Grandchildren's eating habits AIBU?

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I love my grandson, but feel irritated about his eating habits. I'm posting here to see if this behaviour is the new normal and I'm being picky.
He's 6. I cooked a meal for them yesterday - a bit of salad and some tortellini, with sauce to add if they wanted to i.e. deliberately bland (but this applies to all meals we have with them).
So, firstly, he doesn't sit down at the table, but kneels or leans. Then he takes a mouth or two, and then wanders off. Then, a few minutes later, he reappears and might take a bit more, or, if what he wants is gone, gets given something else, like toast.
and then, about 30 minutes later, he'll want some of the pudding. And get given it.
I always used to say (when I had children) that you didn't get pudding if you hadn't eaten at least some of the main course and, once you'd got down from the table, that was it and you had to wait until the next meal.
Parenting is hard enough, without making it harder than needs be.
AIBU?

Reading your post it sounds like he might have ADHD.
A child who kneels and leans, can't sit still, is up and down, easily distracted, can't focus at something mundane.
Obviously as I don't know you or him I could be completely of the mark. But from just a small snap shot it sounds highly probable

I cant get upset about this. My kid can wander, my kid can decide he doesn't want it for hours but have a snack in the meantime. Im just not uptight about it. You can have pudding even if you havent eaten your dinner. You want lasagne for breakfast, well ok then!

It’s not batshit at all, just basic good manners. Nobody’s deluded enough to think any child can do no wrong.

No primary school I've ever worked in has let children wander around at lunch time as several posters have tried to claim. They do not bob up and down. They collect their food ,eat it and then clear away before going out to play. It's noisy and busy enough already without children being allowed to move around. They do it as soon as they start in reception and you can always spot those children who have not been taught to sit at a table. (Basic manners!) They soon learn.

Oh yes. That would go down well given I have them at least three days a week. I'm sure their parents would be delighted with me if they were allowed to do entirely as they please on my watch.
'Grannys' don't have a job description. We carry out our role as we see fit to suit ourselves and our families.

Abso you anbu. Parent of 16yo and 8yo. “In my house these are the rules” even if parents/other parents/grandparents don’t have the same rules.
I abso agree with you: you sit at the table to eat. Make a good effort if you want pudding. No other options if you don’t eat. “Asparagus may not be your favourite, but I expect you to make an effort to eat it”. Not all food will be your favourite and that is ok, but they must eat.
at bedtime if hungry and didn’t eat their dinner - they will not get food.
if they ate their dinner and hungry again they will get food.
to add: my 16yo eats incredibly well, much better (heathier) than all her friends.
my ultra lively 8yo is fussy and commandeers too many snacks, but will ALWAYS try all food, and makes some effort to eat a meal times - it’s improving with age.
keep at it Grandma!

So what happens when you eat out ? Children should be taught good table manners, and six isn’t too young.

So many children behave like this eat a bit go off and then back at the table Not taught to sit and eat a meal properly .I’m a nanny so have seen this so much but children in a children’s home were so good at meal times from a early age Yes certainly have granny’s house granny’s rules Tell them what a lot of food waste and children going hungry

Your house your rules. Ours have to sit at the table but do get down before we finish.

Unless child has undiagnosed ADHD or something they should sit and eat their food, and not leave until finished.

It's rude and not nice manners

And certainly can't do that at school

So why allow it at home /gp etx

Parents need to parent

My rule is that you don't have to eat it all but you need to sit nicely and wait for those still eating

And if get down that's it - no coming back

Rarely do pudding

How do they cope with lunch at school or when you eat out?

There are some children who need to eat like this. If he's one of them you need to take direction from his main caregiver.

That disclaimer out of the way, ime most of the time grazing and snacking is your enemy. There are presumably more important things than food around to distract him. When they were little, I tried to get my children feeling hungry enough to eat enough to mean they get to the next mealtime hungry enough to eat enough... and so on. Snacking and grazing is likely to interrupt this, and days without lots of exercise affect it also. Don't get stressed about a small meal, just put food away until the next time it suits you all to eat.

