Splitting the bill - ended up paying 3x my consumption

[Jyas]

Not an AIBU but more a WWYD…I’m in a hobby group and about every 2-3 months we treat ourselves to a nice dinner. There’s usually 8-10 of us and we always split the bill. It’s normally around £50 per person. This week we went to a restaurant which was more on the upper end of what we usually go for. Mains were £25 - £45. We all chose our food, but when ordering, the waiter managed to talk 3 of us into trying ‘the chefs special’. This was a rather elaborate and unusual dish, he didn’t mention the price but I would have thought it would be between £55-£60 at least from the description. When the bill came, they realised that it was over £90. The 3 offered to take one bottle of wine out of the total and share it between them to make up for their expensive dish.
In the end we paid £110 each and they paid £125 each. However, my main was £25 and plus drinks (i only had one water and one glass of wine from the shared bottle, others had much more to drink, and most had a starter but i didn’t). I would have paid around £40. So I ended up paying 3x as much.

We all really don’t mind if we pay a bit more than we consumed and we regularly go out eating together so things balance itself out. I was aware that the bill would be split and I was happy to do as usual (before knowing what their dish costed) so I couldn’t really say anything and I just paid, but I feel that £40 compared to £110 was just too big a difference on that occasion.
Would you have said anything, even tough everyone knew in advance that the bill would be split?

Next time, say at the start that you would rather pay for your own.
We often do drinks as we go which makes splitting the food easier.

This used to happen so much when I worked at a large veterinary practice and we went out as a group of about 20 people. One time after everyone had thrown in "their share" to the pot, we were still about £90 short. Cue confused looks around the table, making sure everyone had paid etc. Then there was literally awkward silence as everyone stared at each other. It was clear that nobody was going to chip more in, and in the end myself and one other veterinary nurse split the difference between us so we could literally leave the restaurant and settle the bill. Bear in mind this was a group of fairly high earning vets and us nurses who were on very poor pay in comparison. I am now older and wiser and less eager to please, no way would I do this now. When I think back I cannot believe they allowed two young nurses to foot the discrepancy. And now I ask for a separate bill. Lesson learnt.

Yes I definitely would’ve said something at the time and I’m shocked at the amount of people who wouldn’t! How on earth do you cope with daily life when you can’t even say “oh, actually I’ll just pay for what I had as it was much cheaper”. That doesn’t take balls of steel, it’s a complete non issue. I would really work on being able to speak up for yourself OP as this to me is a complete non problem that wouldn’t have taken any consideration or bravery.

iIn the situation the OP was in, there could be a time when the person only consuming £40 literally doesn’t have enough to cover the CF’s extras. I would actually say ‘I’ve only got £50 on me to cover my share and a tip’

I hate bill splitting in large groups. It’s either someone takes piss and let’s others subsidise them or else someone gets their calculator out and we end up sitting for ages while everyone counts out their exact share.

I would have had to say something. We had it once where we went to an Indian Restaurant that let you take your own booze in. We were a bit skint but wanted to be there for a friends birthday, so managed to share a curry with rice and drink our own booze whilst lots of other people ordered loads of dishes and drank lots of the restaurants beers. It caused a bit of aggro, as some that had ordered loads just wanted to split the bill. We just paid for ours and left them to it. 🙈🤣 Now when we go out as a group we just bank transfer what we've had to whoever is going to pay the bill, usually with a little bit extra to cover a tip, and a bit extra for the hassle of the person having to pay. So much easier that way, and a lot fairer as some of us like to drink more than others and I don't think it's fair if someone has to pay more to cover our booze.

It really isn’t if you just do it. Who cares what the “expectation” might be?

I get that it's a slightly awkward situation but you say these people are your friends (even though those who had the ridiculously expensive dish should be embarrassed and ashamed to allow their companions subsidise their meal).

I would have laughed at the suggestion of splitting the bill with a "ah here, I'm not paying £110 for a £40 meal, no chance!".

No doubt others would have agreed with you and a new, fairer, means of dividing up the bill would have been established.

I'm all for a quiet life but I draw the line at paying £110 for a £40 dinner! That's just allowing yourself to be mugged off.

No, this is where you're going wrong. They are people you like hanging out with and you're paying the price of hanging out with them. Friends don't treat each other like this.

There's no way I'd have ordered the most expensive thing on the menu and expected others to cover the cost in their bills! CFs.

I’d be bloody furious, no way would I pay an EXTRA £70 for someone else’s lovely dinner. And shame on those 3 who think everyone else should pay for their very expensive choice.

