Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Splitting the bill - ended up paying 3x my consumption

523 replies

Jyas · 03/08/2023 22:16

Not an AIBU but more a WWYD…I’m in a hobby group and about every 2-3 months we treat ourselves to a nice dinner. There’s usually 8-10 of us and we always split the bill. It’s normally around £50 per person. This week we went to a restaurant which was more on the upper end of what we usually go for. Mains were £25 - £45. We all chose our food, but when ordering, the waiter managed to talk 3 of us into trying ‘the chefs special’. This was a rather elaborate and unusual dish, he didn’t mention the price but I would have thought it would be between £55-£60 at least from the description. When the bill came, they realised that it was over £90. The 3 offered to take one bottle of wine out of the total and share it between them to make up for their expensive dish.
In the end we paid £110 each and they paid £125 each. However, my main was £25 and plus drinks (i only had one water and one glass of wine from the shared bottle, others had much more to drink, and most had a starter but i didn’t). I would have paid around £40. So I ended up paying 3x as much.

We all really don’t mind if we pay a bit more than we consumed and we regularly go out eating together so things balance itself out. I was aware that the bill would be split and I was happy to do as usual (before knowing what their dish costed) so I couldn’t really say anything and I just paid, but I feel that £40 compared to £110 was just too big a difference on that occasion.
Would you have said anything, even tough everyone knew in advance that the bill would be split?

OP posts:
MawSandra · 04/08/2023 15:45

Rainbowqueeen · 03/08/2023 22:42

To be honest I would not have expected the situation to arise because I would expect the people who had the chefs special to immediately say that they would pay their bill separately. That’s what a decent person would do. It may have been unexpected to them but they shouldn’t expect other people to pay for their mistake in not enquiring.

Yes I would have said something but I’m old and not willing to put up with a lack of manners like this any more. I do recognise how difficult this is for many people though

This. There could habe been two bills, one for the £90+ lot and one for the others.

Thisseatisnotavailable · 04/08/2023 15:53

Actually I think I would have said something to the server.

They should not be selling you up to something double the price of other dishes without telling you the price!

Was it something that you would expect to be a lot more expensive, like maybe lobster or something? In which case the people ordering it should have asked what the price was before ordering.

It might be worth emailing the restaurant to say something, that you feel you were sold something that wasn't clearly represented, they might offer you a voucher or something.

HGNewMum · 04/08/2023 15:55

I think it’s worse that they offered to pay for the wine. They’re acknowledging that they owe more than other people but not still paying their fair share. Also if they’re separating out the wine they might as well separate out the meals!

Livelifelaughter · 04/08/2023 16:00

I wouldn't say "my share is £40" because in the past you have always split the bill. But l do feel it's off that the 3 who ordered the really expensive meal didn't offer to pay a chunk more. Regarding the wine, I think it's a bit all or nothing so if you have had something to drink I think it's fair to pay for that.
I was in a restaurant where they upsold me a dish without telling me the price difference; it's very poor and would be a factor in one's choice. Again easy to say in hindsight but I actually refused to pay the increased amount and they agreed in the end.

Livelifelaughter · 04/08/2023 16:01

HGNewMum · 04/08/2023 15:55

I think it’s worse that they offered to pay for the wine. They’re acknowledging that they owe more than other people but not still paying their fair share. Also if they’re separating out the wine they might as well separate out the meals!

I agree...

ThereIbledit · 04/08/2023 16:08

@Namddf
But you see, I’ve done this and my friends HATE it. They always say how they don’t like ‘quibbling over the bill’ and prefer to just split it.

I’ve been in so many situations where I’ve had to pay almost twice as much as I’ve eaten and drunk to cover people’s steaks/wine and been sniffed at when I complain that now I just don’t go out for meals with friends. Sad but true.

Well, cheeky fuckers will expensive tastes will hate it when they might have to pay for what they actually had, yes. That's one of the signs that they're cheeky fuckers.

You could always do what a friend of mine did, and put the cash for what they had on the table (rounded up to the nearest £5 or so for ease), tell them that's what you have done and go to the loo while they sort and pay the bill.

