In not shouting dp down for tea?

[Rossannah]

I am preparing tea, dp is mooching about the house, glueing things he's broken etc. And we are chatting about our day etc. I put the food in the air fryer and set it for 10 minutes. He said have I got time for a shower? I said yes, it will be done in 10 minutes and pointed at the airfryer. It actually needed another 5 minutes. Once done, I dished it up and didn't shout him. That was 40 minutes ago. According to dd he's sat on the bed on his phone.

I think he should have come straight down, I know he Is waiting for me to shout him that it's done. Imo I didn't need to, he knew how long it was going to be. Yes I am petty but who is unreasonable?

Petty and childish.

When someone else is cooking in our house, I stay out of the way until they've called me. Same the other way round.

I’d have said that I was dishing up. I get distracted, as does my Dh, I let him know I’m dishing up so he can put on whatever sauces he wants/get a drink.

He knows how long 10 minutes is. You've cooked it, it isn't your responsibility to be sure a grown adult doesn't get distracted.

I hate it when my lot don't turn up after I have given them a count down. I will usually give a last 5 minute warning, if they don't come it's their own fault I'd it's cold.

Did you go ahead and eat without letting him know?
Bit petty.

You're absolutely right, this really annoys me too. Enjoy your tea, he can microwave his when he figures it out.

Why didn't your boyfriend come down anyway? Or does he spend a lot of time in his bedroom. Do you live together?

I don’t see the harm in letting him know, BUT you did say 10 minutes and 10 minutes is not a long time to wait. He chose to sit on his phone which he could have done close by considering the length of time. The shower was obviously not important nor his hunger if he’s not thought about it after 40 minutes.

I get annoyed when DP disappears in the garage when he sees I'm plating up and I then have to trek out to get him so I understand your frustration but I think it's a bit petty and causing an issue where there doesn't need to be one

If you're sure he knows its ready and he is just making a point by waiting to be called, then absolutely yanbu. If you think he might have just lost track of time then it's a bit petty not to call him

He was told it would be 10 minutes so time for a quick shower. Therefore he should have come down straight after his shower

simple

This kind of pettiness only exists in relationships that are in trouble in other ways.

It all sounds very combative and rather hard work.

You've made a meal, why is it such a problem to just let him know when it's ready to eat?

Seems an odd way to treat someone you're supposed to care about but maybe you feel he's being petty by not coming down after 10 minutes, in which case it sounds like you don't like each other much.

Christ, I’m glad my relationship isn’t this petty.

How hard is it just to call “Tea’s ready” up the stairs? Grow up.

Does everyone on Mumsnet hate their partner is something? Good grief

Who has the bandwidth to deal with such small, petty things? My DH or I always lets the other know when dinner is ready but I don't see that as a chore.

I know!

We just shout out, it's easy to lose track of time sometimes and no shout, I would assume something is delaying it and no way will I be in a way🙈

I suppose you are right, you just announced when it would be ready beforehand rather then at the time you dished up.
Is this a bone of contention in your household?

Just what I was thinking. And how does anyone have the energy for this kind of low level shit?

I'm assuming you're annoyed that he twats about on his phone, doesn't engage, doesn't want to chat and then expects to have food.

Because without context, we would always shout "grub's up".

And are you using DD as a flying monkey?

I think YABU.

I do get that it's a bit annoying, but I think shouting 'DINNER' up the stairs isn't a massive chore tbh. It's a bit petty to have not done that to teach him a lesson about time management! Are you practically perfect in every way?

I don't hate my husband but I'm his wife, not his mother.

On its own yabu. However, I'm guessing that this is about more than just this one off incident.

Is this a case of, like with my husband, where you agree on something, a time for dinner,, to watch a film, a time to go out and he disappears pissing about for hours only to reappear saying that he forgot or lost track of time.

It wouldn’t even occur to me to not shout up saying tea’s ready, regardless if I’d said how long it would be! Very pathetic.

How is it mothering someone to tell them dinner’s ready?