Hes 6.

My kids don't need to sit and finish a meal. They can wander if they want. They can eat it for hours if they choose.

What is the big deal?

Because of the kitchens always open, you're always bloody making food

Oddly, though, back when a lot of parents made their kids finish their foods, rates of obesity were quite low. Now, when parents don't do this the rates of obesity have skyrocketed. I am not saying they are connected, but clearly kids are obese today for other reasons.

Because they’re allowed a constant steam of food and continuous snacking,

my 6 year old wont eat tortellini either. I sometimes struggle to get her to sit still long enduro finish a meal when there are more interesting things going on

Look, kids eat intuitively. If they’re hungry, they eat. If not, they dont.

so what if they get up? You were at home weren’t you? Who did they bother?

i dont agree with the force food down mantra. I was brought up like that. Im fat now snd struggle with knowing when full up Yes, they can have pudding if they haven’t finished dinner. That’s silly to suggest otherwise

You might think the children of parents who insist on "table manners" (I think table manners is more to do with using cutlery and saying please and thank you and not chewing with your mouth open rather than sitting still) might be a pleasure for you to know but they might not be enjoying the experience at all.

Oh, so you don't know any of these children but have decided that they might not be enjoying sitting still at a table - which is a part of "table manners" where I come from. Typical MN rubbish. One set of parents has six children, travel a lot and overall have a great life - their children are very happy and are the most delightful, polite, confident, children/teens you could ever meet. They also happen to have parents who have instilled good manners from an early age.

Incidentally I wasn't allowed to wander around during a meal as a child, it was the way children were brought up in those days. I've yet to hear anyone saying how horrible it was, and how they "didn't enjoy the experience."

When eating out it is very easy to spot those children who are allowed to do as they wish during a meal.

He's 6 he should be sitting to eat his meals now
Definitely granny's house granny's riules!

I think Granny needs to chill out a bit!

Not many kids would sit keenly at the table for tortellini and salad.

Parent of eight year old here and unpopular, strict opinion but I believe in table manners and eating the proper amount at dinner time (carbs, protein & veg). I don't say whole plate has to be finished as if you're full, you're full but pudding is yoghurt and then maybe a slice of toast or a small bowl of cereal later if long gap between dinner and bed and a bit hungry later. Basically no pudding to bribe with.

It is absolutely unacceptable for a 6-year-old to eat as the OP describes and lazy parenting. I wonder if it's the same parents who leave cafes with the table and floor in a minging state or don't clear their takeaway trays into the nearest bin? Probably the same parents who don't think their child is responsible for anything even if they're screaming the place down, making a mess or repeatedly hitting another child.

Parenting is hard and doing the right thing is uncomfortable and exhausting. Do the job you signed up for.

Look, kids eat intuitively. If they’re hungry, they eat. If not, they dont.

so what if they get up? You were at home weren’t you? Who did they bother?

Noooo >.<

Because three meals a day and a small snack in between to keep the blood sugar up is plenty. And real food, not crap. Kids are brought up on snacking and eating intuitively rather than mindfully e.g. this is what I'm doing this morning so I need this amount of energy to keep me going.

My nephew wanders about while eating. He's on the autism spectrum. Kids who who have ADD, Autism, and/or anxiety may not be able to sit still and eat.
Kids who aren't used to the routine of sitting down to eat and eating what's on their plate won't know those are the rules in your house.
Different families have different rules and different levels of willingness/energy/time to enforce those rules.
I'm hoping that one day my own kid will consistently use cutlery at mealtimes but no matter how many mealtime reminders I give, just about anything can become finger food.

My mother said this to me when my DCs were small. I rolled my eyes and thought I knew best. I wish i had listened to her...I am still sweeping trails of crumbs and threatening all sorts to get them to finish their dinner...