Grandchildren's eating habits AIBU?

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I love my grandson, but feel irritated about his eating habits. I'm posting here to see if this behaviour is the new normal and I'm being picky.
He's 6. I cooked a meal for them yesterday - a bit of salad and some tortellini, with sauce to add if they wanted to i.e. deliberately bland (but this applies to all meals we have with them).
So, firstly, he doesn't sit down at the table, but kneels or leans. Then he takes a mouth or two, and then wanders off. Then, a few minutes later, he reappears and might take a bit more, or, if what he wants is gone, gets given something else, like toast.
and then, about 30 minutes later, he'll want some of the pudding. And get given it.
I always used to say (when I had children) that you didn't get pudding if you hadn't eaten at least some of the main course and, once you'd got down from the table, that was it and you had to wait until the next meal.
Parenting is hard enough, without making it harder than needs be.
AIBU?

Here comes another poster whose culture is superior and knows all about how English kids eat in their home. So English kids dont use dinner table to eat? Are they sitting on sofa or floor while eating? 🤔

Goodness, your child must be a delight if eating in public. Of course basic manners are important

Once again children, and adults, can behave differently at home to in a restaurant. I'm not sure why people can't grasp that.

Yes, seems a bit extreme at age 6.
My 2 year old grandson likes to be naked most of the time; he takes about 2 hours to eat a meal. He is healthy but skinny. He takes a tiny bit of food, then runs around like a mad thing, returns 10-20 minutes later to eat another tiny bit of food - and so it goes on for about 2 hours.but his parents are working on it. Lol.
At 6 I would expect more control. ??
However, kids are hard work 😊

Because we now live in a completely different food environment to the one where the finishing your plate thing came from. Maybe parents are trying to teach children how to manage living in the food environment we live in now (where food is abundant and constantly available and much of it is bad for us, rather than scarce, rationed and more difficult to prepare). I would have thought this was obvious. Encouraging children to consider their own hunger and satiety signals is of more of a concern now perhaps. I know there’ll be loads of “shoving snacks in them” comments because there always are, but my children don’t snack much and they have never been required to finish everything on their plates. Maybe parents now are getting it completely wrong in how they approach this, time will tell I’m sure. But as our food environment has changed, a “finish your plate” rule is perhaps makes less sense now

Maybe I'm old-fashioned but children need consistency, and practice at home is practice for behaviour outside the home. Of course more relaxed at home, but not on the basics. Eating for hours if they choose is OK if ill or once in a while but not a healthy lifestyle or diet. Children need parenting and guidance, not being brought up being told that all their wants are correct. So much trust placed in children to know and take the lead on what they want for themselves. What a burden on them and what a disaster waiting to happen when they grow up and realise they don't have the skills to cope with or thrive in the world.

Exactly, we can't have a snack culture and a three meals a day culture, it doesn't work.

Five small meals a day? Works for some. I know unless I've done lots of walking I don't need lunch, and breakfast and dinner with something small is enough?

Maybe it is changing but table manners and not taking more than you're hungry for are good skills to develop.

It’s old fashioned views on children’s eating habits that can cause eating disorders. I know firsthand. As a result, I’m very laidback around mealtimes.

You need to relax a bit.

Would it annoy me, yes a bit.

Would I say or do anything, no, unless it was a bit of light encouragement. Unless the child is malnourished this is not a big deal and the child will grow out of it, you don’t see many 30 yr olds behaving like this. If you start trying to impose your own rules don’t be surprised if the child doesn’t understand or doesn’t want to come again (a 6 yr old won’t always understand granny’s house granny’s rules) or if you do it in front of the parents if they stop coming round do so often. Is it really worth it?

This ☝
In my house we sit at the table & don’t get down until everyone is finished.
If you don’t want to eat what is put in front of you you still sit at the table until everyone finishes & there is no more to eat until the next meal.

He might be a grazer, my 6 year old can sometimes take a while to finish his food, he also likes his food cold

Any special needs or potential special needs?

I have one child with asd/adhd. Needs multiple prompts remain seated at table and to eat. Also brand bound to specific pasta etc so things like that too. Can be more hyper outwith the home environment.

If your grandson isn’t ND, then it is a parenting issue and you need to take it up with the parents. However, unless they are willing to implement your rules at home it will continue to be difficult.

You’re not the parent here so don’t try to parent.

