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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be considering living on benefits until DS3 starts nursery or school.......

101 replies

FAQ · 27/02/2008 10:51

when DH split up.

I've never claimed any benefits (apart from TC and CB) but am now facing the reality of having to do so. I don't feel bad/guilty etc about that - it's life - even if I find a job with childcare factored in I'm still not going to be earning enough to be able to live without claiming. I've always sort of sat on the fence with regards to people living on benefits that could be working.

However part of me is thinking - DS3 starts nursery in 2 1/2yrs time, school in 3 1/2yrs time. If I've read all the information properly (don't worry I'm going to go to CAB and the Jobcentre to get proper advice too) then I would be elligble for Income Support and not have to look for work as I'll be a lone parent.

Oh gosh I'm waffling......what I'm trying to say is

AIBU to be thinking of claiming benefits for the next couple of years and then finding work once DS3 goes off to school or nursery???

(of course I could change my mind, find a fantastic job a couple of months down the line and go back to work anyhow)

OP posts:
Original poster
FAQ · 27/02/2008 15:34

I wish there was a way I didn't have to have the CSA factor - but whether I find a job or not I'm going to end up claiming IS as there's no way I could find a job that pays enough to afford not to - so either way I'm going to HAVE to have the CSA factor

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 27/02/2008 15:38

no yanbu - unless DH is in a position to support you then he should be paying.

WezzleWoo · 27/02/2008 15:43

Haven't read whole thread but..

if you work and claim tax credits to supplement income/cover childcare costs then you don't have to use the CSA you can have a private arrangement with ex for maintenance

Original poster
FAQ · 27/02/2008 15:44

I'd rather him still be involved with the Ds's (which I'm sure he will be) than his money tbh. Can't help but feeling it's a bit like robbing peter to pay paul.......he'll pay his CSA payments.....so I'll have a tiny bit extra to spend on the DS's - I'd rather he had that money available to him to spend on the DS's when he's got then IYKWIM....

oh bah-humbug

OP posts:
peanutbear · 27/02/2008 15:52

If you work then the CSA doesnt get involved I had the CSA calculate how much my EX H should pay and he couldnt pay it and keep his house so we came to a more amicable agreement now I am with current DH I no longer work and he pays what he can afford

Original poster
FAQ · 27/02/2008 15:56

problem is I don't currently work - and the only jobs I'm liable to find, even with TC I'm still going to be on a low income......and therefore claiming IS......there's no way round of it (I remember this from last year when we nearly split up and I went to CAB - I was working then, but would have needed the IS top-up too) .

Better forwarn H I suppose.

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WezzleWoo · 27/02/2008 16:02

sorry FAQ, didn't realise you got IS when you worked...thought it was just TC

it's a shame though as an earlier poster says you won't actually get any of the money that ex pays to CSA..you'll both be out of pocket really

Original poster
FAQ · 27/02/2008 16:06

ARGHHHH - what a nightmare

OP posts:
skyatnight · 27/02/2008 16:31

I haven't read the whole thread so may be talking out of turn, repeating something already discussed, or whatever, but, there is a threshold for claiming IS.

I'm not sure exactly what it is, around £500 per month, I think, but, once you earn over a certain amount and/or receive a certain amount of child maintenance, you are over the threshold. If you receive more than this in wages and maintenance combined, you can't claim IS, so CSA wouldn't be involved.

Single parents currently need only work 16 hours per week to claim working tax credits. www.entitledto.com

In my experience, the best deal for me is to work part-time, at least sixteen hours per week. In that way, I can't claim IS but I do, obviously, get the wages, child and working tax credits and keep all the child maintenance voluntarily agreed with my xp, because child maintenance is not taken into account in the tax credit calculation.

Hope this is relevant?

Original poster
FAQ · 27/02/2008 16:52

yes it is thanks skyatnight

now in a quandry what to do..........I think I shall be keeping the lovely people at CAB on their toes (did last year when I went to them and I didn't know what my income would be/was going to be going onto SMP just after we thought we'd be splitting up).

I have 4 options (I think) (presuming I don't own the house with DH).

  1. Rent, claim IS,HB etc and have CSA involved
  1. Rent, work TC etc and don't have CSA involved

3 and 4 I'm not sure about as I'm quite undecided as to whether I'd want to stay in this house if we're splitting up) but looking at the entitledto website and last years figures should be able to just about manage

  1. Stay here, work, TC and own agreement with DH
  1. Stay here, don't work claim IS, CTC etc and have CSA involved.

Shall have a chat to him tonight to check whether I am indeed not named on the deeds and see what he has to say (he did mention before I went away that he could rent a room/small flat and me stay here rather than uprooting the boys - so could still be an option for him........but not sure how I'd feel being here without him IYKWIM). Then I'll call CAB tomorrow to make an appointment to talk everything through

OP posts:
TidyTink · 27/02/2008 16:55

Havnt read all the msgs on this thread but FAQ why dont you use these next couple of yrs untill your DS starts nursery/school to do some studying while you can

You could take up a course your interested in and then when the time comes to find a job you will have the skills????

