Page 15 | Splitting the bill - ended up paying 3x my consumption

Jyas · 2023-08-03T21:16:03+00:00

Not an AIBU but more a WWYD…I’m in a hobby group and about every 2-3 months we treat ourselves to a nice dinner. There’s usually 8-10 of us and we always split the bill. It’s normally around £50 per person. This week we went to a restaurant which was more on the upper end of what we usually go for. Mains were £25 - £45. We all chose our food, but when ordering, the waiter managed to talk 3 of us into trying ‘the chefs special’. This was a rather elaborate and unusual dish, he didn’t mention the price but I would have thought it would be between £55-£60 at least from the description. When the bill came, they realised that it was over £90. The 3 offered to take one bottle of wine out of the total and share it between them to make up for their expensive dish. In the end we paid £110 each and they paid £125 each. However, my main was £25 and plus drinks (i only had one water and one glass of wine from the shared bottle, others had much more to drink, and most had a starter but i didn’t). I would have paid around £40. So I ended up paying 3x as much. We all really don’t mind if we pay a bit more than we consumed and we regularly go out eating together so things balance itself out. I was aware that the bill would be split and I was happy to do as usual (before knowing what their dish costed) so I couldn’t really say anything and I just paid, but I feel that £40 compared to £110 was just too big a difference on that occasion. Would you have said anything, even tough everyone knew in advance that the bill would be split?

CurlewKate · 04/08/2023 18:00

@Jyas I really don't understand how that works mathematically. Are you sure the bill was right?

LuluBlakey1 · 04/08/2023 18:01

I have no qualms about speaking up about this sort of stuff. Once I did it, it became easy. Now I just do it at the start of a meal if I am going to do it. DH and I were out with friends a few weeks ago and we always just split the bill- two couples, we eat and drink about the same, it's usually fair. This night it wasn't- her brother and SIL turned up with them. At the end our friend said to DH 'We'll just split it as usual'. DH looked a bit embarrassed but said nothing and I spoke up and said something like 'Not tonight. 3 couples so we should split it 3 ways'. He immediately said 'Yes, of course' and that's what we did. Afterwards DH says 'Big of an awkward moment when he just wanted to split the bill.' But he wasn't going to say anything.

Just say it. At the start is easiest,
'Split the bill or each get a bill?' if you don't mind which just so it's clear.
'We'll just get a separate bill'
' Let's just pay for ourselves- we can tell the waiter when he takes the order so he does them separately'.
'My treat.'

I like to order what I want and I always worry if I choose something extra if we are splitting a bill. Also, I/we have been cheeky fuckered too many times in the past.

I had a friend who did it regularly- would meet up with her and her two kids and at the end she'd say 'Just go halves' - both kids had had meals, puds and drinks. I was single at the time. She bought me a birthday and Christmas present , I bought her and two kids a birthday and Christmas presents. I bought 3 icecreams if I treated them, she bought 1 if she treated me. She knew what she was doing. She wasn't badly off at all

We have friends, a couple, who drink like fish. They always go home in a cab plastered. They can drink 5 bottles of wine between them with dinner and have G and Ts before. DH falls over after 3 drinks so sticks to 2 and I rarely drink more than 3 drinks because I can tell the next day. They would split the bill if we went along with it.

I don't count pennies with bills but I'm past being taken advantage of.

LuluBlakey1 · 04/08/2023 18:13

I recall one night with a group of about 10 friends we all agreed 'we'll all just cover our own rounded up to the nearest fiver' which Dh and I did and I came back from the loo to find DH and another friend , having counted up the money (in times past) , and it was £35 short. We never found out who it was. We all just paid another £5 (there would have been no tip otherwise) . So somebody paid almost nothing and never let on.

Underestimated4 · 04/08/2023 18:14

I wouldn’t of this occasion because I’m not good at been court off guard. But to be honest had I been the other person I would have insisted on paying more because my share was more. I have certain friends I always split the bill with, and others I don’t. I’ve learnt from what they’re like.

GC1 · 04/08/2023 18:18

I don't drink and I never split the bill when there's more than 3 of us! Always pay my own got stung by this once when 2 people were ordering the most expensive and more drinks ects than the rest. That pissed me off never again

Indigotree · 04/08/2023 18:22

Doingtheboxerbeat · 03/08/2023 22:31

God I hate posts like this, because it highlights how poor I have always been because, despite how polite I am, I have ALWAYS said I will pay my own share plus tip. I can't allow being short of money to happen because everybody else is having expensive wine/ steak and dessert that they can afford .

