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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be considering living on benefits until DS3 starts nursery or school.......

101 replies

FAQ · 27/02/2008 10:51

when DH split up.

I've never claimed any benefits (apart from TC and CB) but am now facing the reality of having to do so. I don't feel bad/guilty etc about that - it's life - even if I find a job with childcare factored in I'm still not going to be earning enough to be able to live without claiming. I've always sort of sat on the fence with regards to people living on benefits that could be working.

However part of me is thinking - DS3 starts nursery in 2 1/2yrs time, school in 3 1/2yrs time. If I've read all the information properly (don't worry I'm going to go to CAB and the Jobcentre to get proper advice too) then I would be elligble for Income Support and not have to look for work as I'll be a lone parent.

Oh gosh I'm waffling......what I'm trying to say is

AIBU to be thinking of claiming benefits for the next couple of years and then finding work once DS3 goes off to school or nursery???

(of course I could change my mind, find a fantastic job a couple of months down the line and go back to work anyhow)

OP posts:
BoysAreLikeDogs · 27/02/2008 10:54

This is what the benefit system is for, FAQ

YANBU

mrsruffallo · 27/02/2008 10:55

Benefits are there if you need them. It is not unreasonable for anyone to live on them if they need support at a particular point in their lives

Peachy · 27/02/2008 10:56

No yanbu

But you are probably unwise to start this thread cos there's a good chance you'll get a bashing regardless- unless self chastisement is your thing?

I'd scarper now, if twere me.

mrsruffallo · 27/02/2008 10:59

Even more reason to start it Peachy-
fuck people who can't see faq's predicament

CrushWithEyeliner · 27/02/2008 11:01

of course yanbu - this is precisely what the bens system is for; people like you, in need of a bit of support until they get back on track.

MarmiteMe · 27/02/2008 11:03

YANBU.
I did that too, problem is DD is at school now and it's impossible to find a job.
What I'd advise is to keep an eye out for something you'd really enjoy rather than take any old thing.
I've been looking a year now and sort of wish I had when DD was little as something suitable would have probably come up by now

agnesnitt · 27/02/2008 11:03

Plenty do so, plentyh don't. If you feel that it is the right thing for you to do then go ahead. Only you know what will work for your circumstances.

Agnes

jesuswhatnext · 27/02/2008 11:04

when my dd was 15mth then dh left us, no money, rented craphole flat, me not working - i figured that life was going to be tough, not just for me but dd as well. i claimed benefits until she started school full time, then, i felt that i could work, pay my way and also show dd a good role model by keeping both of us with my efforts.

16 years on, i'm still a full time employER , nice home, car, dd in private school (just allow me to blow my own trumpet for a mo)

SO YANBU - the system is there ot help you when in need, just don't abuse it!

scorpio1 · 27/02/2008 11:05

YANBU

it is there to help people that need it at times like yours. At least you want to work when easier/more possible!

You could get a PT job - they disregeard certain earnings before they minus any benefits i think...ask at jobcentre Also you will get help to pay childcare.

OverMyDeadBody · 27/02/2008 11:09

YANBU. As others have said, it's there for when you need it. It's not like you're planning on abusing the system or anything.

jesuswhatnext · 27/02/2008 11:11

good luck anyway, its going to be tough going for a few years BUT if you decide to stay at home i think your dcs will benefit from the stability, thats ime anyway!

mylovelymonster · 27/02/2008 11:17

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. You have a lot on your plate and I for one don't mind contributing some of my taxes to help you nurture your little boy until circumstances/opportunities alter

Original poster
FAQ · 27/02/2008 11:18

Peachy - I don't care what some people may think

It just feels like the right thing for me to do to start with. Especially for the DS's. - the papers are ALWAYS full of jobs that fit into school hours round here - have been since DH started looking for a new job 5yrs ago - so I'm sure I'd be able to find something - but it just feel like quite the right thing to do to find work straigh away (unless of course I spot something which is just what I'm looking for).

OP posts:
mylovelymonster · 27/02/2008 11:21

If it feels right, go with it, and if you're entitled to financial support, then accept it and don't give it a second thought x

hifi · 27/02/2008 11:21

do whateverr is right for you, sod everyone else. its not long term so dont beat yourself up.

sparklesandnowinefor9months · 27/02/2008 11:26

as others have said its what its there for to help when you need it

If it will benefit you and your DC rather than struggle then its worth it! as you said something may come up thats right for you but if not then you know it will in a few years, i think if you feel its the right thing to do then you already have your answer!

Good Luck

scorpio1 · 27/02/2008 11:27

FAQ - make sure you get child maintenance too. the csa website has a calculator.

scorpio1 · 27/02/2008 11:28

if you apply for IS the CSA will get involved automatically anyway.

2shoes · 27/02/2008 11:30

yanbu

Original poster
FAQ · 27/02/2008 11:47

omg just looked that calculator on the CSA website - haven't figured out yet how many nights a year H will have the DS's......but even on the highest number of nights there's no way he could afford that with his other bills to pay

(and I wouldn't want him to be paying that much either - we may be splitting up but I don't want to cripple him!)

OP posts:
PersephoneSnape · 27/02/2008 11:54

The law changes in october so that the CSA is not automatically involved if you claim income support/JSA. there is also no further financial penalisation for not saying who teh father of your child(ren) is.

I'm of the school of thought that thinks the % suggested by the CSA is nowhere near enough to provide for children, and that my exes other bills are of no consequence being secondary to providing for his children ( he, of course disagrees, but where is the 'fun' in that?)

Wisteria · 27/02/2008 11:55

YANBU Faq

Original poster
FAQ · 27/02/2008 11:57

but surely if he can't pay his bills, and is evicted/has gas, water or electricity/phone etc cut off then when the DC stay with him it does matter???

OP posts:
princessosyth · 27/02/2008 11:58

YANBU.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 27/02/2008 12:01

I don't think YABU. I think it is great you are going to try and stay at home with your children until the right job comes along.

What I think is unreasonable is my DH works jolly hard but we don't have any spare money and the government thinks SAHM are a problem. They would rather I left my kids with someone else so they could have my tax from my job and their tax from minding my kids. But hey, that's a whole new argument!