In not shouting dp down for tea?

[Rossannah]

I am preparing tea, dp is mooching about the house, glueing things he's broken etc. And we are chatting about our day etc. I put the food in the air fryer and set it for 10 minutes. He said have I got time for a shower? I said yes, it will be done in 10 minutes and pointed at the airfryer. It actually needed another 5 minutes. Once done, I dished it up and didn't shout him. That was 40 minutes ago. According to dd he's sat on the bed on his phone.

I think he should have come straight down, I know he Is waiting for me to shout him that it's done. Imo I didn't need to, he knew how long it was going to be. Yes I am petty but who is unreasonable?

😂

I could not be in a relationship with that sort of passive aggressive pettiness. I'm guessing there's a lot more going on in your relationship that you haven't mentioned here.

I would have just shouted. Unless I didn't like my husband and just wanted to be an arse

Legend has it, he still doesn't know dinner is ready

If someone’s making tea I stay out of the way till they shout me
nothing worse than is it ready yet

Depends if it’s a one-off or a regular thing. I used to tell DP dinner would be ready in five minutes, then when it was ready – he’d still come down 5-10 minutes after it was ready, rapidly cooling, me hungry and annoyed. So I stopped giving him the five-minute warning and just told him it was ready even when it wasn’t. He’s still 5-10 minutes late but it’s fake late, it’s on time for the food that I lied was ready. It’s like he can’t do his badly timed poo/urgent looking for something/faffing until the soufflé has risen or whatever. I’d hate to have to chase every night: he gets told once. He’s not our four year old, lost in a game of pretend play who needs dragging away. If someone’s cooking for you it’s so rude to leave them hanging. OP’s DP knew it was in the offing within 10 minutes; why didn’t he just shower and come down?

They'll find his bones. Starved to death.

Fuck me, even my Horrible Mother used to shout us when tea was ready - or get one of us to do it.

Why would you not do something that takes literally no effort?

I bet if he'd turned up and sat down at the 10 minnute point you'd have been on here slagging him off for 'sitting there pressuring me like a bastard'.

And equally astonished at all the people who sit around waiting for others before they start eating!! You shout, and if people don't turn up, within acouple of minutes, you eat.

Then they sort themselves out if their food is cold or whatever.

Surely it depends on whether you see food as fuel – meat and two veg plated up, doled out, eat whenever someone deigns to turn up – or a social occasion. DP grew up with the former: his mum bellowed at set times, people came and ate in silence and left whenever they were each finished, she cleared up. I grew up with the latter: food in serving dishes, conversation, effort with the cooking, mucking in to lay and clear the table and pour drinks, etc. It’s boring and miserable to sit and eat alone if you’ve made an effort with a meal, laid the table properly, etc, and the other people in the house are prioritising their phones. If you’ve been told dinner is in 10 minutes the cook shouldn’t have to keep shouting, it’s horrid.

Let him eat it cold. You cooked him a meal and told him 10 mi Ute's. In no world is 10 mi Ute's 40 mi Ute's. Leave the dishes for him to load up or do too.

OP is not his mummy. That's the point.

Yes, yes they do. If you support the man you are indeed supporting a manchild or spoonfeeding and must be burnt alive 😂

I always shout 5 minutes before so everyone can go to the loo, wash hands sort drinks etc. If you always shout dinners ready- why change it?

“Have I got time for a shower?” indicates he knows dinner is imminent so faffing about for 40mins is his problem.

the reference was more about a horrible person doing it not the fact it was her mother
I’d shout anyone in the house irrespective of they were related or not

Can’t understand the people calling you petty. You told him a time, he knew he needed to hurry which was why he asked, so why sit there on his phone!? Disrespectful to you after cooking for him and just rude to be honest. You shout kids for dinner, not a grown adult who knows the timing already.

Petty and incredibly childish, why on earth wouldn’t you shout up the stairs? You could have had a phone call or something that delayed you.

She did tell him, 5 minutes, yes time for a quick shower, then straight back down. No I wouldn't shout again.

My teenage son does this - and worse if it’s not on the table when I’ve called him (call him before as he rarely comes down right away) he goes back upstairs. It’s annoying when a teen does it. I’d think YABU if he didn’t know you started making it but he did see that so should have come back down.

SunThroughTheCloudsAt6am · 04/08/2023 09:55

Why be so petty and spiteful?

Why is he being so rude? He knew dinner would be ready after his shower - why does he need telling again? Does she often say 'dinner ready in 20' minutes then just completely forget to make it?

Yes! Plus I’d expect a grown up to help serve up etc, and not be waited on.

DH and I would always call each other down (we even call each other when a cup of tea is ready!).
The thing is, it's all very well saying "Dinner will be ready in 15 minutes" but can you really be so precise? I often think dinner will be ready at 6pm or something then it seems ready earlier or it needs another 5 minutes or I get distracted by something etc. It's rarely ready on the dot! Therefore it makes sense to just call DH to confirm when it's ready.

I have a bell I ring just for this purpose, saves the shouting out, which I can't stand.

Not sure why he can’t come downstairs and sit on his phone so he at least knows when it’s done. If he was working or doing emails probably a bit different, my husband gets easily distracted.

I suppose if you’ve always done something I.e shout him when teas ready and you’ve suddenly changed the ‘rules’ without saying I won’t call you again 10mins is 10mins then he’s probably just waiting for you to shout.

But it doesn't matter if it's not precise. If it's not ready, he can set the table, empty or load the dishwasher, take the bins out or any one of the long list of jobs that constantly need doing in a kitchen.

He knows that the food was nearly ready and that he needs to come straight back down after his shower, yet he thinks it's OK to hide away from family life for 40 mins while the OP is cooking for the family.

Depends if you often say 5m but feels like half an hour and if you normally do shout him