Grandchildren's eating habits AIBU?

[Sausagenbacon]

I love my grandson, but feel irritated about his eating habits. I'm posting here to see if this behaviour is the new normal and I'm being picky.
He's 6. I cooked a meal for them yesterday - a bit of salad and some tortellini, with sauce to add if they wanted to i.e. deliberately bland (but this applies to all meals we have with them).
So, firstly, he doesn't sit down at the table, but kneels or leans. Then he takes a mouth or two, and then wanders off. Then, a few minutes later, he reappears and might take a bit more, or, if what he wants is gone, gets given something else, like toast.
and then, about 30 minutes later, he'll want some of the pudding. And get given it.
I always used to say (when I had children) that you didn't get pudding if you hadn't eaten at least some of the main course and, once you'd got down from the table, that was it and you had to wait until the next meal.
Parenting is hard enough, without making it harder than needs be.
AIBU?

I don't think you are being unreasonable.

You made sure you had cooked something he likes, so it definitely wasn't the case that he didn't like it.

At 6, a child should be well able to sit at the table and eat a meal. Kneeling on a chair I could live with if the child isn't quite tall enough to reach when sitting. But getting up and down/leaning isn't OK.

My son is 9 now but has been able to sit and eat a meal for years and we have no issues taking him to any restaurant either.

It's hard because ultimately, it's his parents who need to set proper boundaries.

I think if you look at ‘the old way’, back in the day, far fewer people were overweight compared to now. So you should be comparing like with like-young people now and young people say 50 years ago.

@BungleandGeorge "disordered eating" was NOT my expression. I was replying to a poster who said it.
HTH

I do not have superior parenting skills because my child could sit and eat at a table at 6.

Jesus.

A 6 year old should be able to sit down at the table for the duration of a meal, say 20 minutes or less. Really most 2 year olds can mange this, at least if you don't leave them waiting too long for pudding
I would expect them to say if they didn't like what was on offer and would have no problem with offering them toast or something else.
I would let them have the pudding regardless of what else was eaten, once everyone has finished eating their main course. The pudding would be a small portion and if they're saying they are still hungry they can have a bit more main afterwards.
Once they have finished the meal and get down that's it, there would be no wandering about in between - that is extremely irritating!
I would expect a 6 year old to also help with laying and clearing the table.

I think parents give their children too little credit and that's what's behind all these mental health problems. They want to be seen as a responsible and valued family member, not an incompetent baby.

The getting up and wandering around thing would drive me nuts. Then not eating thing yup I think if a kid doesn’t like something then it’s ok to try it and not eat it. I remember being forced to eat certain things and it’s just gross.

But yeah assuming they like the food they should be able to sit there for 10 minutes and eat some of it…… we used to play lots of games- I spy etc to keep ours entertained.

x

That's not what I said and you are aware of that. Goodness this thread is full of a lot of superior/sneery people isn't it?

I do think the "mental health problems" takes the biscuit. Dear lord.

I was thinking about Lord of the Flies funnily enough. And yes, I was a prefect, but one who didn't want to turn up and rarely did unless compelled.

Children should not be in charge of children and adults should not shirk their responsibilities and skive off to the staff room or the pub IMO.

YANBU @Sausagenbacon. I'd tolerate that from a 3, maybe 4 year old. But a 6 YO should know better.

I'm quite strict on table manners, and have just this week reminded my family that it's quite rude to ignore the call to dinner and I won't be waiting for them if they can't be arsed to shift themselves even with a ten minute warning.

Honestly can't believe the attitudes of 'who cares?' towards table manners? No one is saying the child should be made to sit for several boring hours, but they should be able to sit for 15-20 minutes without wandering about. Kids in school wander about because their friends are at other tables - assuming most people don't live in communes I'm not sure that's a valid point for home meals

Your house, your rules. But my son is older with Sen and if there was a tension over things like this with grandma then my son wouldn’t see grandma as much.

My DC is exactly like this. He has recently been diagnosed with ASD and likely dyspraxia. He finds using a knife and fork hard and prefers to use his hands. I would suggest that you stop being so judgemental about your grandson.

If a child is in a different house their curiosity is stimulated.

Yanbu. I can't stand faffing at dinner time, just sit down and eat your dinner. If you eat most of it (including veg) you get a pudding, I'm not a strict parent at all, but I couldn't live with what you're describing.
If I was a grandma though I definitely wouldnt raise it with the parents. I'd keep quiet.

I'm truly trying to remember what I was like when I was six.

That was 53 years ago but I'm going to do my best.

I was in Mrs Thurston's class and after doing spelling and the Romans and having sausages and mash on little chairs in the dinner room we did maths and running about in the playground and then she she read us a story. Then my mum came to get me with a packet of crisps and I would skip home.

I watched the telly - Pipkins or Dick Dastardly - while eating my tea from a tray on my lap - probably more sausages and mash or shop bought steak and kidney pie - with the dog sitting next to me with hope in her eyes.

At some point I'd go to bed, probably but not definitely before News At Ten, and before I knew it a whole new day would dawn.

Sitting round A TABLE and having A CONVERSATION never featured and yet here I am, relatively civilised when required to be.

People don't half make A MEAL of parenting.

👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻

Your mother met you with a packet of crisps from school in the early 70s and then you had a ready meal?

Wow. Respect.

Exactly your age and my life was totally different.

Love it. My young adults love street food, picnics, Michelin star restaurants, chips and donuts on the beach, a quick rush to McDonald's for a morning after mcmuffin, whelks and lobster in Bruges on Christmas day, chicken tenders via deliveroo. We do all those things together. Sometimes we sit at at a table.

Does he have a booster seat? Adult chairs aren't great for small kids.

Tortellini and salad? Are you kidding me?! Niether My 7yo nor my 11yo would touch that!!! But I wouldn't tell my Mil not to make it if that is what she had planned. Granny's house. Etc.

Does he have additional needs? We are a neurodivergent household so some getting up and wandering about has to be tolerated. Also we have to cater to difference sensory needs with food textures which can become a bigger issue when away from home so again more tolerance required than for "neurotypical kids"

However. We also have a timer. If anyone takes 10mins more than me (mum) to eat then the food is cleared away.

We also have a rule that fruit must be eaten before any sweet treats (regardless of whether at a meal or as a snack) and another rule that at least some of the main course has to have been eaten before the diner is eligible for dessert.

Of course it may be easier just to not feed him at your house for the next year. Whilst he matures a little.

Yes. This.

Mine was too. I'm a decade older and had to eat home cooked food, made from scratch, with home grown veg.

How I craved a Vesta curry and a Mr Kipling French fancy. I was so jealous of my friends who had shop bought meals and cakes.

Who one earth doesn’t eat at a dinner table?!

@Notanotherusernameplease really? Do you see that many 6yos in restaurants?!!
Most parents cannot afford to take their kids so you won't find them there. The rest of the parents cannot be arsed with it, especially when there are so many judgey pants around!!!

We used to live overseas in a wonderful place where the restaurants had childminders and people who would help your kid make a pizza. Was awesome. There was no need for a kid to keep still, except whilst making or eating that pizza. Otherwise they were climbing, cycling, running and having fun whilst their parents chilled out.

The U.K. is so stuffy and for some reason wants it's kids to grow up far too fast.

Me.

And the young people from 50 years ago are now overweight. That’s the point. The “old style ways” clearly didn’t teach most of them to manage their food intake on their own.