Me too. I always say no to splitting the bill, as I can't afford it.
I've spoken up in groups about preferring to go to less expensive restaurants too, but others prefer expensive places, so Iend up sitting with a side portion of chips while everyone else enjoys a meal.

ManchesterLu · 04/08/2023 18:31

This happened to me once before. I had a simple pasta and a water, cost £6. Ended up paying £20 because the rest of them decided to split (which, to be fair, we always used to).

Now, if money is tight and I want to pay separately, I'll always say at the beginning of the meal, perhaps in the group text if one's been set up to plan the event.

misteek · 04/08/2023 18:42

surely the prices are opposite the description of the meal on menus, ive never eaten anywhere that hasnt happened.

Noodles1234 · 04/08/2023 18:45

A good sentence starter for this if you’re a bit non confident is “oh dear, on this occasion I think this is a bit high for me” you will probably find the others agreeing and a mutual settlement.

A few years ago I had something similar, a few but one person in particular took a penchant with shots of expensive spirits. On downing one of their higher numbers I informed them (in a bright and breezy tone), “well you carry on as you’re paying for those not us”! He didn’t have many more, the brass neck of some baffles me!

SamW98 · 04/08/2023 18:46

misteek · 04/08/2023 18:42

surely the prices are opposite the description of the meal on menus, ive never eaten anywhere that hasnt happened.

And the specials are usually on a board clearly priced.

As well as the split of the bill OP, I think your whole group been mugged off.

SoTiredOfAllTheSh17 · 04/08/2023 18:47

We pay for drinks each as and when we order them (some don’t drink alcohol so it’s fair) then when get the bill it’s for food only and we can then pay for whatever courses we eat

Asparagus1 · 04/08/2023 18:48

They’ve taken the piss, if they were decent people they would insist everyone just paid for what they had had!

BoredZelda · 04/08/2023 18:54

The question was WWYD. Of course people are going to suggest the OP speaks up and says something.

In my experience, the only people who ever complain about not splitting the bill are the ones who have fillet steak and cocktails and expect others to pay for it.

Crikeyalmighty · 04/08/2023 18:58

@gannett Yep- I think it's that too.

RachelGreeneGreep · 04/08/2023 18:58

LuluBlakey1 · 04/08/2023 18:01

I have no qualms about speaking up about this sort of stuff. Once I did it, it became easy. Now I just do it at the start of a meal if I am going to do it. DH and I were out with friends a few weeks ago and we always just split the bill- two couples, we eat and drink about the same, it's usually fair. This night it wasn't- her brother and SIL turned up with them. At the end our friend said to DH 'We'll just split it as usual'. DH looked a bit embarrassed but said nothing and I spoke up and said something like 'Not tonight. 3 couples so we should split it 3 ways'. He immediately said 'Yes, of course' and that's what we did. Afterwards DH says 'Big of an awkward moment when he just wanted to split the bill.' But he wasn't going to say anything.

Just say it. At the start is easiest,
'Split the bill or each get a bill?' if you don't mind which just so it's clear.
'We'll just get a separate bill'
' Let's just pay for ourselves- we can tell the waiter when he takes the order so he does them separately'.
'My treat.'

I like to order what I want and I always worry if I choose something extra if we are splitting a bill. Also, I/we have been cheeky fuckered too many times in the past.

I had a friend who did it regularly- would meet up with her and her two kids and at the end she'd say 'Just go halves' - both kids had had meals, puds and drinks. I was single at the time. She bought me a birthday and Christmas present , I bought her and two kids a birthday and Christmas presents. I bought 3 icecreams if I treated them, she bought 1 if she treated me. She knew what she was doing. She wasn't badly off at all

We have friends, a couple, who drink like fish. They always go home in a cab plastered. They can drink 5 bottles of wine between them with dinner and have G and Ts before. DH falls over after 3 drinks so sticks to 2 and I rarely drink more than 3 drinks because I can tell the next day. They would split the bill if we went along with it.

I don't count pennies with bills but I'm past being taken advantage of.

Well done, and I would do the same.
What was that guy thinking, that they could bring along another couple and they would just sponge off the rest of you. 🙄

To hell with that!

Imisssleep2 · 04/08/2023 19:05

If you weren't happy with it, then maybe when they were discussing the 3 that had the chef special paying extra, you should have spoken up and said on this occasion maybe we should all pay for what we had plus tip? I would feel cheated in your scenario but if people didn't realise and thought that was fair and you didn't speak up at the time how would people know?

