Grandchildren's eating habits AIBU?

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I love my grandson, but feel irritated about his eating habits. I'm posting here to see if this behaviour is the new normal and I'm being picky.
He's 6. I cooked a meal for them yesterday - a bit of salad and some tortellini, with sauce to add if they wanted to i.e. deliberately bland (but this applies to all meals we have with them).
So, firstly, he doesn't sit down at the table, but kneels or leans. Then he takes a mouth or two, and then wanders off. Then, a few minutes later, he reappears and might take a bit more, or, if what he wants is gone, gets given something else, like toast.
and then, about 30 minutes later, he'll want some of the pudding. And get given it.
I always used to say (when I had children) that you didn't get pudding if you hadn't eaten at least some of the main course and, once you'd got down from the table, that was it and you had to wait until the next meal.
Parenting is hard enough, without making it harder than needs be.
AIBU?

If you’re not happy with how your grandson eats, I would ask his parents for help.

Life is very different for some people now and things aren’t always done as they were-for better or worse. As you know, he’ll soon grow up and probably won’t want to spend much time with his grandmother at all, so perhaps try to enjoy the time now rather than worry about discipline at mealtimes-leave that to his parents.

I mean you say parenting is hard enough without making it harder than it needs to be but you are out there denying the kid healthy food(fruit and a yogurt) because he didn't eat the other healthy food the way you wanted him to. That seems like making things way harder than they need to be but you seem to be getting a kick out of that.
Crack on doing it the way you want to your house your rules and all of that but when the parents realise you are being so judgy about their parenting you have started petty threads on mumsnet about it don't be shocked when they make being a present grandparent hard for you.

You are def not being unreasonable. In our house my two and any other children coming to eat have always sat at the table. Never really gave any other option unless they were having a picnic in the garden.
I also class tortellini (spinach and ricotta) as quite plain pasta that i will offer to children either with butter and cheese or a tomato sauce.
The one thing I have never insisted on was finishing all their dinner, as long as they'd eaten a reasonable amount and that once they finished they leave the table. TBF mine are not food waters nor fussy eaters and I know how much toserve them or they serve themselves.
We do have tv dinner too sometimes depending on what's being served and if there is something we all want to watch together. I have to sayI'm not a fan of bad table manners. We also eat out quite a bit at weekends so I like them to know how to behave at a table in public.

Ultimately it is your house your rules and I don't see any issues with nanna showing him some new ways and habits.

I wouldn't want that happening at 6 and bet it's not allowed at school.

What would his parents say if you said 'New rules for mealtimes, we stay at the table at Granny's house until we are done'?

Nope. If I was looking after GC, they sat at a table. They either ate it or left it. No arguments, but nothing afterwards (Puddings, sweets) if they didn't.

My adult (now) GCs now eat and sit properly.

Have you escaped from of the pro ana threads here somewhere? Of course fruit and yogurt is perfectly healthy food there is no 'per se' about it.

Which parent did you ask OP?

because my husband tells his mother our kids will eat all kids of food they don’t. Combination of:

• missing the detail. He’d say yes to tortellini as it’s ‘pasta’ but I know that one DC is a hard no on any filled pasta and the other a maybe and simple pasta better
• over optimism. He hopes / wishes our kids were more adventurous eaters than they are
• people pleasing fear of his controlling parents . He doesn’t want to put his mum out / disappoint her. (she’s also pretty judgy about our parenting and if he told her they’d rather plain pasta she’d huff about his it IS pasta and we’re crap parents because they’re so picky).

so overall I don’t think your ‘i y the parent’ is the slam dunk you think it is unless they’re the primary carer and specifically said they have it all the time.

the up / down from the table thing is a not your circus / not your monkeys issue. Some parents make their kids sit at the table to eat, some don’t. And some kids can and some can’t. Seems your adult child isn’t prioritising this so you either say something to them (but accept that will be perceived a judgy criticism) or suck it up.

i now tell my MIL direct and very specifically what the kids will eat. As although she thinks they are too picked she hates cooking for them and it not being eaten even more. they do then eat at her house when she provides what they like and I make sure they sit at the table to eat. It’s kids meal paced though 10 mins and done and get down to play. Grandparents have often forgotten that an adult paced meal of eating and conversation is way too long and boring for children.

i don’t know any under 10s who like salad.

I personally don't see the issue, your at grannies it's chill zone. Mine sat when in public but could vary depending on the mood.

I wasnt having rows with children about Food after a long day of everyone conforming to rules elsewhere. Speak to the parents if they want rules then go ahead if not then leave him be.

Well it's a good job you taught them how to sit! It'd be a real shame if they were like all of the other grown ups you see wandering around restaurants not able to sit for a meal 😂

Regardless of whether he liked his dinner or not, he shouldn't be wandering around the house when he's been told to sit at the table.

It's true what a lot of posters have said, he wouldn't be allowed to do it at school.

He's 6 years old, not a toddler so he should be able to stay where he's told.

i don’t know any under 10s who like salad.

This is so strange ^^

My 3 DC didn't have particularly wide pallets at all but all of them liked some sort of salad, and I loved it as a kid!

Fruit yoghurt is not healthy.

It’s hard as it sounds like parents are there too.
So anything Op says - it’s lunchtime you need to sit at table, have you finished, looks like a dig at parents.
It’s also harder as he’s 6 not 2 or 3.
I think I’d start with getting a suitable chair/booster (facebook marketplace) so he can sit comfortably.
Could he help with prep and carrying to table so he feels more involved. Let him write place cards. Give him a job eg sprinkling cheese on for everyone.

Depends what mean by salad but sliced cucumber, cherry tomatoes, carrot batons are usually popular with small children ime.

Yes to those things. It’s the leaves - lettuce, rocket etc - yet to meet an under 10 that likes them.

carrot sticks, cucumber, cherry tomatoes all the way!

My kids were made to sit at the table and eat correctly. They carried this on with their kids.
The end result is everyone sits and eats correctly both inside the home and eating out.
There is nothing wrong with implementing good table manners from the moment they're able to sit at a table.

DS2 gets up, does a few jumps/skips or wanders into the hallway and comes back to carry on eating, because he is ND and really cannot sit still for long other than in a vehicle or the buggy (and only if they're moving). It does make meals less relaxing, but what can you do? He is better at sitting while he actually eats at least.

I don't make my kids eat everything to get dessert, if there's something I know they are fussy about but have put a bit "to try" then next time they might be upset about even having it on the plate, making them even less likely to try a bit. If it's a meal where they like all of it and they've eaten a bit of everything (some meat, some veg and some potatoes) then it's still balanced, iyswim.

Right break it down for then? What is 'unhealthy' about fruit? We must be operating off really different definitions if you look at a strawberry and go eesh might as well be eating Skittles mate. And yogurt? I presume the OP is talking about Greek yogurt the type you would traditionally pair with fruit. What's your issue with that then?

I’m sure. But you have misunderstood my post because I didn’t suggest either of those things referred to you. But given that your experience of “English food culture” doesn’t match mine, and I am half British with an English food culture, it’s pretty clear that you don’t have a full picture of it.

Ugh, such uptight attitudes in this thread. Forcing kids to sit and finish their plate is linked to eating disorders and obesity. For those people saying he wouldn't be allowed to move around at school, have you ever seen kids in a canteen? They're up and down and chatting away like crazy, they can't sit still. Even if this were remotely true, Granny's should be a happy place, not a boring, strict environment. It's tea at Granny's house, not tea with the fucking Queen.

Let kids be kids and let their parents do their job. Stop interfering.

Most people who are older adults now did have to sit down at the table at mealtimes.