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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In not shouting dp down for tea?

126 replies

Rossannah · 03/08/2023 19:18

I am preparing tea, dp is mooching about the house, glueing things he's broken etc. And we are chatting about our day etc. I put the food in the air fryer and set it for 10 minutes. He said have I got time for a shower? I said yes, it will be done in 10 minutes and pointed at the airfryer. It actually needed another 5 minutes. Once done, I dished it up and didn't shout him. That was 40 minutes ago. According to dd he's sat on the bed on his phone.

I think he should have come straight down, I know he Is waiting for me to shout him that it's done. Imo I didn't need to, he knew how long it was going to be. Yes I am petty but who is unreasonable?

OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 03/08/2023 20:34

Hannahsbananas · 03/08/2023 20:31

How is it mothering someone to tell them dinner’s ready?

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When they've already been told that it will be ready in 10 minutes? I'd expect to remind a child, not an adult.

MrsKeats · 03/08/2023 20:35

So childish,
What a fuss over nothing.

WhichEllie · 03/08/2023 20:36

Normally I’d say you should just call out that it’s ready but since he specifically asked when it would be ready and you already told him, and he then decided to fart around on his phone instead of coming down, YANBU. Let him microwave his when he’s ready, you already told him when it would be done.

Cosyblankets · 03/08/2023 20:38

Petty
Just shout him
There's no way either of us wouldn't shout the other

ReleasetheCrackHen · 03/08/2023 20:39

Petty is always unreasonable so YABU

SageMist · 03/08/2023 20:40

We ring the dinner bell in our house (not really) or yell tea's ready.
My mum always served tea at bang on 6pm, woe betide you if you were late.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/08/2023 20:40

Cosyblankets · 03/08/2023 20:38

Petty
Just shout him
There's no way either of us wouldn't shout the other

But I'd consider 'it'll be ready in ten' to be job done.

Hannahsbananas · 03/08/2023 20:42

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/08/2023 20:40

But I'd consider 'it'll be ready in ten' to be job done.

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Even when he hasn’t actually shown up?
I think it’s quite odd to go ahead and eat alone just to make some ridiculous point.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/08/2023 20:44

Oh no @Hannahsbananas don't get me wrong I think that's weird.

But DH would be holding a knife and fork there if I said, 'ready in ten'. Maybe OP's bloke has form for needing her to baby him. Straw, back, camel.

InSpainTheRain · 03/08/2023 20:46

I would call up the stairs or whatsapp him. Everyone gets distracted and why let his tea go cold.

Life goes better if you are accommodating and help each other rather than trying to get one over on the other person in some petty tit for tat.

ChubbyMorticia · 03/08/2023 20:47

Eh, I get it. After I’ve done the work of cooking, having to chase someone to come eat frustrates me. Like, you KNOW when the food would be ready, but couldn’t bother to show up to eat without me prompting you?

I’ve not called people a few times. If you can’t be bothered to get to the table after someone else has cooked for you, then that’s your problem. Personal responsibility and all that.

Granted, it’s usually the 18yo who’s screwing around on their laptop vs the husband, and it’s usually a tipping point of a lot of other crap in the day that’s added up. And yes, it’s been discussed, more than once, so not without it being communicated that I find it irritating.

AliMonkey · 03/08/2023 20:48

I wouldn't have lasted as long as you but completely get it and salute you for sticking to your guns! Tea is nearly always served 7-7.15 in our house and 99% of the time it's me cooking it. I usually shout out a 10 minute warning, and that should mean that everyone is down before the 10 mins is up to set the table / get drinks / help dish up. So why is DH frequently at that point in the toilet / just finishing something up, whilst DS is "just finishing my game" and DD is "just finishing my chapter / just finishing this episode"? I do usually do one last shout of "tea's served" but don't see why I should do it after that, so DH has certainly come down to lukewarm food, though usually DD feels sorry for him and goes to find him.

HeidioftheAlps · 03/08/2023 20:51

I just send a WhatsApp to the family group when dinner's ready as I don't like shouting upstairs, especially as they might have headphones on.

GoodChat · 03/08/2023 20:51

We always shout each other. If we haven't come downstairs it's generally because we've got distracted.

GiraffeDoor · 03/08/2023 20:57

I'm with you. Yelling up the stairs, or even worse, having to GO upstairs to get him, makes it feel like he's my recalcitrant teenager. Yuck.

