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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In not shouting dp down for tea?

126 replies

Rossannah · 03/08/2023 19:18

I am preparing tea, dp is mooching about the house, glueing things he's broken etc. And we are chatting about our day etc. I put the food in the air fryer and set it for 10 minutes. He said have I got time for a shower? I said yes, it will be done in 10 minutes and pointed at the airfryer. It actually needed another 5 minutes. Once done, I dished it up and didn't shout him. That was 40 minutes ago. According to dd he's sat on the bed on his phone.

I think he should have come straight down, I know he Is waiting for me to shout him that it's done. Imo I didn't need to, he knew how long it was going to be. Yes I am petty but who is unreasonable?

OP posts:
TimeToMoveIt · 04/08/2023 01:52

He knew it was going to take 10 mins in the airfryer . Why is he still sat upstairs twating around on his phone 40 mins later. I wouldn't have to remind my kids if they'd been told 10 mins never mind a grown bloody adult!

Fakemeateater · 04/08/2023 02:45

You are not being unreasonable. You've made him dinner, communicated to him what time it will be ready (or there abouts). End of.

IveHadItUpToHere · 04/08/2023 02:48

YANBU. My DM would have to tell my DF umpteen times that dinner was going to be ready; was nearly ready; was ready; was still ready. It infuriated me. So much so that when DH and I married, I told him that I'd tell him once when dinner was going to be ready (if I was cooking) but I wouldn't wander round the house after him or give him reminders.

Defiantjazz · 04/08/2023 07:49

It's always interesting how the woman is expected to be nice yet with the man, it always comes with a but followed by an excuse

This

ReleasetheCrackHen · 04/08/2023 08:16

I would expect in any couple that they’d both be nice to each other. This isn’t a man vs woman thing.

Zanatdy · 04/08/2023 08:17

yes very petty.

Gnomegnomegnome · 04/08/2023 08:34

Don’t you want to eat together? We rarely get to so I love when we can.
Do you not mind the food going to waste?
Is your house that massive that it’s a chore to call out that the dinner is ready?

WimpoleHat · 04/08/2023 08:36

Bit petty if you just literally had to shout one word.

FrenchandSaunders · 04/08/2023 08:42

How come nobody has mentioned the part where OP says ‘he’s mooching about the house gluing things he’s broken’ …. what things! Why and how does he keep breaking things! Sod rhe dinner.

Cheesusisgrate · 04/08/2023 08:47

It's always interesting how the woman is expected to be nice yet with the man, it always comes with a but followed by an excuse.

I expect the same courtesy from men im my life as I would provide. That includes asking if I need anything from town when they go, asking if I need anything from kitchen when they go or calling me when dinner is ready and I lost track of time

LittleMonks11 · 04/08/2023 08:54

I use Alexa as well as give a time as hubbie can get lost on his computer. It does annoy me when he still takes his time and I have to yell 'your dinner is getting cold!' It's usually then I demand he makes dinner at least once a week so I can be called down for dinner.

LittleMonks11 · 04/08/2023 08:56

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/08/2023 01:07

And there is nothing less sexy than living with a person who plays with his toys until Mum calls him for dinner.

Amen

SunThroughTheCloudsAt6am · 04/08/2023 09:14

I'm with you OP. Dinner is announced/the kids are told it'll be ready in 30 mins/10 mins/whatever, and it is served. I'm not going to chase you for it.

It always wound me up in ex's parent's house that MIL would say 'dinner in 10' or 'dinner's ready now' and it would take everyone ages to arrive or she'd have to chase them up.

In my house, if I say dinner is in 20, it's there in 20, and you are expected to be there ready or I will consider it very bad manners.

spitefulandbadgrammar · 04/08/2023 09:20

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Right? He needs to put his phone away and come downstairs after his shower, so childish to sit around waiting for instructions when he knows dinner is ready.

MisschiefMaker · 04/08/2023 09:39

Did DH get his dinner eventually? Did you eat without him..? How did this end?!

whatchagonnado · 04/08/2023 09:41

Just shout him down "it's ready!"
What's e problem?

I wouldn't have the energy to seethe about something so petty

mrsm43s · 04/08/2023 09:43

Why be so petty and spiteful?

SunThroughTheCloudsAt6am · 04/08/2023 09:55

Why be so petty and spiteful?

Why is he being so rude? He knew dinner would be ready after his shower - why does he need telling again? Does she often say 'dinner ready in 20' minutes then just completely forget to make it?

GG1986 · 04/08/2023 10:31

I agree with you OP. I made tea for my dp the other night, told him it would be ready in 15 mins, he chose to mooch about or fall asleep on the bed so I left it on the side for him, I'm not his parent ffs he knows how long 15 mins is.

LoobyDop · 04/08/2023 10:37

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/08/2023 22:53

It seems like only women are expected to be 'nice' though.

It's also nice to show up to dinner when someone has made it for you without needing to be reminded like a child.

Show quote history

100% agree with this

Doingtheboxerbeat · 04/08/2023 14:56

SunThroughTheCloudsAt6am · 04/08/2023 09:55

Why be so petty and spiteful?

Why is he being so rude? He knew dinner would be ready after his shower - why does he need telling again? Does she often say 'dinner ready in 20' minutes then just completely forget to make it?

This has to be one the funniest threads I have read in a while, but "does she say dinner will be ready in 20 minutes and then just forget to make it?" was hilarious and summed up the whole thread.

Theoldwoman · 04/08/2023 14:59

Tit for tat I see.

I would have shouted anyway. I wouldn’t have thought about another op.

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/08/2023 16:04

ReleasetheCrackHen · 04/08/2023 08:16

I would expect in any couple that they’d both be nice to each other. This isn’t a man vs woman thing.

It absolutely is.

OP's partner was thoughtless and inconsiderate at best to wander off upstairs when he knows she is doing dinner for him. Not to mention the fact that it wasn't just 5 minutes or so which can be expected, it was 40 minutes and counting.

The majority of pp's tell her to 'be nice' which is a common expectation for women in society. Some pp's also talk about doing something for someone you love yet OP's partner can't even be bothered to show up for dinner on time when someone he loves has made it for him.

Plenty of people made excuses for OP's partner but OP was just unkind apparently.

Like I said, women are told to be kind and excuses are made for men to be unkind.

BatheInTheLight · 05/08/2023 08:19

I wonder, did he ever come down for his dinner...

Takacupokindnessyet · 05/08/2023 08:34

Both, you should have told him but equally he knew it would have been ready so has only himself to blame.