devices off any Netflix, Disney, Amazon accounts that you have. But I'm a bitch.

Royalbloo · 04/08/2023 19:35

Jointly and severally liable. You can but it may have consequences.

JaneorEleven · 04/08/2023 19:38

He stole joint property from your home. Some with a bit of value, I’d imagine, TVs, mattresses etc. I’d consider reporting this theft to the police, just to get his unreasonable behaviour documented. He’s a loon and you’re well shit. Good luck OP.

Emotionalsupportviper · 04/08/2023 19:56

StrawberryWater · 04/08/2023 12:45

On a joint account either party is legally entitled to completely empty a joint account of all funds.

Take your money out now, before he does.

Take the cash, and close the account (or take your name off it if you can't close it.)

WasJuliaRight · 04/08/2023 19:58

The bank won’t freeze an account based on an inkling. If either party wants to withdraw the balance they would allow them to do so if the account is either to sign. They will only freeze an account if instructed. I would empty it before they did and keep a record of anything I gave them as and when they needed any money.

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