Any CFery in response to that can be met with a blunt "That's more than enough to cover what I had. You split the rest of it between you however you like." and walk off to the loo, or out to the car for a smoke/phone call, or whatever.

LolaSmiles · 04/08/2023 16:08

Would you have said anything, even tough everyone knew in advance that the bill would be split?

I probably would have said something prior to the more expensive venue being chosen.

Splitting the bill when everyone eats around the same thing and everyone knows that it's usually £50 give or take, is different to booking a fancy restaurant, nobody paying attention to the prices and then finding the bill is a shock.

At the point where the bill came, I'd have expected the people who ordered the £90 dish to say "of course we'll pay more because it was our mistake". It's cf territory that they didn't in my opinion. If I felt very cynical, they could probably have guessed that the chef special at a fancy place was going to be £££.

Next time I'd speak up prior to the venue being chosen so everyone is on the same page.

sparkleshin · 04/08/2023 16:21

those who expected you to pay that should be embarrassed not you

TempName247 · 04/08/2023 16:25

Tidsleytiddy · 04/08/2023 13:56

So you’re saying I wouldn’t pay my share? If you read my posts I’ve said I don’t care who has what. I don’t care if whoever I’m with has 100 quid’s worth of food and drinks and i have half of that. It’s our evening out and we would split the bill half and half. Shut you down? Learn to read. If you pick over who’s had what with a calculator, well good luck to you. You’re the miser. I think you just fancy an argument

Show quote history

You must have a limit to that though, you’re comfortable with it because you can afford within reason any discrepancy but what if they ordered a £200/£500/1k bottle of champers or something

thecatsthecats · 04/08/2023 16:31

DysmalRadius · 03/08/2023 23:02

Your friends are dicks then. If they don't like quibbling over the bill, then you paying separately shouldn't be a problem - no quibbling, no fuss. What they really don't like is not being subsidised by unwitting non-drinkers who won't reduce their bill by splitting under the pretence that they think it's 'fair' or that talking about money is vulgar. Sponging off your friends and trying to shame them into putting up with it is more vulgar and classless than any money chat could ever be.

Show quote history

Very much this.

It only becomes quibbling if people don't immediately say, "Of course, knock your £20 off the £170 then split the remainder between the rest of us".

My BIL spoiled the end of my sister's birthday meal by saying horrible things about her friends working out their share.

(I am a greedy guts so preempt by offering to pay more than an even split because I'll have had the steak, the sides etc - takes the onus off the person who spent least.)

Tidsleytiddy · 04/08/2023 16:36

TempName247 · 04/08/2023 16:25

You must have a limit to that though, you’re comfortable with it because you can afford within reason any discrepancy but what if they ordered a £200/£500/1k bottle of champers or something

Show quote history

Well we’d order that between us surely. Who just orders 500 quid’s worth of champagne for themselves??

calmcoco · 04/08/2023 16:36

Tidsleytiddy · 04/08/2023 13:56

So you’re saying I wouldn’t pay my share? If you read my posts I’ve said I don’t care who has what. I don’t care if whoever I’m with has 100 quid’s worth of food and drinks and i have half of that. It’s our evening out and we would split the bill half and half. Shut you down? Learn to read. If you pick over who’s had what with a calculator, well good luck to you. You’re the miser. I think you just fancy an argument

Show quote history

Goodness, I thought your approach was 'lighten up'?

I'm not a miser, that's why I always ensure I cover my spend and would never be so rude as to expect someone else to subsidise my night out.

I've never picked over a bill, I just put in an amount that I know covers my spend as that is good manners. I can do maths in my head, so no calculator required.

Tidsleytiddy · 04/08/2023 16:38

I don’t expect anyone to subsidise mine either. That was one of the points. What I’m trying to say is we don’t pick over the minutiae of who has had what. Whatever the bill is we share it between us

AppleTurnover1000Degrees · 04/08/2023 16:38

Tidsleytiddy · 04/08/2023 16:36

Well we’d order that between us surely. Who just orders 500 quid’s worth of champagne for themselves??

Show quote history

I think PP meant if 3 CF's ordered it.

