Deciding they should be called 'Aunty'

[Newmum738]

My brother currently has a gf who he has been with for a few years now. He is twice divorced and there have been many gfs over the years.

The current gf decided when my ds was born that she should be called 'Aunty' which has irritated me from the beginning because I hardly even know her and they are not married.

My Dad died recently and my brother has been a real let down and she hasn't done anything to help so I'm especially rebelling against her decision for my son to call her Aunty.

YABU - it's up to her what she should be called
YANBU - it's up to the parent to decide who has the honour of being called Aunty unless they are actually an Aunty!!!

It is, isn’t it? My bloke’s grandchildren call me Granny. I can’t believe OP is citing not being married as a reason when more than half the kids born now are to unmarried couples!

@Findyourneutralspace what I'm getting at is whether you decided that or the children's parents.

In truth I can't remember how it was decided, but you are probably right about it being parents. Or by mutual consent or something.

It is not a tradition we carried on. When our DD was small the only people she called Aunt or Uncle were genuine aunts or uncles. Other adults she called either Mr or Mrs or just first name. We introduced ourselves to all her friends by our first name from a very young age.

You are not being unreasonable; she's not your children's aunt and she doesn't get to confer that status on herself.

What does it really matter?

When I was growing up anyone who was friends with my parents were aunties and uncles, as well as my parents' siblings. We knew which ones were family and which were friends but it was just easier to call them Aunt Jane and Uncle John when talking about what we did at the weekend and with who. Often if honorífica weren't being used then subtle phrasing differences would still differentiate relationships - even now if I'm going to visit a family member I will say "I'm going shopping then I'm going round to our Michael's, do you want to come?" With the "our" indicating that I am going to see the family member named Michael as opposed to a friend/acquaintance of the same name ... I could say Uncle Michael but if there is mixed company where he has different titles then we will default to "our" (at least in my family anyway)

Now things are way more complicated with differing familial relationships and often for kids using aunty and uncle makes it easy for them to differentiate family from friends even if the specific title is incorrect. For example, my mum is my DDs grandma however to my cousin's children she is their great aunt, but they will refer to her as "Aunty Jane" because it's what they have heard their parents (my cousin's) refer to her as, but they will also refer to my cousin's siblings as "Aunty Sarah and "Uncle Sam" because they are the child's actual aunts and uncles.

My cousin's children don't tend to refer to me and my siblings as anything other than our first name in general conversation but if I have taken them out with DD for the day and we bump into people they know then they will often introduce us as "Aunty Mel and CousinDD" more for ease of explanation than as a willful lie because that is easier than "My dad's cousin Mel and her DD" especially as we do have a very close relationship.

Especially when children are younger it's easier for them to use one title for everyone rather than try to keep things clear in their heads - eg my mum's aunt, when we talk about her with family everyone knows that if you're talking about Aunty Mary you are talking about her, even if for some she is their aunt, others she is a great aunt, others she is a great great aunt, others she's a step-aunt, others she is a great-step aunt etc ... To keep it simple for everyone she is just "Aunty Mary".

@Blossomtoes this couple don't live together. If they had kids together or lived together it would be different. My son doesn't really have a relationship with them and isn't going to so what's the point?

my SIL does this to me which I find beyond mean.
The married in men are referred to as uncle & she has never called me aunty, even when my now husband has (together for 8 years), she’s gone so far as to omit it when reading out Christmas cards to her children. It makes me really sad & I feel like she doesn’t want me in her family, despite her begging for support from my husband and I left right and centre.
I would really recommend reconsidering this one, if they end up married with kids she’s going to be the one that fosters a good relationship with her kids and you. I can’t say I particularly push my kids to call her and her husband aunty and uncle, why would I.

@Limonatamum they are over 60 with 6 grown up children between them. It's downhill to retirement for them! I do sympathise with your situation though and op's are right, I'm angry with my brother and taking it out on her. We won't see them much now. We didn't have much of a relationship before and we certainly don't now!

If they have been together for a few years then I think it's ok - I wasn't married to my ex and his nieces and nephews all called me aunty.

But you can call her whatever you want when talking about her to your children. Just use her name if that's what you want. Now that my children are older I've stopped referring to their aunts and uncles in that way and just call them by their names.