Strangers (men) saying hello

[magicalkitty]

When I am out walking alone (which I do quite a bit) I usually avoid eye contact with others, especially men. I find some men try and talk with you if you meet their eyes. I have been told to smile, had comments about my glasses and clothes from complete strangers (and yes always seems to be men who make these comments). In the past when I have tried to be polite I have ended up in awkward situations with these men who seem to be trying to flirt with total strangers. So if they say 'hello' I ignore.

It's quite common for dog walkers and elderly people to say 'hello' when we walk past each other and that seems normal and more acceptable somehow.

But a few days ago, I walked past a man around 45 who was by his car, not looking in his direction, and he said hello to me. I completely ignored his and kept walking. He then said hello again but again I ignored.

AIBU to think it's odd for men to do this? Or am I being overly precious/rude and saying 'hello' to strangers while walking is just polite?

I have a family member who says 'hello' to every woman they walk past, and I tried to tell him this could be a bit unnerving for some lone women. He didn't understand what I'm talking about.

It depends where I am tbh. Somewhere there are not lots of people, I say hello to everyone. Busy place, I don’t.

It's a fine line. And that feeling of 'not OK' isn't taken seriously at all. You'll have a thread full of people telling you NAMALT.

But it is true that men who are Good Men rather than Nice Guys will take note of what women might find more comfortable. And saying hello twice is pushing it. Expecting a response is frankly pushing it. Demanding attention is often what it's about.

My nice story though is that I used to run around a lake through forest every Saturday with my dog. Three older men used to walk the same way and said, "morning" every time, which I said back. One day I got to the edge of the forest (dog had gone on ahead) and the three men were standing around. I stopped running (end of the path) and they were waiting for me. They'd seen my dog alone and wondered if something had happened to me. They were very sweet. But they always just said, "morning" in passing. I think you're talking about something different.

Where I live it is common for
people to look at each other and say hello - yes even the teenagers

Its only hello - I don’t see the problem
I think many men worry about what to say to a single female- it’s only hello - greeting a fellow human being on the journey through life

Men used to do this to me. I’m happy to report one of the benefits of getting older/fatter. No more ‘cheer up love’ comments from creepy men.

Where I live it’s unusual not to smile, nod and say to everyone you pass when out walking
Make, female, whatever

I’ve generally found that men who say “hello” in a normal voice are fine (obviously not a leery hello). The impertinent remarks lot generally don’t feel the need to preface it with a “hello”.

The men who make comments aren’t flirting, they’re trying to dominate in compensation for their lack in every other area.

General rule is say hello in the countryside but not in town.

Where I live - not UK - it is very common for people to say hello to complete strangers, even some teenagers do it. My late DF used to accompany me on my morning walk to work and he made a point of saying good morning to every person we passed. I really don't understand this mentality where every person who speaks to a stranger has an ulterior motive. There are a few men, I don't even know some of their names, who I stop and have whole conversations with if we meet on the street. I would hate to live the lives that some on MN do, where you can't interact with someone unless you actually know them.

Yep same where I live too.

I think it depends…

A walk in the forest, a coastal hike… standard to greet your fellow walkers

Popping to the corner shop? Bit weird if random bloke acknowledges you in passing (or anyone for that matter)

Where I live, anyway

Weirdly I think if you're both walking past each other then it's normal to exchange hello. But if the man is stationary and you are walking past him and he says 'hello' when you've not made eye contact I think it's more like a cat call.

I haven’t encountered this. Only old people very occasionally say good morning

I would hate to live where you live then. Around here if someone is outside and someone walks past most of them speak and it certainly isn't considered a "bit weird".

It's fairly standard where I live to say hello. Sometimes I'm a million miles away in thought so I give a defective hello back!

I would hate to live where you live then. Around here if someone is outside and someone walks past most of them speak and it certainly isn't considered a "bit weird".

Some people live in cities of millions of people. In London you couldn't say 'hello' quickly enough!

strangers Only ever say hello on a walk somewhere quiet. It has to be a walk, not walking to a shop!

I live in a city so I guess it’s fairly busy and you’d be saying hello constantly. I walked to Lidl and a coffee shop today, 15 mins but saw a fair few people and didn’t greet any of them.

You’ll get a thread full of ‘Cool Girls’ saying they chat to every guy in the street that they meet and they have always been fine.

Truth is that if you’re a woman walking alone, many men (particularly non-Weatern men) take eye contact / a greeting as a sign of sexual interest, and then get angry if you won’t flirt with them.

In my English village it’s fairly common to say or nod hello in the street. I never initiate it but if a woman or a couple says hello, I’ll smile and reply. If a man alone says hello, I never make eye contact but make some vague mumble so I can’t be accused of ignoring them either.

Good men know not to greet lone women. A man who does it anyway is at best a selfish prick on an attention-grabbing ego trip, and at worst a murderer.

Here in rurality I say hello to everyone I come across walking and would expect a reply. But not someone sitting in a car? That's weird. And also weird to push it if you don't say hi back!

I'm not a habitual greeter to men or women but if were negotiating to pass on a narrow path or working out who is going first somewhere I might say something

There's a bit on one of the commons near me where if you catch another man's eye he is going to say Hello and if you're jangling your keys in your pocket that is meant to be the sign

Agree one of the benefits of getting older and fatter the cheer up or smile love and the hello’s from random men dry up as do the insults… amazed how many women in here are pretending gender has nothing to do with it.

I find it reassuring if a bloke says hello and sounds pretty normal. I'd be much more intimidated in say a car park lift late at night if a guy got in and stood next to me in silence. A friendly voice breaks the tension for me.

Normal here too. Obviously not in busy places, but when I'm on my own and I pass sometime else on their own, with no-one else around, I'll do at least a head nod and a smile, and often a hello.

It's actually a subconscious message to a stranger, I read. It signals 'it's okay, I'm friend not foe'. So if anything I think men are the more likely to do it because they'll recognise that a lone woman passing then might need reassurance.

Oddly enough, the last "cheer up love" type comment I had was from a woman!

It does depend a bit: lots of Europe? Probably OK?

Most of UK? Weird.

I do agree that generally if you're both walking in opposite directions it's probably OK, but if stationary then no.

I fucking hate all the unspoken rules of being female, Sarah Everard was "behaving" when she was abducted and murdered. Who cares if some random man thinks you're rude really, don't stop to engage with anyone.

It's actually a subconscious message to a stranger, I read. It signals 'it's okay, I'm friend not foe'. So if anything I think men are the more likely to do it because they'll recognise that a lone woman passing then might need reassurance.

This is what I meant.

It completely depends on your area.

If I did not reply "hello" to someone else's
"hello" I'd be written off as rude asF around where I live!