Table manners, although I think this depends on age of a child. I wouldn't expect a toddler to have perfect manners. Also it is not healthy to continually graze and those bad habits will be hard to rectify if allowed to develop. x

that would infuriate me too. I’m surprised at the backlash in the comments and the harsh replies. It’s common manners and decency. A child should be taught to sit at a table until everyone is finished. And if they don’t want to finish what’s given to them, then they don’t get anything else until the next meal. I’m 33. I’m baffled so many people think this is ok. I would absolutely implement it in your own house. And hopefully in time, it might rub off at home. We live in a world of distraction, so many are happy to let their kids be in control and do what they like for an easy life, so they can sit on their phone, etc. sad world.

My kids would behave like this in my house as I don’t mind I’m lax about food because how strict my parents were , one has adhd one has autism and I allow it on that basis however they know grans house is very strict about table manners and they will follow those rules of no pudding unless you’ve ate , no iPads at table, having to ask to leave the table etc so I know they can do it I just don’t want that rigid attitude in my home around food as it can create issues

I think you should relax a bit, it’s not a big deal and is for his parents to sort. One of my children was like this but we let it go, on medical advice, so that she would eat a decent amount over an hour or so. It improved as she got older but could easily have caused a much bigger issue if we’d have made it into something it didn’t need to be.

This is really annoying. We have small children and whilst they try to get down they and wander we are firm. Dinner time is at the table and you eat your food and ask to get down. Now some nights are better than others but that is our expectation.

as others have said Granny’s house and rules? However do they eat at the table at home? Why dont they correct it? Is this a conversation you can have with your family?

Poor parenting creates food disorders, not table manners. You can put healthy structures around eating without creating an unhealthy relationship with food. I had anxiety with food for years because my dad used mealtimes to preach and generally bully/create stress. He wasn’t forcing me to eat food but it was years before I could sit at a table again.

No, those 30-year-olds are really annoying to colleagues in lots of other ways because they had parents who indulged instead of guided them.

Could you make being at the table fun? Let them help make the food. Engage the child it setting the table. Make menu cards with them. Play at being the waiter. If you have them regularly, plan ahead with them for what they will have next time. Take them shopping, grow things they can eat and talk about where the food has come from.

His behaviour is ridiculous. He needs to be taught to sit down & eat without fussing or wandering around.
Tell him dinner is in 10 minutes so he should go to the bathroom then wash his hands, tell him to sit then put dinner on the table, request that he sits still & eats. If he gets up take his plate away, when he complains tell him that he left the table which is a sign that he’s finished eating, tell him that if he’s still hungry he should sit down & stay seated until he’s finished eating, do this every time he gets up. Be matter of fact, don’t raise your voice or get angry.
Give him 20 minutes, after that take his plate away, tell him to get down , go wash his hands then go play.
Absolutely No Dessert until he’s eaten at least 3/4 of his meal.

Make sure the TV is off & there are no other distractions.

Hes also old enough to help set the table. Kids are more likely to eat if they are allowed to help prepare/ cook the meal.

I would manage your expectations at mealtimes. If, at your house, you want him to follow a certain rule. Then way before dinner let him know. So he's prepared. Tell him that nanny wants him to follow the rule of sitting at the dinner table until he's finished with his meal today. It may take a couple of times for him to adjust but with encouragement it should happen. Maybe you could promise a reward of something fun afterwards like playing a board game together or watching any movie he wants or playing hide and seek. Kids flitting about annoys me too and I resort to letting them watch a movie on their table otherwise I don't get much peace. But maybe being more mature you'll get through to them better than I do with my own haha.

The saying is, it takes a village to raise a child, comes into mind here.

When my husband and I are at work, if the children are not at school, my Mum looks after our children. I would not expect her to not teach them manners, not to tell them off etc. The rare occasion she has said to me, how to you want me to deal with this, I have said ‘Do what you would have done when we were younger!’, my siblings and I didn’t turn out to badly, so Mum must have done something right! (Maybe we were extremely lucky, Mum didn’t ‘hit’ us or shout at us!)

By giving said child some toast later on, it’s making the parents (who are probably already exhausted- let’s be honest, who isn’t) have something else to do! Which I believe is what the OP is saying!

My children from a very young age, knew you don’t leave the table until you have finished- doesn’t mean they have to eat everything, just means when they come back, it won’t be there. If they are hungry later on, their only option will be the fruit bowl or some salad (cucumber etc).

As they got older, they were encouraged to sit at the table even after they have finished and wait until everyone is finished.

Now at the age of 9 and 4, I do not hesitate to go anywhere, we go to nice restaurants, eat out when ever we can, cause I know the children can ‘deal’ with the situation, as they were taught at home.