We eat within the same 20 minute window pretty much every day. I have to think of the food, buy the food, constantly keep track of the time, cook the bloody food, dish it up. My whole life revolves around sodding teatime. He should already be in the stupid kitchen, setting the table, getting the kids to wash their hands etc, not carefully hiding out of the way waiting to be told "dinner is served, your majesty" 😡😡 (sorry, I think I just derailed a bit into my own issues there 🤣🤣)

Macaroni46 · 03/08/2023 20:57

SageMist · 03/08/2023 20:40

We ring the dinner bell in our house (not really) or yell tea's ready.
My mum always served tea at bang on 6pm, woe betide you if you were late.

I actually do have a little bell that I ring! Saves shouting and everyone knows what it means. I once dropped it causing it to ring and my DC came haring down the stairs thinking it was lunchtime when it was only 9.30 in the morning 😂 A but like Pavlov's dog 😂

SorryButThatsAFact · 03/08/2023 20:58

Rossannah · 03/08/2023 19:18

I am preparing tea, dp is mooching about the house, glueing things he's broken etc. And we are chatting about our day etc. I put the food in the air fryer and set it for 10 minutes. He said have I got time for a shower? I said yes, it will be done in 10 minutes and pointed at the airfryer. It actually needed another 5 minutes. Once done, I dished it up and didn't shout him. That was 40 minutes ago. According to dd he's sat on the bed on his phone.

I think he should have come straight down, I know he Is waiting for me to shout him that it's done. Imo I didn't need to, he knew how long it was going to be. Yes I am petty but who is unreasonable?

Wow. Epic pettiness.

He probably just got sidetracked.

Giving him a shout would have cost you nothing.

ThatFraggle · 03/08/2023 21:01

If it was his boss who said 'come to the meeting room in ten minutes,' I bet he would have managed to remember to be there.

electriclight · 03/08/2023 21:01

Well we all know that you shouldn't have to shout him down - mn favourites are 'manchild' and 'weaponised incompetence' after all. But it's just the nice thing to do for someone you love isn't it. I know dp would call me rather than let me eat a cold/reheated dinner after everyone else. I usually do wait to be called tbh as it could take the chef a bit longer than they expected.

Hannahsbananas · 03/08/2023 21:04

GiraffeDoor · 03/08/2023 20:57

I'm with you. Yelling up the stairs, or even worse, having to GO upstairs to get him, makes it feel like he's my recalcitrant teenager. Yuck.

We eat within the same 20 minute window pretty much every day. I have to think of the food, buy the food, constantly keep track of the time, cook the bloody food, dish it up. My whole life revolves around sodding teatime. He should already be in the stupid kitchen, setting the table, getting the kids to wash their hands etc, not carefully hiding out of the way waiting to be told "dinner is served, your majesty" 😡😡 (sorry, I think I just derailed a bit into my own issues there 🤣🤣)

Then your issue is with your dh’s assumption that you alone are responsible for all that, not that he failed to be divinely inspired that you’ve finished cooking.

GiraffeDoor · 03/08/2023 21:06

Hannahsbananas · 03/08/2023 21:04

Then your issue is with your dh’s assumption that you alone are responsible for all that, not that he failed to be divinely inspired that you’ve finished cooking.

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Well, yes. I'm just suspecting that OP might have some similar context here.....

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/08/2023 21:06

electriclight · 03/08/2023 21:01

Well we all know that you shouldn't have to shout him down - mn favourites are 'manchild' and 'weaponised incompetence' after all. But it's just the nice thing to do for someone you love isn't it. I know dp would call me rather than let me eat a cold/reheated dinner after everyone else. I usually do wait to be called tbh as it could take the chef a bit longer than they expected.

Like a few pp have said, I imagine it isn't the first time with OP and she is fed up of it which is why she actually did it.

It's also the nice thing to do to not wander upstairs for 40 minutes when you know that dinner will be ready shortly and the person you love has cooked it for you, maybe even cooks it every day for you.

It's always interesting how the woman is expected to be nice yet with the man, it always comes with a but followed by an excuse.

GreenWheat · 03/08/2023 21:08

My DH frequently squirrels himself away at the top of the house and it really pisses me off having to shout up two flights of stairs every dinner time. I just text him now!

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 03/08/2023 21:26

Utterly petty. There is no reason whatsoever to passive-aggressively refuse to tell him it's ready. Often food doesn't take the exact time you've originally been told, so expecting a heads-up when it's actually ready is hardly unreasonable!

Jadeywithababy · 03/08/2023 21:28

I can’t help but picture the scene, him oblivious upstairs, you silently fuming while watching his (and your?) dinner get cold - who is the winner here? You could have both been eating together and continuing that chat about your day. To me that sounds like a much more pleasant scenario all round, regardless of who was or wasn’t “right”. It feels a bit like cutting off your nose to spite your face. Is there another issue underlying that needs to be addressed?