Strangers (men) saying hello

[magicalkitty]

When I am out walking alone (which I do quite a bit) I usually avoid eye contact with others, especially men. I find some men try and talk with you if you meet their eyes. I have been told to smile, had comments about my glasses and clothes from complete strangers (and yes always seems to be men who make these comments). In the past when I have tried to be polite I have ended up in awkward situations with these men who seem to be trying to flirt with total strangers. So if they say 'hello' I ignore.

It's quite common for dog walkers and elderly people to say 'hello' when we walk past each other and that seems normal and more acceptable somehow.

But a few days ago, I walked past a man around 45 who was by his car, not looking in his direction, and he said hello to me. I completely ignored his and kept walking. He then said hello again but again I ignored.

AIBU to think it's odd for men to do this? Or am I being overly precious/rude and saying 'hello' to strangers while walking is just polite?

I have a family member who says 'hello' to every woman they walk past, and I tried to tell him this could be a bit unnerving for some lone women. He didn't understand what I'm talking about.

...and if I am genuinely on the phone (it happens), I always give a smile or a little wave as I walk past someone.

I think it's fine to trust your instincts OP, in fact I think it's essential. You have acknowledged that there are situations where a greeting seems normal and unthreatening and others where is does not, trust that. Sometimes you will be mistaken and someone was just being friendly but it's not a big deal. I don't think sociable, friendly men are weird but it's not always easy to differentiate them from the creeps.

The man who repeated hello was absolutely demanding your attention. Where I live now it's normal to say hello to people as you pass, most people respond, some don't. I don't carry on shouting hello at them until I get a response. I assume they either didn't hear me or aren't particularly friendly, neither of these things is an issue.

Carry on ignoring the people who make you feel uncomfortable, you are perfectly within your rights to behave cautiously, you have learned from experience that complying with the social expectation to respond can lead to awkward situations. You're not obliged to take that gamble to protect a random man's feelings.

It’s really clear from a lot of comments on here that many women have not incurred harassment on the street from men. Lucky them.
harassment isnt just cat calling - it can be subtle and insidious. It can be “hellos” and “you look better when you smile”, it can be as a PP said, the audacity of a man putting his hands on an unknown woman’s waist completely uninvited.
It can also be horrible creepy fucking men calling you from across the road and following you, maybe not with the direct intention of violence but with the entitlement that they want your attention so you’ve got to give it to them.

Must be nice to not realise / have experienced this as a woman.

oh and the men who “always say hello” - how about consider there are women who don’t want this. Advise your husbands if the woman is clearly looking away and not interested in interaction, there is no interaction needed!

Depends where you live. I say hello to people I pass when out walking in the countryside, park etc. I wouldn’t do it in busy built up area unless I knew the person.
I quite like the brief connection to another human.
Im usually a bit uncomfortable if I’m alone in a fairly isolated place and encounter another lone male, I’ll usually try to avoid them, even though they’re probably just doing the same as me, I feel a bit more reassured if they gave me a brisk hello and moved on, anything more would make me feel quite nervous.

But generally I’m ok to say hello to everyone I pass when out walking and don’t assume the worse from a man saying hello.

I’m relating this to my own experience and possibly making assumptions but I think that a second hello is entitled and I’d be instantly on guard.

With strange men, I do an unfocused glance, eye drop to chest half nod/ hello mutter to signal that I’m not interested in anything, but still polite enough not to set off a trigger. It’s a sort of grey rock effort. And I fucking resent that it’s even necessary.

I live in an area where it’s normal-ish to nod and say hello in passing, for some but not everyone. I never take offence - why would I? People can be deaf, stressed, distracted, uneasy, or wearing AirPods.

Any man, whodemanding a response, with a second hello is more than likely a bad ‘un. Different obviously if he’s a workmate that you didn’t recognise out of the office or something, but why the fuck would any man think they’re entitled to anything from a lone woman they don’t know?

I think what men don't understand is that women don't know which man is going to end up creepy and which isn't, so it's safer to ignore them all.

But that will never happen because most people want to be friendly. So you need to take steps if you really don't want any speaking to you. A big badge with big words on.
I work with autistic people and some do things like this and it's effective, only very few though as most like interactions.

It’s really clear from a lot of comments on here that many women have not incurred harassment on the street from men. Are you implyng those women who are happy returning a "hello" from a man have never experienced harassment? You would be very wrong. People react in different ways. Some react by avoiding any verbal contact or eye contact. Others appreciate the confidence that comes from living in a friendly community where people do greet each other.

Im usually a bit uncomfortable if I’m alone in a fairly isolated place and encounter another lone male DS likes to go for walks on his own. He's noticed a clear difference depending on whetehr he has the dog with him. With the dog, no problem, without the dog, he has to keep well away from people because women look at him suspiciously.A man with a purpose - out for a run, or with a dog -OK. A man just walking - not OK.

@MereDintofPandiculation - Exactly.

I say hello to people and at other times I have been harassed by men. ANd women come to that (not all harassment is sexual). But that will not stop me offering courtesy to others. It's wrong to assume that people have not been harassed because they say hello.

It's perfectly normal to say hello to strangers of all ages male or female where I live.

To be honest I think it is a lot more weird if someone doesn't say hi or at least makes eye contact and smiles.

I walk out on a regular basis. As I walk past nearly everyone gives some sign of recognition. Eye contact, a smile. Which is returned.

There is one person who I have walked past about 50 times and has never even looked at me always diverts their eyes. They are by far the exception rather than the rule. I mean if they want to do that, that's fine. It's not normal though.

I think a cheery hello or morning/evening is fine and I’d guess some men may do it to break any tension and relieve lone women of any fear they might have about the proximity of a strange man.

Further comments, unless brief commonplaces about the weather are intrusive and comments about your personal appearance are not on and just typical male entitlement.

Where I live everyone says hello to people as they pass. Can't say I've ever seen it as an issue.

Agree.

I thought of this thread this morning, when I was out and about (as a lone woman) doing a few errands.
I am in a big City, but much of where I walked this morning was more isolated paths.
Throughout the morning, I passed 11 people on these paths - all alone, about 1/2 men and women.
Every single one of them acknowledged me in some way - a smile or a nod. 9 of them said 'Hello' or 'morning'.
It is just normal, community, friendly interaction.
I would find it very bizarre if people didn't acknowledge other people.

Exactly.
And I have experienced male harrassment many times, I still want to say hi to people.

That's lovely to hear. I'm sure your mum will feel right at home soon.

@Yusay
'Good men know not to greet lone women. A man who does it anyway is at best a selfish prick on an attention-grabbing ego trip, and at worst a murderer.

How sad, don't be so ridiculous.