Im dying to know what the £90 main was....

I always pay for what I eat. I don’t drink, usually get tap water. I often don’t have a side either. I’ve always made it clear and people usually split what’s left after my share has been paid.

Once I went for a meal and planned to pay what I ate which was fine. A £5 pizza and tap water as I was skint. But then we found that there was a 10% automatic charge added as we were a large group. Most just wanted to split that but that meant they wanted another £5 off me by splitting it. 10% was only 50p for me so I made it quite clear I wasn’t paying a %100 service charge on top of my meal when I was skint and chose my food accordingly so I could attend. People were really awkward with me. This was a long time ago when £5 was alot of money.

I think it is rude of the people who racked up to the bill to expect others to split the cost. I’m happy to split where there is only a few £’s difference in everyone’s meals but if someone isn’t drinking or some people are having expensive starters it’s much easier to pay for what you’ve had. I’d be embarrassed if I was someone who’d ordered a £90 main and then split the bill with others who’d had a £25 main! Bloody cheek!

This is why I ask for a separate bill if we didn't order similar things. It's always the CF who orders expensive meals and alcohol who insists on splitting the bill. I refuse to subsidise them.

Why not just ask for a separate bill at the start of the meal.
'I may need to dash off to take a call so I'm going to get a separate bill so I can pay quickly if I have to leave.'
Job done.

This always happens to me.
I am vegetarian and don’t eat huge amounts (usually no starter or dessert), I also generally drive as I live in the middle of nowhere. So a meal out for me would be a lower price main (veggie dishes are usually not as expensive) plus one Diet Coke or water. However, I generally end up paying two or three times the value of my meal as the others eat 3 courses and drink wine or cocktails and bills are always split equally.

I have never said anything because I don’t want to be seen to be the awkward one but I am basically there to subsidise everyone else. I try to see it as the cost of an evening out with my friends rather than paying for a meal.

Last time I went out, a friend offered to drive so I ordered an expensive cocktail and a starter, so I could get my money’s worth, but then I could only eat half my main and I was so sick later that evening from all the rich food plus some alcohol. It wasn’t worth it!

Absolutely. I’m happy to split when it’s a few £ difference and tbh my friends are always fair about things like that. If someone had more expensive main or an extra drink, they’ll leave the tip.

I couldn’t have kept quiet on this one

I actually think the people that ordered a main that costs 90 pounds should have piped up and paid separately for their meal. That is an extortionate price for a main and so rude to expect others to contribute to it, taking out a bottle of wine no where near covered it. I would never expect others to pay for my expensive meal.

This happened to me a good few years ago on a friends hen night. Knew the hen and a couple of others but not her friends who organised it. I was pregnant at the time so only had one small glass of wine and my meal, along with a coffee. Bill was split between us all (not the hen obviously) and I ended up paying about £50 more than my actual meal because they had all been drinking. Didnt say anything (wish I had, as I moaned about it for years :-) ) but now I would say if I couldnt afford it all, or the fact that it was not very fair in the 1st place. I was also a bit miffed that nobody thought to say "oh you are pregnant, you dont have to pay the alcohol share"!

Me and my friends eat out regularly and always split the bill but there has been times when one of us might not be drinking or can't stay too long so only orders a starter or just a main and we always take them out of the splitting bill bit. I have also gone home only to find my revolut account credited with a note saying on reflection you drank loads less than the rest of us or didn't order a dessert so we have credited you back a bit. That's what good manners and thoughtful friends do. Why would anyone be comfortable with someone in your group subsidising everyone elses grub and drink

No. Work weren't paying. It was an unofficial get together and we were paying ourselves. He mentioned that he'd have steak if the bill was being split but would go for a cheaper option if not. It was blatant CFery at its finest.

I can't stand all that 'you had a starter and I didn't' or 'your main cost £5.50 more than mine' kind of thing so am generally an advocate for just splitting a bill. But your scenario is a different kettle of piss taking fish. Can't believe you didn't say something at the time.

This though I appreciate its not easy, depends on how well you know the group.

I have been in this situation lots of times with smaller amounts of money and admittedly mostly (not always!) just sucked it up but this is too much money.

As a group you got borderline scammed by the restaurant. I wouldn't return and I would warn people that an offer of a "chef's special" will be hugely expensive.

Normally I'd say it's rude to order top-end mains or lots of expensive alcohol when it's a bill-split, but in your case the special-eaters weren't expecting it.

I would always make sure I ate as much and drank as much as other people in these split the bill situations. However I think they should have voluntarily made more of an adjustment to account for their expensive choice.