Hosts are too generous?

[Krakinou]

My partner and I have come to stay for a week at the home of the in-laws of one of his best friends. They live in a very beautiful area a few hours drive from us, and his friend, wife and children spend a few weeks here every summer. Last year they came to stay with us for a week. We don’t have guests often and were really happy to see them. We did our best to look after them well - we cooked nice food and gave them our bedroom with the kids on air mattresses on the floor since our house only has 2 rooms.

In return they invited us here this year and we arrived yesterday. The house is beautiful, has a pool in the garden with a view of the mountains. The “problem” is the hosts (friend’s in-laws) are just so so generous and welcoming that it’s making me uncomfortable.

We have a 7 month old baby, our first, and the in-laws have given us their bedroom with travel cot, en-suite etc. They’ve been cooking for us all and extremely kind. I assumed they were sleeping in a spare room but this evening I went to get a glass of water and realized they are sleeping on the sofa in the living room! They are in their 60s and I know that’s not exactly old but still it seems like a matter of respect that they should have their bed. And I know their son is arriving on Friday with his 4 kids. I’m not sure where they will sleep - in the living room too?? Also now we’ve realized we kept them up really late as we stayed talking with our friends in the living room till past midnight the last two nights. Now it makes sense why they didn’t just go to bed when they looked tired.

Of course we brought some gifts, wine etc and plan to do a supermarket shop to contribute, but I feel like this isn’t enough. What if we misinterpreted the invitation and are unwittingly taking advantage of them? Maybe it wasn’t meant to be an entire week, or they assumed we would get a hotel and we’re just offering out of politeness? Then again maybe they just really like hosting and see this as a normal kind welcome. It’s not my culture and I speak their language but not brilliantly so I’m not sure what to think. My partner is lovely but sometimes misses social cues. I’m not helping as much as I normally would as I’m focusing on the baby. What do you think?

IABU - I should relax, enjoy their kindness and stop overthinking.
IANBU - We shouldn’t have accepted such generosity and there’s an etiquette we should be following. If you vote this, I’d really appreciate advice on how I should respond.

I can't quite get my head around this either but if it's true, your partner's friend was a CF for offering his IN-LAW'S house to you for a week!!!
Most bizarre

Partners friend to blame for this I feel. Although you should have asked more about set up before you went. I'd be out of there fast.

He didn’t offer it for a week. He invited them and asked how long they’d stay for. They asked for their own room. A cot and said they wished a week. At no point was any of it offered. They asked for it all. She’s literally written it in her posts.

He didn’t offer it for a week. He invited them and asked how long they’d stay for. They asked for their own room. A cot and said they wished a week. At no point was any of it offered. They asked for it all. She’s literally written it in her posts.

He still invited them to stay at his in-laws house! He also asked them how long they wanted to stay and didn't say a week wouldn't be feasible and he also said they'd have the best room in the house.

I don't know why the OP is getting so much criticism when it was her partner's friend who invited them. He must know whether they like to host or not. Lots of people do stay with family or friends for a week or more in summer.

I have given up my room for guests - only for a couple of nights - but I would be hurt if guests suddenly left earlier than planned and think that my house/hostessing wasn't good enough for them. It sounds as if culturally it's important to be good hosts to the friend's in laws. I'm not sure how it will work out when he actually arrives with his children but I would check if it is still ok to stay and make sure I was a 'good' guest - being appreciative, being helpful but not too interfering, and definitely do a supermarket shop while with them and send a gift and thank you card afterwards

OP you are NOT a CF at all

Your friend stayed a week so you staying a week isn't cheeky. Just because some people hate having guests doesn't mean staying a week is overstaying. A week is perfectly normal.

I'm assuming you'd assumed the house would be empty - IL on holiday perhaps and letting family use the house for their holidays. The friend who invited you is the CF if he knew the situation if anything...

It might be uncomfortable for you but it sounds like it might be a cultural thing - guests sleeping on the sofa/floor being bad form.

The yesterday/2 nights thing is weird though.

To leave straight away would insult the hosts.
Be sure to apologise that you have taken their bed though I suggest they are enjoying the company. Go to bad by 9:30pm.