Beastieboys · 04/08/2023 19:10

I've had a similar situation twice before. Once as a student nurse , was really skint at the time and rationed myself to a pizza dessert and half of lager cost about £12
The other end of the table were going all out, cocktails the lot.
Bill when split came to over £40/45 each I said what I'd had and my situation and handed over my money plus tip and received shocked faces and mutterings for the rest of the evening....

Second time was a family meal to which my low waged young adult children were invited. I was the only one earning a half descent wage and Knowing their situation I offered to pay for the 6 of us but within a budget per person they gladly agreed and proceeded to order frugally and were enjoying us all being out together.
When the bill arrived I again handed over our share plus tip only to be told that they needed more because it was short and they had put in their share , rightly pissed off I asked in which dream did 4pts of lager and 6 pizzas equate to the same cost as 3pts+& 6+ large red wines , multiple soft drinks ,starters, mains,sides ,desserts and coffees that the other 4 had consumed .
No insight to how others have to get by

BigBeeee · 04/08/2023 19:14

Oh £110 is a lot. I wouldn't have been happy but would not have said anything. The only people who were free to say something were the people who ordered the expensive meal. They should have said 'we can't let everyone pay for our specials'. They didn't. You'll not be the only one who is annoyed. The restaurant is at fault for not pointing out the extreme price difference. It does sound like an isolated incident so I would try to forget about it.

Kim729 · 04/08/2023 19:28

LuluBlakey1 · 04/08/2023 18:13

I recall one night with a group of about 10 friends we all agreed 'we'll all just cover our own rounded up to the nearest fiver' which Dh and I did and I came back from the loo to find DH and another friend , having counted up the money (in times past) , and it was £35 short. We never found out who it was. We all just paid another £5 (there would have been no tip otherwise) . So somebody paid almost nothing and never let on.

Yeah I’ve been the one caught like this before during my sister’s birthday meal I’d booked - and my husband’s actually. It was a lot more than this on both occasions. I think they all missed off service and forgot about the cocktails they downed all night. The worst part is nowadays he will just say to me when it’s his birthday, “Let’s just do dinner with just us.” He was mortified at the time that I was so out of pocket when it came to me paying whatever was left at the end and wanted to pay on his own birthday. Sad really. So many CFs about it doesn’t even surprise me anymore so we tend to do our own thing or make it clear at the start with waiting staff we’ll have a separate tab (“as we like three courses, sides and wine”).

Namddf · 04/08/2023 19:29

*Me: 'So it's £42 each if we include a tip"
(Susan): 'No, but you weren't drinking, so you need to pay less than the others'
(Sarah): 'And I had the steak, whereas Jane just had a salad, so I need to pay more too'
(Jane): 'No, don't worry about it, I'm happy to pay the split, but Mary should definitely pay less as she didn't have a pudding'
(Mary): 'Nah, just split the whole thing, I really don't mind'
(Susan): 'Let me at least cover the tip for everyone'

and on and on and on.*

No one enjoys this sort of conversation, but my point is it doesn’t have to be like this if everyone just quickly tots up roughly what they had in their head and rounds it up and then sticks that on a card.

I suppose the problem comes when people have shared bottles of wine…

This is why I just don’t go to group meals!

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 04/08/2023 19:34

Asparagus1 · 04/08/2023 18:48

They’ve taken the piss, if they were decent people they would insist everyone just paid for what they had had!

It’s difficult though when you are sharing wine (or any food/other drinks like water). People never know what they’ve had or forget about the communal stuff

Oriunda · 04/08/2023 19:36

This is why I love the 'pay your own bill' facility at my favourite restaurant chain in France. Scan the qr code, find the itemised bill, click on what you had and pay just that element. Job done.

CantFindTheBeat · 04/08/2023 19:42

Did the three group members know that the Chef's special was £90?

If not, and that's double-ish them price of a typical main, then the restaurant are cheeky bastards and I'd let them know it.

That said - if you are all agreeing to go to a restaurant where mains are £25-45 each, I can see why people don't assume you're on a tight budget.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/08/2023 20:19

misteek · 04/08/2023 18:42

surely the prices are opposite the description of the meal on menus, ive never eaten anywhere that hasnt happened.

Not when daily specials that are NOT on the menu are offered, as is very common.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/08/2023 20:21

BigBeeee · 04/08/2023 19:14

Oh £110 is a lot. I wouldn't have been happy but would not have said anything. The only people who were free to say something were the people who ordered the expensive meal. They should have said 'we can't let everyone pay for our specials'. They didn't. You'll not be the only one who is annoyed. The restaurant is at fault for not pointing out the extreme price difference. It does sound like an isolated incident so I would try to forget about it.

She easily could have said "There's quite a wide range among our meal costs; let's just each pay our own bill this time."