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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Deciding they should be called 'Aunty'

109 replies

Newmum738 · 01/08/2023 22:35

My brother currently has a gf who he has been with for a few years now. He is twice divorced and there have been many gfs over the years.

The current gf decided when my ds was born that she should be called 'Aunty' which has irritated me from the beginning because I hardly even know her and they are not married.

My Dad died recently and my brother has been a real let down and she hasn't done anything to help so I'm especially rebelling against her decision for my son to call her Aunty.

YABU - it's up to her what she should be called
YANBU - it's up to the parent to decide who has the honour of being called Aunty unless they are actually an Aunty!!!

OP posts:
aurynne · 01/08/2023 22:41

Choose your battles. What exactly is the problem, and who gets hurt, by her being called aunty? Besides, your son will call her whatever he wants anyway.

Original poster
Newmum738 · 01/08/2023 22:51

Me more than anyone! They have hurt me a lot recently and that's why I'm feeling how I do about it. DS is only 4 so he calls people what he is led to call them at the minute. When he's old enough to be aware and decide for himself, I doubt very much he will call her Aunty and may not even see them!

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmum738 · 01/08/2023 22:52

Anyway, it isn't really about me. I'm just interested to know if others consider it acceptable in general.

OP posts:
UndercoverCop · 01/08/2023 22:53

Have you not seen the Peter Kay bit where in the eighties someone was called your uncle Pete because he'd once loaned your dad his orbital sander?
In some cultures/socio-economic groups aunty is just used for close friends of the family.
DS calls my best friend aunty, she's isn't but I don't mind. I don't think it's a title bearing much weight. Also it's your brother who's let you down not his girlfriend.

HedgesNotFences · 01/08/2023 22:56

I always referred to myself parents close friends as Aunty. It’s definitely a cultural thing.

YourNameGoesHere · 01/08/2023 22:57

It seems like a bloody stupid thing to get wound up about.

She's been with your brother for over 4 Years at least given your child's age, by your own logic you'd be fine with her being called auntie if she'd married him years ago.

Original poster
Newmum738 · 01/08/2023 22:59

I wouldn't have a choice if she'd married him! They don't live together. We do have close family friends that DS calls Aunty but we have made that choice not had it forced on us.

OP posts:
BungleandGeorge · 01/08/2023 23:00

They’ve been together a ‘few’ years? How many? Do they live together?
I don’t really understand the reference to supporting you when your dad died. Why would she do that? Isn’t it your brothers dad too and he is greaving the same as you? Her job is to Support him?

EllaMenopee · 01/08/2023 23:02

Just call her Jackie, if you don't call her Aunty Jackie, your ds won't either. One of the relatives in our family wanted our dc to call them a particular name. It makes my skin crawl so I just never used the name and the children don't either.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 01/08/2023 23:10

There isn't a finite number of aunties that your son can cope with, so your brother's number of divorces and ex girlfriends doesn't really matter. You seem to be using the only punishment you can control over the gf because you are angry with your brother. I think it's quite sweet that someone wants to be involved with your child but if you don't call her aunty' neither will your DS, even if they put Uncle Bill and Aunty Jackie on his birthday cards

LoveBluey · 01/08/2023 23:33

If she's in a serious relationship with their uncle then that does make her their auntie though. But if you don't like it just use her first name and your child will probably follow suit.

I do understand the annoyance though. I have friends who insist on calling me auntie to their children. I am not related to them in any way and it really irritates me - more than it should. I just try to refer to myself in the 3rd person as much as possible so the kids know my name!

fuchiaknickers · 01/08/2023 23:36

I think you’re being a bit petty really.

Market1 · 01/08/2023 23:37

Not something to rebel against, She is effectively his aunty now, and may well be an official aunty later, so let him call her aunty. What is the alternative? Just calling her by her first name? Why is that any better? To me that sounds a lot more familiar from a 4 year old

ThatFraggle · 01/08/2023 23:37

In a lot of cultures it is not polite for a child to call an adult by name, as if they are peers/mates.

Every single adult acquaintance is Uncle/aunty.

Maybe that's not your background, or Jackie's but even if not you sound extremely petty, and like you don't like her, so nothing she will do will be right.

CinnamonBunAndCoffee · 01/08/2023 23:41

If they had been together a few months then maybe you would be right, but a few years she is his aunty really.
It sounds more like you want her to feel like an outsider in the family and unwelcome, which is quite mean.

VivienneDelacroix · 01/08/2023 23:43

You dont know her well enough for your son to call her "aunty" but you do know her well enough to expect her to play a role in a close family bereavement? One is definitely more intimate to me, and it's not the use if the word "aunty".

TeenLifeMum · 01/08/2023 23:48

She’s in a long term relationship with your brother so what’s the actual issue with her being called aunty?

LittleMousewithcloggson · 01/08/2023 23:57

It’s a name
i couldn’t let myself get worked up over it
Just let her be called Aunty
if they marry she will be that anyway
if they split you never have to see her again anyway

WhateverMate · 02/08/2023 00:01

This genuinely does NOT matter OP.

Your kid will call her whatever he wants to anyway and 'Aunty' is just something many kids call adults who are fairly close to the family.

It doesn't have to be the big deal you're making it out to be 🤷‍♀️

EBearhug · 02/08/2023 00:02

I had friends who wanted their kids to call me aunty - we were quite close, I spent Christmas with them and stuff. I said I'd rather just be Emma. (In my own family, we just used people's names, not aunt or uncle.) They said aunty was respectful. I said addressing me by my preference was respectful. We never really agreed on it...

And now I have typed it do much, aunt is a really odd word...

LemonadeSunshine · 02/08/2023 00:05

In our family, us as parents decide the titles we give to and use for others. So, all my DHs siblings are just first name, to us they have never earned the title of Aunty and Uncle for OUR children.

Ellie1015 · 02/08/2023 00:06

Your brother dissapointing you is completely seperate issue.

If she is in life since ds was a baby/toddler and they do last then she is Aunty. Just go with the flow/choose your battles. Discuss what they have actually done to hurt you, this will either be unnoticed by them or make you look very petty.

Magneta · 02/08/2023 00:14

YABU. You have nothing to gain by holding this over her. It's nicer to be inclusive than to put fences up.

If they stay together long term she'll become Aunty at some point. If not, she'll leave your lives. Either way, a finite period of being called just by her first name by a toddler benefits no one.

FirstDayOfHoliyays · 02/08/2023 00:19

Ffs.

Fakemeateater · 02/08/2023 00:25

I don't even call my own uncles and aunties by their familial title now, but I'm in my 40s. I just call them by their name. However, as a kid, I did call both my parent's siblings and their partners aunty and uncle/uncle and uncle (weren't married because it wasn't legal then).

If it isn't an issue that is likely going to be detrimental to your child, I'd probably not concentrate on it too much and just explain relationships and family later on in your child's life - hopefully there won't be more pressing issues.