You hosted your friends for one week so I can see why you thought one week was okay - before you knew the in-laws situation.
Be thankful and offer flowers and fuit/vegie basket etc. and also take the hosts out for a meal.
Planning to leave before the others arrive might make the son decide to not come at all.

I would plan to leave early but after you have spent time with their son - he might have been invited by his parents especially to meet you.
It is a tricky situation. I sense that you are all cheerful so take the host's lead (as odd as it seems they might adore this interaction - can you talk to your friends about that?) Remember to write them a thank you note.

Speak to your friends. Though it reminds me of staying with a friend in his 1-bed flat. Usually he'd give me his bed and sleep on the sofa which was bad enough, but the last time his 80 year old mum was there too, and neither would let me give up the bed for her. That was awkward as hell!

You said you would stay for a week! You are definitely a CF! One or two nights is polite anymore than that is taking the mick! You need to leave, they aren’t a hotel! Honest the cheek of some people

I think Op is getting a hard time with some of these replies. I don't think the Op has been anything cheeky here. It is a misunderstanding, a very awkward misunderstanding. The fault likes with the friend. I would never, ever invite people to my parent's home and allow my parents to sleep in the living room - whilst I and my friends took the master bedroom and the guest rooms.

At the very least - the son and his wife should have taken the living room. Give you their room, with their kids staying where they are.

It is difficult now to resolve without causing further embarrassment all round.

I think I would take the son to one side and say - had no idea that his parents were staying in the living room - whilst having a fabulous time, you think that you should reduce the length of the visit so they can have their room back?

As for practical advice:

Can you get to the bedrooms without disturbing the ILs? Maybe you suggest going out for the evening if you want to stay up later? Or could you sit outside so as not to disturb them? Or sit in the friend's room so the kids can sleep?

I don't think extravagant gifts are needed tbh. Flowers and chocolates are plenty.

A tactful "emergency" on Friday if you are really uncomfortable and can't rest. Something that won't raise too many questions. But don't make it obvious you're leaving early because that might make them feel uncomfortable themselves, like they've been bad hosts

You’re not being cheeky at all. You were invited. They may love you staying! To leave now would insult your hosts.
I would speak to the ILs and say you had no does they would be sleeping on the sofa and that you feel terrible.. and that you will leave a few days early so they can have their room back.
then cook for them one of the evenings you’re there.
my parents would have loved a house full of people so don’t assume they are hating the situation

If daughter and sil are in one room, grandkids in another room, you’re in their room where is DH’s friend sleeping?

I'm assuming the friend is the SIL....

Blimey, nor me! We never stay longer than 3 days with close friends and they usually limit themselves to that when they stay with us!

You're there now Op - stay and enjoy their hospitality. In some cultures it is totally normal to ensure the guests have the best room etc. I can see how you'd feel strange about it but be a kind, considerate guest, clear up after yourselves and leave a thank you gift.

Enjoy your holiday!

oh yes, that makes sense
thanks for your response Observer 👍🏻

I know it's bizarre.

You would give up your bedroom, move all your stuff out that you will need, sleep on the sofa in your lounge, all for two people you have never met... for a week?????

Not to mention did they actually go out and buy a cot?

VERY unlikely, considering their daughter has kids. They probably had the cot already in the house.

MN really does go out on a tangent sometimes!!!

on a tangent for asking a question? The whole situation is just utterly bizarre.

The OP is in no way a CF. She said her partner's friends stay at at their IL's house in a scenic area for a few weeks every summer and OP clearly stated that she didn't know the ILs were going to be there.

It sounds like a big miscommunication where OP assumed her friends had sole use of a family property over the summer, maybe housesitting while the owners were away? Frankly, I'd probably have done the same because who in their right mind invites friends to stay with their parents/ILs if they've never met??

I dont find the situation bizarre at all...

OPs friends invited them to spend time at their in laws house. That doesnt phase me at all.
It being a week also doesnt phase me.

Sure, the fact that the hosts gave up their room is a bit much, but they didnt HAVE to, so they CHOSE to do it. They knew what they were agreeing to.
So no, I dont think this is on the OP at all.

Yes this. And give a generous present. Be as effusive as possible in thanks. Or, invent a sudden leak in the roof at home as excuse to leave, if you can't afford a hotel.