Tidsleytiddy · 04/08/2023 16:39

It’s our night out. Have whatever you fancy! This is getting daft

DMLady · 04/08/2023 16:39

CorporaINobbyNobbs · 03/08/2023 22:32

£90 for a main course??? And they only paid £15 extra?

This! I really don’t think it should have been left to you to say something (or not) — the three with the exorbitantly high mains should have suggested paying for those themselves. Personally, I hate the thing of everyone totting up their own items (rather than just splitting the bill) BUT that only works if you can, a, all afford it and, b, have all consumed roughly the same (or do it often enough to know it all evens out over time). In this case I think the three should definitely have shouldered more of the bill, which would have made it fairer on you.

CurlewKate · 04/08/2023 16:49

I'm not sure how that would work mathematically. If 10 of you usually pay £50 each but this time 3 of you pay £100 each that should still make the average £65 each? What am I missing? (I'm rounding figures, of course.)

Acheeselovingneighbour · 04/08/2023 17:00

Jyas · 03/08/2023 22:53

But I’ll let it go now, in the end we’re all friends and regularly go out for food, this never had happened before…I was just wondering if backtracking on splitting the bill is acceptable in that case (although I would find if hard to speak up anyway)

I don't quite know why you posted then, other than to get agreement.

I am a splitter WHEN it is fair. There is no way I would sit by and see others pay for most of my meal. Not a chance I would accept it either.

You may think they are good friends OP, I disagree. They had no issue seeing you subsidise by a huge margin, their own personal bill.

I wouldn't see them in the same light.

MumGMT · 04/08/2023 17:04

Tidsleytiddy · 04/08/2023 11:41

Because it looks tight-fisted and petty. If you can’t afford an evening out say so and don’t go

It's far more tight fisted to expect others to pay for what you ordered. Some of the group didn't even cover the costs of what they had to eat or drink. They're the tight fisted ones.

Acheeselovingneighbour · 04/08/2023 17:15

MumGMT · 04/08/2023 17:04

It's far more tight fisted to expect others to pay for what you ordered. Some of the group didn't even cover the costs of what they had to eat or drink. They're the tight fisted ones.

Show quote history

Agree. There is a huge gaping hole between a few pounds and tens of pounds. I hate the bill dissection by some over a few pounds. Ill always cover the tip if there are those types at my table.

BUT the OP was walked over. I simply don't get how she didn't speak up and say hang on....... Given they are a close friendship group. Just weird to me.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/08/2023 17:17

One would have to be quite insecure to think that only paying to cover one's own meal, plus tip, is tight-fisted.

melj1213 · 04/08/2023 17:27

Tidsleytiddy · 04/08/2023 16:38

I don’t expect anyone to subsidise mine either. That was one of the points. What I’m trying to say is we don’t pick over the minutiae of who has had what. Whatever the bill is we share it between us

But you aren't acknowledging that there is a difference between the OPs situation, where they had to pay almost three times their meal price, and your made up situation where the difference is negligible.

I have asked before without answer but surely you must have a limit above which you would query a discrepancy? I am not going to quibble over £10 difference but I would probably quibble over a £20+ one, depending on the establishment, and I would 100% question paying nearly triple my expected bill regardless of where we were.

Humpobottomous · 04/08/2023 17:30

The people who ordered the expensive food should have covered the entire cost of what they ate and it’s extremely rude of them to not even offer and expect others to pick up the expense.

I wouldn’t go out with them again, they are not your friends,

Imsureitsprobablymebut · 04/08/2023 17:31

£90 for a main ????

I can’t believe that

WiddlinDiddlin · 04/08/2023 17:52

I'd normally say that the moment to say something has passed, and let it go but, I think in this case I would say something.

" I realise last night was unusual, however in splitting the bill that way I ended up paying 110 quid for a £40 meal which is not something I can really afford to do and I suspect other people will be in the same situation.

In future I suggest if people want to spend significantly more than the typical per head cost, we pay separately to avoid such situations again. I can suck up the cost of last night this time, but thought it better to raise it now than be in an awkward situation 'in the moment' in future.'