Grandchildren's eating habits AIBU?

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I love my grandson, but feel irritated about his eating habits. I'm posting here to see if this behaviour is the new normal and I'm being picky.
He's 6. I cooked a meal for them yesterday - a bit of salad and some tortellini, with sauce to add if they wanted to i.e. deliberately bland (but this applies to all meals we have with them).
So, firstly, he doesn't sit down at the table, but kneels or leans. Then he takes a mouth or two, and then wanders off. Then, a few minutes later, he reappears and might take a bit more, or, if what he wants is gone, gets given something else, like toast.
and then, about 30 minutes later, he'll want some of the pudding. And get given it.
I always used to say (when I had children) that you didn't get pudding if you hadn't eaten at least some of the main course and, once you'd got down from the table, that was it and you had to wait until the next meal.
Parenting is hard enough, without making it harder than needs be.
AIBU?

No, but now that children live in a world where the house is full of snacks and people get ready meals and takeaways all the time, it's important for children to recognise when they are full and need to stop eating. Food being more readily available means that by encouraging a child to finish everything on the plate, they learn to ignore the feeling of being full and keep eating past it, leading to an adult that overeats. There was less risk of this in previous generations where takeaways and snacks in between meals weren't possible for families, and people made children finish everything so as not to waste food.

You say you wouldn’t allow it and in the same post that your children ‘loved their dinners’ so you have no experience of it. ‘Good eaters’ aren’t (for the most part) a result of good parenting and similarly ‘bad eaters’ aren’t a result of bad parenting. It’s the luck of the draw. If you don’t believe me, ask the parents who have one of each!

What a unique child you have! I’m impressed.

Times have changed. I don't feel this is as a result of your superior parenting skills.

Changed but not improved. My aim was to raise a human who could go anywhere, know how to behave and avoid being judged and sneered at by people who set store by manners. It didn’t take superior parenting skills to achieve that.

Do you know what disordered eating is? You’re wrong
HTH

People who sit together every meal time and "talk about your day" what the hell do you say to each other??

I'm a single mum. I've been with my 5 year old all day. The day started at 6am, we've cooked, been to the park with her cousin, done some puzzles. Been to the allotment for a picnic, flown a plastic plane in another park, played restaurants in the garden. We've been talking to each other ALL FLIPPING DAY. The thought of sitting at a table and making conversation with her while we eat dinner is just torture to be honest. I'm sure its terrible but meal times are where I can just zone out a bit and watch TV. It's the only break I get really.

Please don't quote this and say it's sad I can't converse with my child, we've chatted all day and done very wholesome outdoor things all day. My family definitely don't prioritise eating together at the table. We're very close and spend time together every day (my two sisters, my parents and grandkids). It's not the breakdown of manners and family bonding if people don't teach their kids to eat formally. It's just different priorities / ways of doing things.

It doesn't really matter what our opinion is. We aren't his parents and neither are you.

Are you planning on showing the responses to the parents?

There may be a reason for this. 1 of my 3 children has an issue with food. We have had plenty of advice from dietician and consultants ( due to another health complication) and what has worked best is no pressure to eat. The family eats and she will eat what she wants at her own pace as long as she makes good choices ( which she does because it's her choice and not forced).

Sometimes rules actually cause more issues not less.

It's difficult if the parents are there and are allowing the wandering. Dd would insist dgs 4 sat at the table until he's finished (no need to clear his plate) and so when I have him he automatically sits at the table because that's what he knows is expected of him. I would reinforce the expectations though if he decided to wander because I always support dd's rules and I wouldn't want him roaming rather than joining in with the family meal.

Why would you judge how successful your parenting was based on the approval (or lack thereof) of complete strangers? What does it matter if your kids are having a bad day and someone sneers at them?

Where did I say that was my criterion for successful parenting? I care about my kids feeling comfortable in any environment in which they might find themselves. It’s called preparation for life.

Didn’t they?
When you breakdown demographics only 30% of young adults aged 16-24 are obese whereas it’s almost 80% of those in every age bracket between 45 and 75+!

I would guess it’s pretty likely a 65 year old had “old style rules” while growing up.

I would be worried the grandchild parents see this. I would be absolutely furious if my Mum/in laws posted criticising my parenting!

Yep, it's not like anyone on here ever criticises their child's grandparents. Especially if it's their MIL.

I’d guess it’s also pretty likely a 65 year old’s metabolism has slowed with age. The propensity to be overweight diminishes in over 75s.

Let me guess, is this your sons child op?

No it's not the new normal. My dc always sat at the table to eat, but wouldn't it be best to speak to his parents? He might just be trying it on because he's at grannies, he might not have been hungry, he might not have like that particular food if the way it was cooked.

Any number of reasons.

If it's in the OP's home then she has every right to insist that he sits down, her house, her rules. At 6 he's old enough to sit through a simple meal.

He wouldn't be doing that in a restaurant or at school so it's dreadful his parents allow him to get up and walk about.

He certainly wouldn't do it in my house.

Meal times we sit at the table and it's not just about eating, we talk and children listen and learn.

Barely. It goes down by a handful of percent, still making it the second highest demographic for obesity. 16-24, 25-35 and even 35-44 are still considerably less likely to be obese than the 75+ demographic.

Nhs data.

So really not backing up “the old way” produces no snacking, disordered eating or obesity.

What about slowing metabolism? And inability to exercise increasing with age? Not that any of this actually has anything to do with a child sitting at a table to eat a meal.

Because children need to follow rules sometimes and sitting down for a meal is hardly unreasonable.
Letting your kids wander during a meal isn't really doing them any favours tbh.

But today's children are much more obese than children of even a generation ago. So the grazing isn't working that well is it?

For @Hufflepods

1. In England, the child obesity rate in Reception (aged 4-5) increased from 9.9% in 2006 to 22.0% in 2020.
2. In England, the child obesity rate in Year 6 (aged 10-11) increased from 18.7% in 2006 to 34.1% in 2020.

https://www.futurefit.co.uk/blog/obesity-statistics-uk/

I think this is more about families who have been out working all day while the children have been at school and sitting down together to share a meal is lovely. Your children can tell you about school and their friends, and you can catch up after not seeing each other all day. It doesn't have to be everyday, but maybe a few times a week.

I don't agree sitting at the table is lovely I hate it personally. I know it's from my own childhood. I feel very tense being made to sit round a table. In my childhood sitting at the table was just my parents arguing. Dad had been brought up very strictly. He would sit there snipping at my mum if we didn't comply to strict manners (no elbows on the table etc). Of course it was all her fault nothing to do with him. My sister has autism (I strongly suspect) and can't do chewing noises so she would often meltdown at the table. My mums cooking is terrible so it was a case of choke down as little as you could get away with.

I'd rather chat whilst doing a board game/ drawing/ puzzle or whatever. Putting loads of rules around eating just makes me anxious. As others have said as adults people will manage in restaurants etc (I do) if they have to without bloody table manners being drilled into them as children. I really feel strongly that it's not a battle worth fighting for the sake of conforming in restaurants or at others houses. Doing it for the sake of it is just miserable.