Pollyanna · 27/02/2008 16:57

I haven't read the whole thread, but I really think you ought to get legal advice asap. I personally wouldn't want to move out of my house if I split with dh - I would want to stay put with the children. Just because your name is not on the deeds doesn't mean you don't own it jointly with your dh.

As for claiming benefits - that's what they're there for imo.

nutcracker · 27/02/2008 16:58

YANBU and the jobcenter won't think you are either. I told them that I wasn't even considering looking for work until Ds started school and they were absolutly fine with that.

Now he has started school, I am looking for work, but I am still doing it on my terms not theirs. I want to work, but only if it fits in with my kids or I can sort suitable childcare, and so far the job centre seem to be ok with that.

Original poster
FAQ · 27/02/2008 17:14

Tidy - I don't really know what I want to do

OP posts:
Original poster
FAQ · 27/02/2008 17:17

Polly - I'm not sure that (presuming the split is permanent) I'd be able to "move on" if I'm living in "our" house IYKWIM.

Thing is though, even if I move out I'm not going to be able to avoid having an almost constant reminder.........the house is next door to the infant school where DS2 starts in September, and that DS3 will start as DS2 leaves.......so I've got 6 years of walking past it to do the school run - plus it's almost opposite the church that we attend/I play the organ at - so even on Sundays the reminder would still be there Confused

OP posts:
cheshirekitty · 27/02/2008 18:21

Can you do an Open University degree while you are not working, so that when your child goes to school you will be in a better position to get a good job and earn more money for you and your family?

YANBU to claim benefit whilst your kids are so young. By the time you have paid childcare etc it would not be worth working. Life as a working mum is hard enough with another adult in the household. I could not imagine what it is like as the sole adult/provider.

ScruffyTeddy · 27/02/2008 18:37

I think possibly you should live for the here and now at the moment.

You may well change your mind once you start claiming benefit, its a very different life.

PersephoneSnape · 27/02/2008 19:16

if your names aren't on the deeds and you don't make the mortgage payments, then 'we' wouldn't treat any of your (ex)partners house as capital, but you need to take legal advice as to whether you have any claim/liability regarding the (ex) marital home before you claim IS/JSA if at all possible.

financially, i do think the best option is a part time job. if you do 16 hours + you're not entitled to JSA/IS, but you are entitled to tax credits and get to keep the maintenance. studying would be a very positive option as well, you get grants and subsidence as a single parent and that would put you in good stead for a (at least halfway) decent job when ds3 does start school. of course you might just want to be a SAHM on IS - thats fine as well, your choice

Original poster
FAQ · 27/02/2008 20:15

I wouldn't mind studying.........but I have NO idea what I'd want to study I don't pay the mortgage (do pay the gas, electric, water, insurance, TV license and and Virgin Media though ....)

Oh I'm all in a quandary now - going to have a chat with H tonight to see what his feelings are on him moving out and me staying here.....

OP posts:
skyatnight · 27/02/2008 20:26

Working tax credits are quite good (a reasonable amount) if you are on your own and work.

NumberSix · 27/02/2008 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shelleylou · 27/02/2008 20:48

YANBU this exactly what i wat to do aswell, i want to be the one loking after my child not pay for someone to do it for me. So glad i read this thread well most of it anyway. Will jobcentre see this as a valid reason for not starting work again (got work focussed interview on friday)so would appreciate knowing.

NumberSix · 27/02/2008 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aimsmum · 27/02/2008 23:04

Message withdrawn

Original poster
FAQ · 27/02/2008 23:21

Well after all your extremely helpful (and non judgmental ) advice today - it's all change....

Just had a chat with H and I'm going to stay here with the DS's and he's going to move out and although the deeds and mortgage are indeed both in his name I'll pay towards them (as we've decided to call it I'll "rent" from him at a reduced price). I'm going to try (even harder!) to find a part-time job and we'll come to our own arrangement about maintenance (he seemed quite relieved about that when I told him the sort of figures the CSA calculator was saying he'd had to pay - and how little of it I'd actually "get" if I were to go down the benefits route)

Going to make an appointment to see a family laywer in the morning to make sure we both have all the legal aspects properly done.

Wasn't sure how he'd take my sudden turn around (I've always been adamant that I would move out with the DS's as I wasn't sure I'd be able to "move on" if I was still staying here - but given that I'll have to pass this house almost daily for at least the next 6yrs I figured living in the house would be easier than walking past it all the time would be easier).

Now I need to find a job!!!!

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